Adventures in SK

Thinking of what Moses said

2007-01-10T16:08:00.000+01:00

I realize it's been a while since I have been on here and yes, I have a lot to report etc. but really this post is one of those that wants to leap from my brain onto this space and it has nothing to do with the day to day of my life. So, hopefully there will be later posts about my time in the states so far, the Passion Conference, life in general but for now it's a little something from Deuts (that is my little pet name for Deuteronomy)

I started reading back through the Old Testament again a few months ago and sometimes I get really bogged down in it. But as I started Deuts (yes I really call it that in my mind) I was thinking..."ok, so Moses is pretty much on the way out here. he's talked to God a bunch, his people are about to get their land of milk and honey, what will Moses talk to them about as he prepares to leave them for good?" And I am actually only into Chapter 10 of Deuts so i have a ways to go but so far I have noticed Moses just hammering home this one point over and over and over again...I mean it's crazy obvious...he's really wanting to make a point...this is serious...he's knocking on deaths door and can basically say what he thinks is most important.... Well he says essentially the same thing in a few different ways but as i read it I think, "oh my gosh, this is really important! Good call Moses! High Five!" (ok, maybe I wouldn't high five Moses).

Over and over and over again Moses essentially says "people! don't forget to remember and be careful!" Through chapters 4-10 Moses is kind of repetative...
Deuts 4:15-20 "Therefor watch yourselves very carefully, so that you do not become corrupt and make for yourselves an idol...do not be enticed...
Deuts 4:23 "Be careful not to forget the covenant of the Lord your God that he made with you...
Deuts 5:32 "So be careful to do what the Lord your God has commanded you; do not turn aside to the right or to the left."
Deuts 6:6-9 "These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie doen and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates."
Deuts 6:12 "be careful that you do not forget the Lord, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery"
Deuts 8:10-14 "When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the Lord yor God for the good land he has given you. Be careful that you do not forget the Lord your God, failing to observe his commands, his laws and his decrees that i am giving you this day. Otherwise, when you eat and are satisfied, when you build fine houses and settle down, and when your herds and flocks increase and all you have is multiplied, then your heart will become proud and you will forget the Lord your God"

DONT FORGET!!! Don't forget what the Lord did for you! Don't forget that he is more powerful than you can imagine. Don't forget that he brought you out of slavery! Don't forget that he really really is there and does rescue! Don't forget that all the good stuff you have is from HIM! Don't forget who he is and what he has done!

BE CAREFUL!!! Be careful about remembering all God has done. Make a point to remind yourself, your children, anyone that meets you! Be careful to listen to God and follow him! Be careful not to turn away even just a little bit

Why was Moses so emphatic? Why did he suggest crazy things like tying stuff to your forehead to remind you of something? It's because forgetting about the Lord, and turning away from him, and pride, and apathy are ABSOLUTE CERTAINTIES if we don't. It's not, "hey, maybe it'd be a good idea to write this stuff down b/c sometimes stupid people (of course not you but you know who i mean) will forget and get the God thing all wrong and wander off" but in fact it is a sure thing that WE (you and me) WILL FORGET. We will forget, we WILL be enticed, we WILL move the wrong way, we WILL become proud. It's just a fact. If you aren't careful, if you don't remember not to forget, you will forget, you will turn to the left or the right...it's how humans are.

I sort of coast through life sometimes thinking "for goodness sakes, how could i forget? I am not an idiot. sure sure, God is super great, forgives sins, delivers me from slavery yeah yeah...I got it" And then i turn to the left or the right and suddenly I don't got it. And I wonder why! It's because that is what happens when you aren't careful, when you don't remind yourself who God is and who he has been in your life and where he has brought you from and where he has promised to bring you to. And again I find myself no different than these Israelites...forgetting to remember, and being "uncareful" with my relationship with God. It happened to people who followed God around as a pillar of fire...what makes me think it wouldn't happen to me as well.

That is why we are told over and over again to look at Jesus. To fix our eyes on Him as the author and perfecter of our faith. look at Christ, at the Lord and to walk that line moving forward, not left or right but directly towards the Truth of who he is, what he has done and what he has promised!

Just an update

2006-12-04T11:39:00.000+01:00

I have realized that I put very little info on here about what is actually happening in my life. Partially it's because I saw an advertisement for a book about how to blog well and it was called "No one cares what you had for lunch" or something like that and i didn't want to be one of "those" people. but in honesty if you are reading this, you probably do have some interest in my personal life so i thought i'd just give an update

Things here are fine. I thought about leaving this post with just that comment...thought it might be kind of funny. but I digress. Life is carrying on as normal here. I am working on planning for the future (long term and short term) of our camps ministry. We are sort of at a crossroads with that and it's been a interesting path coming to that crossroad. We have been having so many organizational and philosophical meetings with our staff but it's been good to try and nail some of those things down.

We still have pretty warm weather...considering it's December and I am really thankful it hasn't been as cold as last year so far. I am just now starting to break out the hats and scarfs and heavy coats. Christmas season is here and there are lights and trees and little booths selling Christmas stuff all over the city. It's really beautiful but it seems strange to not have snow. but I am certainly not complaning about that!

One exciting thing is that I am coming to the states for a visit this winter! I will be home December 14th and am looking forward to Christmas with my parents, some good meals, driving a car (no, I still can't drive a stick), seeing good friends, and doing some shopping. I will also be at the Passion 07 conference so if you are there you should look for me! I will have some of my sweet Slovak girls that I love with me and I would love for you all to meet face to face with some of the reasons why I love Slovakia.

I have been working a lot to get ready to be in the states and to start thinking about this summer with camps and youth groups, and interns. It's so crazy to think so far ahead but there are so many details that I have to start thinking about next summer as soon as the current one ends. This weekend I will get to spend some time with some of my old students from Eastern Slovakia and I am looking forward to being with them and hearing about what is going on in their lives.

Not a very exciting update but just wanted to let you know that things are moving along, I am excited to be home for a while, and that I am still wanting to be on the path God has laid out. I am realizing that it's not about him necessarily showing us the final destination but about trusting him to show us one next step at a time. I spent some time this weekend really praying and one thing that God showed me was that it's not up to me. I can get mad at myself for being angry, or selfish, or jealous, or undisciplined, and then i decide I will just try harder to be those things. Which of course doesn't really work. God showed me that it's about him giving me those things...and not in a BAM NOW YOU ARE PATIENT! kind of way, but by giving me what I need in each moment. That it's about saying to God, "ok, I have no ability to be kind in this moment Lord. It's not in me. But you can and so I ask you to give me the patience I need right now". Maybe be a pretty obvious thing but I saw it in a really new way this weekend that was cool to see.

hope all is well for you out there. sorry I haven't been available much on email or here on this blog...sometimes it's just life!

So that

2006-11-11T10:53:00.000+01:00

Whenever I am reading my bible and I see little phrases like "so that" I sort of sit up and pay attention to what is coming next. I really like to know the "why" behind things. In fact I will actually argue against things I actually believe if the I don't agree with the "why" that is behind it. In an effort to prove the invalidity of the arguement/logic as opposed to disproving the concept. I am sure it's a pretty annoying character trait. But in actuality the "so that" behind a lot of things can totally change your perception on the topic.

When i first moved to Slovakia I didn't have any furniture so I went to IKEA and bought a whole bunch of stuff. Couch, bed, chair, coffee table etc. Well if you know IKEA you know that everything comes in a box and they give you all these cute little tools to use in order to put stuff together and the instructions have great drawings so you know not to shove this piece into that section because it simply doesn't go there. Well. I don't like to read instructions. I learn by DOING (that means I am a tactile learner). I think I get this from my dad. So the first few pieces I look at and think, "aw, this doesn't look so bad. this guy goes here and these little guys go over there. little glue here, few of those tiny nails there. piece of cake" and I hop to it thinking that IKEA should hire me to work for them since I have such a natural intuition for the assembly of modular furniture. BUT then I find myself halfway through things realizing "oh! I should have done that part 1st because now I can't reach the place where these little metal guys need to be" (there may be some swear words in the original version of that thought). So I have to go back and start over. No fun. Then I start to notice that the instructions TOLD me what to do first...SO THAT i wouldn't have these problems. Those clever Swedes at IKEA knew that this step had to come before this step. SO THAT the rest of it would go toegther right. Ah ha. Yes, I see. It's not arbitrary or random or just the way it was written because it was written my some man or something. There is a SO THAT. And by the way when the IKEA instructions tell you that something is a 2 man job, it's SO THAT the huge heavy closet you are putting together doesn't fall on you and crush you under it's weight.

Well, in the bible there are a lot of SO THATs. And sometimes I read the part before the SO THAT and I think, "wait a minute. that isn't fair, or that doesn't make sense, or what's the point of that?" and then I get to the SO THAT and I say "ohhh, now i get it, it's so that" In Exodus God allowed Moses to do some crazy stuff (like turning his staff into a snake) but it was SO THAT the people would believe God had appeared to Moses and gave him power. In Exodus Moses continues to ask Pharoah to release the Israelites from captivity and he gave Pharaoh a "so that". But Pharoah only heard the part about letting good help wander off. He refused to recognize that the point of letting them go was so that they could worship the Lord. And Pharoah paid for that mistake later. In 2 Chronicles God says that the his people will be held captive (ugh, what? that is so not fair!) but it's SO THAT they would learn what it meant to serve God versus serving other kings (oh, well, in that case it makes sense). In Daniel 11:35 it says that the wise will stumble but it's SO THAT they may be refined, and purified. These are the kinds of verses that remind me that sometimes things happen that feel not great at all. Hard things happen, sad things, unfair things, horrible things. But there is ALWAYS a "so that"...we don't always get told the "so that" but it's there.

There are other sections of "so thats" that tell us why we are here. And we are told over and over again that we are here for God. Exodus 9:16 says we are raised up so that the name of God would be proclaimed over the whole earth. Isaiah 49 says God will restore Israel so that His salvation would go to the ends of the earth. We are told we are here to bring God's light to the whole earth. Matthew 5:16 says we should let our light shine before men not so we look good but SO THAT God is glorified. Isaiah 61:3 says we are "oaks of righteousness" planted to display the Lord's splendor. 1 Peter encourages us to live good lives not for the sake of being good or so we will earn points with God but so that people around us will see how radical our lives are and give glory to God because of it. That ultimately everything we do is something done SO THAT it brings glory to God.

And this all brings me to the thoughts I was having this morning. Sometimes I want to be a "better person". I want to pray more or be with God more, or understand him more, connect with the deep sides of my relationship with God. But very often I want that SO THAT I will look better. or so that people will think I am some super Christian. Or so that I will be recognized by people I respect. or so that I will feel better about myself. But then I think about the blessings and the abilities and even the challenges that God gives us and I realize that the SO THATs have a lot more to do with the people around me than with myself. That it's about wanting the holy spirit and the life of Christ to be radical in me SO THAT it shows who God is to the people around me. In the same way that the moon is bright only because it is reflecting the sun, I want to shine because of the relection of the Son. Wanting to live a life marked by the signature of Jesus not because it impresses the Christians around me but SO THAT people realize that this kind of life is only possible with the power of Christ in me. Wanting to live for Christ not simply so I go to heaven when I die. But so that I am a part of doing His will on earth as in heaven.

My desire this morning is to be in a place where I want to shine. Where I want to be a city on a hill, a lamp on a lampstand, a voice in the wilderness...SO THAT my Father in Heaven is glorified. SO THAT I become less and He becomes more. SO THAT every tribe, tongue and nation can see that only He is worthy of all the glory and honor and praise.

My kitchen floor uncrashed my ipod

2006-11-11T10:46:00.000+01:00

Just a thank you to my friend Niall who lives in Croatia who suggested I drop my ipod on the floor in an effort to fix it. I figured, the thing is broken anyway so what can it hurt to try a very unorthodox repair technique. I removed the pod from the protective case it's been in since I got it and dropped it right onto the wood floor in my kitchen. Picked it up...turned it on...and viola! worked like a charm.

I wonder if dropping it on the floor was the repair method apple was going to charge me $250 for...seems a little pricey.

A few things I read

2006-10-19T17:57:00.000+02:00

my creative side has been a bit dry lately and I am at a bit of an emotional stalemate these days. But there are a few things I have read in the last few weeks that I wanted to share because I thought they were breautiful or brillant. Or both. I have one really special friend over here named Maruska. She is brillant and talented and one of the most amazing people I have ever met. She is actually a poet and wrote a book of poetry (She is Slovak so the book is too but she speaks English amazingly well). And she let me help her clean the English version of the poems up a little. And I was was reading them I just thought they were so great. I am not really good with poetry...being a very linear thinker poetry generally flies right over my head. I guess if you can't put it into a spreadsheet or outline it with bullet points i tend to miss the point. Anyway I read one of these poems this week and wanted to share it with you.

FRIENDS
We were talking till late night.
Then you whished me sweet dreams
and sent angels to my room.
And You started writing a song
For the little birds under my window
and painting dew on the fragile leaves of the forget-me-nots
and baking bread for me.

And when I woke up in the morning
I realized
how great it is
to be friends
with God.

There is a writer who I really love named Brennan Manning. i have one book by him that I read over and over because I think it's amazing (The Signature of Jesus for any of you who are looking for something to rock your planet) and I was reading another one of his books (The Ragamuffin Gospel) and came across this quote which I thought was great.

"when i get honest, i admit I am a bundle of paradoxes. I believe and I doubt, I hope and I get discouraged, I love and I hate, I feel bad about feeling good, I feel guilty about not feeling guilty. I am trusting and suspicious. I am honest and I still play games. Aristotle said I am a rational animal; I say I am an angel with an incredible capacity for beer.

To live by grace means to acknowledge my whole life story, the light side and the dark. In admitting my shadow side I learn who I am and what God's grace means. As Thomas Merton put it, "A saint is not someone who is good but who experiences the goodness of God.""

So I just thought I would share a few of the thoughts that have been crashing around my i head these days!

Training School

2006-10-19T17:26:00.000+02:00

Hey out there! One of the big projects we work on here is a year long school for youth leaders. Leaders from different churches around Slovakia come to our training center every month for a full weekend of training, equipping and learning about different things happening in the country. Well this past weekend the training school for 2006 began and it was a great reminder to me of why I am here and why I believe so strongly in what we do. We spent 2 full days together learning about Systematic Theology, Bible Study methods, and talking about different issues with youth ministry in Slovakia. We were also able to meet together in smaller groups and talk about what was happening specifically in our lives. I really loved being around people who love students in Slovakia and want to see their church make a difference in their lives. It was a huge encouragement for me to spend some time with a few girls I knew when I lived in a different part of Slovakia and I will be spending more time with them in a mentoring role as well. Being a part of living life with the future of the churches in this country is an enormous honor and I felt so blessed to be a part of that weekend.

Other than that I have been spending a lot of time in my office working and trying to organize my camps project for 2007. It seems like that it's pretty far away but I still feel like I have a ton of planning and preparation and thoughts about process. I am still not feeling 100% like I really know how to do my job which is kind of frustrating at times. It's starting to get colder here but it's been really pretty. One of the greatest things about being here is how distinct all the seasons are. I feel like you get a REAL fall and a REAL spring (and unfortunately a real winter too!) but it's so nice right now. The leaves are changing and it smells like fall and the sky has been a bright beautiful blue. It's so nice. But yeah, I am dreading the snow which should be here in less than a month.

So that's pretty much my life right now...dressing in layers and hanging out in my office. I am looking forward to spending some time doing some more relational things back out in the city I used to live in. It's funny that I moved all the way over here just to travel out there but it makes sense organizationally and I so miss my girls there. I had some friendships that were really special to me and it will be nice for them to be more intentionally on my radar.

Sorry for the lack of posting lately...I will try and make up for it by posting a whole bunch today :)

Jesus crashed my ipod

2006-10-08T19:38:00.000+02:00

I have been pretty solidly connected to my ipod since my parents gave it to me for Christmas in 2005. And when I say connected what I really mean is obsessed. I dropped all my music (even the total garbage from 8th grade) onto my pod and have been happily downloading music ever since. I don't go anywhere without that thing...it's like my little white plastic friend.

But i have noticed something about my little white plastic friend. He helps me block out EVERYTHING around me...and in reality sometimes it's pretty blissful to block it all out. When I am afraid that someone at the bus stop will ask me a question I won't understand...there is the pod. When I can't turn off the 16 channels in my head...there is the pod. When I am frustrated with an issue or question or problem I can't solve...there is the pod. And over the last year I have been vaguely aware in the back of my head that often times I use my ipod as a defense mechanism which is admittedly not super healthy.

So a few days ago I was reading something about "practicing the presence of God". Which is a crazy thing if you start to think about it. Just deliberately, specifically thinking about and reminding yourself that God is HERE. Now. In this place. That all the internal thoughts and problems and tiny details are swirling around me and Him as we sit at my kitchen table. That His presence is ALWAYS present. And I started to pray, "ok God, I like that...I think I want more of that. I think I want your presense to be real to me, and something I think about and something I am aware of and something I cultivate in my life. So Lord, show me what that looks like. How in the heck do I practice just being with you" And then I left my little quiet time spot to brush my teeth and head to work.

Loaded up my backpack, got all my junk together and POPPED MY HEADPHONES INTO MY STUBBORN EARS. Admittedly I thought..."you know having all this noise injected into your brain 24/7 probably isn't really putting you on the road to experiencing God's presense." Then some super great song came on and the world was blocked out as was the voice of God and the voice of my heart and I headed off to work.

About 6 steps out of my flat the pod froze. The pod got reset. The pod displayed a sad face icon that told me to seek medical attention for it. I sought medical attention for it. I was told that the cost to repair my out of warranty white plastic friend would be nearly more than it would cost to buy a brand new one. Then my ipod and I both were displaying a sad face icon.

BUT here is the thing. I feel like this is an opportunity...an opportunity to practise the presense of God more often. An opportunity to stop blocking things out as a defense mechanism. I am not saying music is bad, or that I don't want a new ipod...but i am saying that that blocking out of all things had become something unhealthy in my life and I am thankful that I am being challenged to rethink my need for defense. So did Jesus really crash my ipod...maybe he did...or maybe he just gave me the grace to see the problem as a gift from him rather than just a wrench in my life.

noise

2006-09-27T07:57:00.000+02:00

I am sitting at my kitchen table this morning in my 45 minutes before language lessons start trying to communicate with God. Since i am blogging you can see how well that is going. Often times in the morning i will think "oh cool, I will pray while I am getting ready" an attempt to "practice the presence of God" in all I do. But it last for about 6 seconds and then my brain is off on a rabbit trail and 30 minutes later i think "what the heck am i thinking about?"

This morning I was looking out the window and trying to figure out what I am thinking, how I am feeling, how to express that, what to bring to the Lord this morning and I am just blank. It feels to me a little like I have about 17 TV channels on in my head at the same time. One channel is the quiet time channel...soft music...nice lighting...peaceful...it's the main one I want to tune into right now. But then there are 16 others and most of them are WAY louder than the quiet time channel. There is the financial worry channel which is actually the one at full volume today. It's practically screaming "do you have any idea how little money you have!!!!?? How the heck are you gonna get more? What are you going to do when it runs out? How are you going to get people to contribute to all these things you need money for? YAAAAA!!!" and so on. Then there is the you're turning 30 this year channel and that one has been on for a while and most often I can ignore it but I get snatches of things like "bet you never thought this is what your life would look like at 30!" Then there is the organizational and structural chaos channel which has been on a lot lately and it says things like "what are you going to do about this? what are you going to do about that? how are you going to fix this problem? what are you going to say to your boss about that one?" that channel tends to play a lot of re-runs. then there is the condemnation channel which says things like "you suck at your job. you are letting your family down. why can't you get a "real" job. people only like you for what you do for them. you are alone"

there are more...believe me. but i won't write about them. I just know that I have about 17 TV channels on in my head right now and I really just want to have ONE. And intellectually I know that worry is unecessary and that God is in control and that i can't "fix" or manipulate anything and that I just need to trust Him. but the fact remains that I feel like i can't turn these other channels off these days. And some days I think "if one more channel comes on I am going to scream". and they keep turning on and keep getting louder and the nicer channels just get talked over by all the horrible ones.

more than likely I need to get some serious time alone and away from all the distractions that are around me and sincerely ask God to turn off all the channels but one. but there is a part of me that is scared to do that becaue I might not like what is on the quiet time channel. it might be hard to deal with, or it might bring up things about myself that I don't like or it might ask me to forgive or ask forgiveness from someone I don't want to deal with. so as much as i hate the noise i am scared of the silence. so for now I stare out the window and drink my coffee and listen to 17 channels in my head.

reset

2006-09-05T08:36:00.000+02:00

I am going to date myself a bit with this...but some of you remember nintendo right? not all this crazy PS2, X-Box, 97 buttons on one controller stuff but the original nintendo...a button, b button, up, down, left right, the end. Ok. Remember when your nintendo would freak out and you couldn't get it to play the games? what did you do first? that is right...you took out the game and blew into it. as if your saliva has some sort ability to solve electrical problems. then you blew into the nintendo itself and put the game back in to try again. and just as you starting to think everything was solved it did it again and you had to hit the RESET button (sometimes in the middle of a game which was a major bummer). I feel like sometimes God hits my reset button. There are times when something inside has gotten a little jumbled so God says, "hang on...let's just restart some things".

In the last few days a couple of things have tapped that reset button for me. I am not saying that everything is 100% in my heart or my head and the things that have been reset are sort of ongoing processes but it is nice to STOP and say, "oh yeah...I can't believe I wasn't thinking about that".

I have been reading the story of Abraham. The Father of the nation of Israel, he trusted God nearly unwaveringly, he was willing to give up what was most precious to him simply because God asked (an amazing illustration of trust). God makes some pretty crazy promises to Abraham...the craziest being that he will be the father of a nation with descendents too numerous to count. It was crazy because Abraham and his wife couldn't have kids, oh yeah and they were about 100 years old. I am sure Abraham was thinking "hmmm, I am not sure how this is going to work. maybe i misunderstood Him. maybe it was only a figure of speach. I mean we are OLD, how the heck are we going to have kids?!" But he chose to trust God's promise...even if it seemed far-fetched

Here is what happened in Genesis 18:10-14:
Then the LORD said, "I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah your wife will have a son." Now Sarah was listening at the entrance to the tent, which was behind him. Abraham and Sarah were already old and well advanced in years, and Sarah was past the age of childbearing. So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, "After I am worn out and my master is old, will I now have this pleasure?"

Then the LORD said to Abraham, "Why did Sarah laugh and say, 'Will I really have a child, now that I am old?' Is anything too hard for the LORD ? I will return to you at the appointed time next year and Sarah will have a son."

The thing that hit me in this passage was verse 14...IS ANYTHING TOO HARD FOR THE LORD?. I suppose I'd laugh too if this were my situation, so it's understandable that Sarah was a bit cynical about it. But I love this interchange between God and Abraham because God could have said, "gosh, I know this sounds really wild and sort of impossible but here is how it's going to work, so just hang in there and don't flip out or anything" but instead God says really simply the most obvious thing in the world and acts as if this HUGE impossibility is no more difficult than taking a breath...is anything too hard for the LORD? Huh...yeah...good call God. A 90 year old lady getting pregnant is a pretty crazy thing but for God it's a very simple thing. God isn't looking at my life saying, "oh man, I didn't know things would end up like that. how in the world are you going to solve that issue, how are you going to learn this lesson? Gosh, yeah you should start to panic." Nothing is too hard for the LORD. Wow. So when I am sitting around stewing over the difficult things here in Zilina, or in my personal life, or the relational stresses that can occupy my brain I have to ask myself...Is anything too hard for the LORD? Definitively NO.

This thought doesn't exactly "fix" my problems. I still have problems with work, or ministry, or my personal life. But it's a great comfort to know that none of those things are too hard for the LORD. They can be too hard for me. They can be too hard for my friends. They can be too hard for my leaders. But they aren't too hard for the LORD. So when I need help solving, understanding, or simply persevering it's amazing to know that there is nothing that is too hard for the LORD and that sometimes the answer is just to trust that and watch God do something that looks totally impossible.

weekend trip

2006-09-04T14:40:00.000+02:00

I spent Friday and Saturday of this weekend in Presov Slovakia. This is the city I moved to when I moved over here a year and a half ago. I left there last December in kind of an abrupt way and haven't spent much time there since I left. I moved from there because I took a different job over here and needed to be where our main office was. There wasn't a whole lot of time between my determining I was moving and actually moving so it was a bit of a shock to some of my friends in Presov. I honetly don't know that I "left well". there were some people I needed to say goodbye to that I didn't but I really did think I would be back there more often.

Being back this weekend made me see how much I missed that city, and the students there and the work that i was doing before I took on a more "corporate" role. I got to spend some sweet time with college and high school girls who were a big part of my world and who I only rarely talk to anymore. It made me miss that element of my life...spending time, real time, with girls who are learning about who God is in their life. I miss knowing what is happening in their lives. I miss knowing about their stuggles and challenges and how God is growing them. Basically I miss my girls. I am so thankful I was able to see some of them (I even got to go to the wedding of one of them!) and I am thankful that I saw that as a real void in my life now. I am so thankful to realize that one of the reasons God has me here is to be a friend and fellow traveler with these girls. I didn't realize how much I missed that section of my life and it was nice to plug back into it even if it was just for a few hours.

Slovak lessons make me sweat

2006-09-04T14:18:00.000+02:00

I am not sure exactly why this happens but every time I have a Slovak language lesson I start to sweat...bad. I noticed it last year the 1st time I met with my tutor. She was a really sweet lady (I say lady she's probably early 30s) and didn't speak English at all. She was super kind and really patient but everytime I met with her my hands would sweat, and I would end up pitting out my shirt (hey boys, who wants my number now!). Well today I started private lessons at a language school in town and as soon as i walked in the door...boom...sweat city. ugh. And the thing of it is that I am not really a "sweater". It's just language lessons that make feel like I am about to melt.

Learning language for me is probably one of the heights in humiliation. For most of my life I have been silently telling myself "Just blend in...don't do anything that makes you stick out...just blend". So situations that made me stick out unexpectedly or in a less than flattering way always caused my blood pressure to skyrocket. Think any kind of toilet paper stuck to your shoe, spinach in your teeth, mismatched outfit sort of situation and I wanted to avoid those at all costs. I hate being "obvious" unless it's on my own terms and with people I am comfortable around.

Being a "foreigner" makes blending a bit harder. In general Europeans and North Americans look different...i know that is a generalization but there is a difference in the way people carry themselves, the volume at which people talk, the amount of eye contact etc. and so it's generally pretty easy to spot someone here that doesn't "fit" and I feel like very often i stick out like a sore thumb. And then when i open my mouth it becomes painfully obvious that I am not exactly a local. I try not to talk on my phone on the bus so people don't hear me speak English and realize I am a foreigner, and I guess it comes back to not wanting to stick out.

My need to blend in though can be a problem. I won't ask for help in stores or when I am looking for something because I am afraid i won't be able to communicate what I need or that people will think I am stupid for not being able to speak Slovak. And this is probably the reason why I am so sweaty during language. I want to communicate and fit in and not seem strange to my teacher but the fact remains that I am a foreigner, I don't speak Slovak very well, and I am a "stranger" in many ways. I decided today when I went in to the lesson that I was going to just start talking. I knew I would say things really incorrectly and mess up vocab and grammar but that i was just going to use my words and keep talking even when i felt dumb and sweaty. So for an hour i sweated...and talked...and had to say "nerozumiem" (I don't understand) more times than i wanted. but I survived it and didn't flip out from feeling like a stranger and I suppose that is half the battle with language. Using your words, knowing you will make mistakes and being willing to learn from them. So I am hoping to be brave enough to stick out, and let's face it...I am a foreigner which isn't necessarilly a bad thing!

The Dam

2006-08-15T11:54:00.000+02:00

yep I am back. it's been a while. it's been a crazy summer. and I am finally back in my apartment with coffee, quiet, and a few minutes to collect my thoughts. first of all I really want to tell you about all the things that happened this summer. camps, interns, kids camp, work stuff, personal stuff but as i sat down to have a little quiet time this morning I was smacked in the face with one of those basic truths that feel really simple but that i continue to forget. so let me say a bit about that.

the summer has been exhausting and somewhere around early July I pretty much stopped spending much time praying or reading my bible or really even thinking very much about the fact that there is more to this world that what is happening around me right at this moment. the urgent started crowding out the important. I kept thinking, "it's fine, it's fine, one more camp and i will get back on track, one more weekend, one more early morning, etc. etc.". Occasionally I would toss up a "Hey, God can you help me out with this one?" or a "thanks God that was really great". But serious, intentional time with God was just non-existant.

Then suddenly it's mid-August and I am back in my apartment and I am wiped out, and lonely, and sad, and frustrated, and angry with nearly everyone and everything, and feeling unloved, unappreciated, uncared for, and so on and so on. I am doing everything in my power not to sit down and say "God, I am tired and I miss you, and i feel like junk". So this morning I am thinking about all this and writing a lot to God about how I am frustrated and sick of myself. How I hate being angry, and hate serving only to be noticed or be patted on the back. How i am tired of being self-absorbed and responding to God's call to love everyone only if by everyone He means people I like or who are cool or who don't get on my nerves or who don't smell bad or who haven't disappointed me in some way. I am wallowing in this...just rolling around in it. Covering myself with all this self-accusation and disappointment and despair. And I am just talking and talking and talking to God about it, not even taking a breath to let a word back from Him sneak in. I am actually kind of afraid of what he will say.

Then something hits me and I get this picture in my head. A picture of a stream or river or something like that. Water flowing down into a pool of some sort. And I realize a very simple thing. God pours into me like a stream. And that stream flows into me and it's where all my "water" comes from. Everything good and pure and right and healthy and positive is in that water. Any ability to put others above myself or to love even when it's hard, or to pour myself out till I am empty is in that water. And this summer I built a dam. I blocked off that outpouring from Him. Every time I chose to sleep later instead of spending time with him I built up the dam. Every time I chose to go my own way instead of His I built up the dam. Every time I said "this whole time with God thing isn't that important I will be fine if i skip out on it for a while" I built up the dam. So I built this dam and my little pond started drying up. The source was still there pouring out as much as before but I have this dam and it's not getting down to me...

The dam got bigger and sturdier and my pond started to get dry. I started thinking this morning about what a drying up pond looks like and it felt a lot like my life. It seemed a lot like how I am feeling right now. The pond gets dry, it gets muddy, there is no movement so it gets dirty, stagnant, shallow. I am not fllled up right now with this river of good that He offers. All truth, all goodness, all life flows from that source but when I build these dams how can I be full of what is flowing down to me?! I don't want to be shallow, lazy, stagnant, muddy. I want to be fluid and dynamic, forceful, alive, and full of what God is pouring into me. I want to tear down the dam. I want this river of life to rush down into me, clean me out, fill me up, bring me back to life, bring me back into a place where I am receiving from Him so my pond can pour into others ponds.

Today I am asking God to tear down the dam, or to help me tear it down so that i can be filled up with all He is pouring down into me. Today I am coming back into the place where I realize He is the source and that I can't fill my own pond, or expect to remain full apart from Him. I am not sure if it's going to come down all at once or piece by piece but I do know I want it to come down and that I very much want to be filled from the source of all life and all truth.

Summer 2006 Slide Show

2006-08-14T16:53:00.000+02:00

camps 2006

2006-06-30T15:13:00.000+02:00

hey out there! just a quick note to say that the last few days were jam packed with a training weekend we did for the Slovak and American church teams to prepare them for camp. And this afternoon everyone headed off to their camp location. The training days were great and I hope they were encouraging to the teams. I honestly can't believe that camps are starting tomorrow...it seems totally surreal.

for those of you interested we have 3 camps happening simultaneously this week. One for Bratislava, one for Presov and one for Lucenec. There were be about 30 Americans and 40 Slovaks hanging out with Slovak high schoolers this week and your prayers would be much appreciated. I am looking forward to keeping you posted on what God does in the following days. thanks for praying and walking on the path with us all. sorry I have been so abstentee lately...it's been crazy around here and I still have a few more weekend until it calms down a bit.

Out "clubbin"

2006-06-13T14:03:00.000+02:00

Out "clubbin"
Originally uploaded by amylawlor.

we went to this sketchy club called Michigan in Zilina. we were really entertained!

Intern Task

2006-06-13T14:02:00.000+02:00

Intern Task
Originally uploaded by amylawlor.

one of the Amazing Race tasks for the interns. We were having kind of a tough day...but it was pretty fun nonetheless.

crazy summer

2006-06-13T13:26:00.000+02:00

summer season has begun which means that i spend a few minutes a day thinking, "I should update my blog...I know just what I will write about" and then i totally get distracted or busy or something and forget about the update. so with a few free moments i thought I'd put a few things out there. Also lately my English ability seems to be really suffering. It's not that I am speaking so much Slovak that I have no need for English but my sentences are strange and my vocabulary is stunted and i am really sorry if these posts seem totally grammatically incorrect or somehow dumb.

One thing I really want to mention is just that God has been so faithfully getting my attention and nudging me forward and communicating some specific things to me that have been amazing. Now into my second year over here I am seeing some interesting stuff. This year has been "harder" in a lot of ways for a lot of reasons. But it's also been really sweet in terms of the deepening of my relationship with Jesus and in terms of the places where God is challenging me. I wish I could explain that better, but I will just leave it by saying that I love God more in these days than ever in my life. It's incredible to see Him living and working in my life and answering prayers and being faithful over and over again even when I am not.

The 2nd thing is that this summer is INSANE. As the director of summer camps for Slovakia I have a ton of stuff going on with the 3 camps we will do this summer. lots of logistics, planning, meetings, preparations etc. it's coming down to the wire. Additionally i am leading an intern team of 6 Americans which has been a huge blessing and really fun. So I am crazed until August but am thankful for it and God is doing some cool stuff with camp preparations and with the interns.

3rd if you are out there praying I would love for you to pray about our 3 camps. pray for the students who will be there and the American teams that are coming over to serve there. Pray for the interns as they build relationships before, during and after camp. Pray for me as I lead things and organize camps and interns. Pray for God to make his name great in Slovakia and for all of us to be a reflection of that.

Sorry this post is totally disjointed and rushed. I am running out the door and have a whole heck of a lot to do. I am posting some photos as well from the last few weeks. We did this incredible Amazing Race type thing across Czech Republic for the interns to get to know each other and do some team building. It was so fun and generated a lot of discussion topics and we got to know pretty well through it. Some of the photos are from there.

more to come as I have availability.

Heck yeah

2006-05-14T23:38:00.000+02:00

Starbucks!
Originally uploaded by amylawlor.

Sometimes the Lord calls you to do hard things...it's true. And people, this may terrify some of you but when I moved to Slovakia I forgot to mention one frightening fact about my new life here. I am 4 hours from the closest Starbucks! I know, I know, please dry your eyes, put your checkbooks down, it will be ok. Not all of us are cut out to live a life so far from the powerful, delicious, addictive, pleasure of that little green circle.

But, this Friday a little miracle came my way. No it wasn't world peace, or a solution to global warming, or even some type of resolution to ANY of the ridiculous junk happening on Lost this season. The miracle was a simple white cup...filled with Latte Goodness. And it was all mine. Sigh.

Thanks to Kenric for supplying this miracle when Lee Ann and i went to Vienna to pick him up at the airport. Look how much joy you brought me! and Lee Ann.

Smells like Jesus

2006-05-09T10:28:00.000+02:00

A million years ago when I was in college I took a Psych class called Sensation and Perception. It was basically a course about the 5 senses. We went into some deep detail about each of the senses and it amazed me how complex it all was, how little we actually understood them, and how important each of them is. By the end of that class I was able to diagram the neural processes involved in all 5 senses. It was incredible. I could map the intricate process of the visual system. I could trace the sensory pathways that are involved when you are touched pysically. It was so interesting and complicated and amazing to realize all the tiny things that happened to get an image from the television to the back of your eye to your brain.

I say all that really for one reason. The last sense we studied that semester was smell. Mainly because it was the least complicated physically and neurologically. But one thing we did learn is that although it's not a real complicated sense, it's the most powerfully tied to memory. Our sense of smell connects to our brains and our memories so strongly, and so intensely. Think about it for a second...ever walked through the mall and smelled the cologne/purfume of your 1st love? Ever walked into the house and smelled your favorite meal long before you knew what was on the menu? Ever been reduced to tears because you smelled something familar and the memories came flooding back to you? Our sense of smell is POWERFUL. A friend of mine here just got back from being in the states and is wearing a new purfume. It happens to be the same purfume that one of my very best friends from home wears...I think of her every time I smell it. Clean sheets, spring rain, Old Spice, whatever, spend a day sniffing stuff and see how strongly it connects to your memory.

Now, that i have set the stage a bit, here is a verse that God brought to me this week. I keep going back to it...chewing on it...and wishing I could imprint it on my brain.

"But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the FRAGRANCE of the knowledge of him. For we are to God the AROMA of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing" 2 Corinthians 2:14-15

Wow. Through us the fragrance of knowing God is dispersed. Another thing about scent is that a little goes a long way...a few molecules can really travel and be detected easily. As believers when we walk through life people can smell the God stuff on us. Maybe some of us have doused ourselves in it. Maybe some of us haven't put any on in a while and the smell of the world is more prevalent. But people should be able to smell it on us. We are the aroma of Christ. Incredible thought. In my life I want to put on so much of Christ that when I am around people smell it on me. That it fills up their nostrils. That I am indistinguishable from the smell. When people think of me they connect me with the aroma of Christ, the fragrance of the knowledge of God. How incredible to know that through our lives and our hearts and our daily wanderings God spreads the aroma of himself out all over the earth. So go ahead and hose yourself down with this "fragrance of life". There is no such thing as too much of it!

loud and clear

2006-04-18T22:43:00.000+02:00

When I was in college I had pretty much decided that the whole heaven and hell thing was bogus and that more than likely when we died we just died. Sometimes that thought REALLY freaked me out. I am talking panic...tears...sweating...unable to sleep. I would have these sudden panic moments where the uncertainty of death and the thought of a world without me just nearly drove me over an edge. Those moments used to happen fairly often.

They happen only rarely now. Last night I had one. I was getting ready for bed and just suddenly I got really freaked out by the thought of it. I very rationally tried to talk myself out of it. i prayed for God's comfort and truth and I felt a little better about the whole thing. I went to bed and read a little and then decided to pick up my bible. Currently in the mornings I read a little Old Testament and a little New Testament. Yesterday morning I started reading the book of Hebrews. I read Hebrews chapter 1 yesterday morning, so last night as I laid in bed I figured "well, I will just keep moving along into Hebrews Ch 2".

Sometimes we hear God in funny ways. Sometimes it's in a whisper. Sometimes he comes in loud and clear. Here is an excerpt from what I read last night...read in the context of my odd panic moment. The HE reference in this verse is Jesus

"Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might destroy him who holds the power of death - that is, the devil - and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death." Hebrews 2:14-15.

It floored me. To hear God speak to me through His word so specifically. It was a huge comfort and joy to me and I have been thinking about it all day. To know that I am set free from fear by Christ. I really really really needed to hear that...for a lot of different reasons.

the old man

2006-04-17T13:26:00.000+02:00

remember a few posts ago when I told the story about the old guy in the center of town almost getting beat up by the teenagers? if not just back up a few posts and read it. well anyway i failed to mention/realize that he wasn't just sitting on the ground. he actually doesn't have legs. i think his legs stop right below the knee. also he is fairly well known in town. he is mentally unstable, he has no legs, he sometimes pushes himself around town on a homemade cart of sorts, and is old, he has no home.

why tell you this? well here is the thing...as i mentioned my friends Paige and Stani and I saw him the other day. he was on the verge of being beaten up by 2 able bodied teenagers. he was sitting outside alone in the cold shouting at nothing. a few days later Paige and I say him again. Pushing himself around the streets in his homemade "cart" and shouting at nothing. Then yesterday, Easter Sunday, Paige saw him again dragging himself around town on his stumps. There is a man, who "lives" in my neighborhood who has no legs, no money, no home, no one to care for him, no hope. And as we sat in our church service yesterday and then enjoyed a lovely meal together with friends this man probably sat on his stumps somewhere in town and shouted at nothing.

since it's been Easter week I have been thinking a lot about Jesus. and I know that there was something extremely attractive to him about unattractive people. I know the bible talks more about the poor, and widowed, and marginalized than about most stuff. I know a life following Christ is a life of love and a call to treat others and respond to others the way Jesus would (which a lot of times means getting crapped on and degraded by the world). and I wonder what would Jesus do about this man living in my neighborhood. I know that Jesus didn't respond to every need around him. The bible doesn't tell us "and Jesus opened a clinic and cured all the diseases. then he opened a bank and supplied free money for every poor person in the world. The End". in the last week I have spent countless hours sending emails, creating task lists, talking about future ministry plans, discussing the strategy purpose and meaning our church and it's leaders, had conversations about the fact that we seem to be missing the point on a lot of things, the best way to "do ministry", effective, relevant ministry, etc. AND A MAN WITH NO LEGS DRAGS HIMSELF AROUND MY NEIGHBORHOOD ON STUMPS

I am re-reading a book that i find more and more incredible every day. I think i will probably read this book constantly for the rest of my life because i find the truths in it so powerful and they point me back towards the true center. It's called The Signature of Jesus and it's by a guy named Brennan Manning. On every page I read something and think "oh, that's a good one...I am gonna post that on my blog" but i think I would write the whole book here and get sued for copyright infringement or something. anyway, as i think about this man I read this section...

"So central is Jesus' teaching on humble apprenticeshop and SERVING LOVE as the essesnce of disipleship, that
Christ makes himself recognizable only in our brothers and sisters: 'Whatever you did for one of the least of these
brothers of mine, you did for me' (Matthew 25:40). In this context the words of Mother Teresa are impressive. At
the dedication of a hospice for the terminally ill in New York City, she said 'Each AIDS victim is Jesus in a
distressing disguise'" p. 96

Part of me is very afraid of this man. He's not mentally stable, and for the sake of safety I am probably not going to have him camp out on my couch. But if he is Jesus in a very distressing disguise...there has to be something reasonable I can do to serve him. I am thinking of what that means and how i can carry it out. In love. In faith. And in the knowlege that Jesus sees us all equally and his love for us has nothing to do with how well we clean up. It has everything to do with him.

crazy

2006-04-06T22:06:00.000+02:00

I am not sure why I am even posting this story. other than it was interesting to me and it's on my mind as i sit here thinking of going to bed. First of all it's freezing cold again today...and when I say freezing I mean it's actually below 32 degrees. Anyway, I went to dinner with some friends tonight and as we were leaving and walking towards the center of town we hear all this racket. looking to the right there is a guy sitting on the ground...in the middle of the center of town very loudly "singing" and very loudly "playing" a guitar. I say "singing" and "playing" because he was more accurately just pounding on the guitar with his fists and shouting. He was older and obviously not quite all there and probably drunk or mentally hanicapped or something. But the crazy thing was there were these 2 younger guys there and they were in some sort of loud discussion with him. Then it escalated as we stood there and the old man stayed sitting on the ground while one of the younger guys tried to kick him. then the old guy pulls this cane out and starts hitting the younger guy. there was a small scuffle and some yelling and hitting and then it seemed like the younger guy finally came to his senses and realized he was attempting to beat up a homeless/handicapped/elderly man and that it was a pretty ridiculous thing to do. then it was over. and the old man continued shouting his song and pounding on that guitar.

again I am not sure why i tell this story. but you know when sometimes you see strange things and you think about them for a while? so that was a little about my day. other than that I spent seriously the whole day in a meeting. the whole day.

yesterday was a "red tape" when it rains it pours kind of day. I got a notice about a bill for my internet that hasn't been paid yet (because I don't have a key to the mailbox in my building so I never got the 1st bill). I got a notice that a package was sent to me from the states but it's in cutoms prison and i have to go to the post office and pay them to give me my mail. I found out I have been paying my rent incorrectly and I am behind 2 months in payments. And the documentation I need for my Slovak VISA is some sort of mystery paperwork that no one knows anything about. I mean all of that was in one day! So tomorrow i will be paying some bills before they kick me outta here and cut off my internet!

signing off for the day...more to come

belated posting

2006-04-05T20:04:00.001+02:00

I was doing so well and posting so regularly (thanks to my blogger widget) then I went to Croatia and lost momentum. Sorry about that. So to get you up to speed the women's conference was GREAT. not so much because we had some great speaker or some great program, but because it became a place where i really communicated with God in a way that I have needed for a long time. I am so thankful for it and left that place feeling changed...different...renewed...in an indescribable way. It's too much to go into here but if you are interested in more detail on it feel free to ask. I am thankful for this time in part because I KNOW that if my mind and heart hadn't been directed back towards Christ I would not be surviving the world in which I am living. And at the same time, coming off this "mountain top" experience I find myself still getting overwhelmed by circumstances, or chosing to put other things in front of God, or believing lies about who I am or who God is. I guess that is part of being human...but it doesn't mean i have to like it.

our team and ministries are facing some challenged right now and we are all just looking for the right direction to be shown to us. It's this strange place of being really forced to rely on God. which is tough and counter-intuitive and frustrating. but it's also amazing to time and time again hear God telling us all "I am bigger than this. i will take care of you. I love you and I am with you." So we all hang on to that in our own ways.

I am working a good bit and traveling too. We have a lot to think about in regards to camp this summer and with all the transitions some decisions are harder to make than others. trying to make good decisions and see how God wants to use it in my life and in others.

Some interesting life events as of late...
the snow is all melted...thanks to 2 weeks of near constant rain. still looking forward to Spring...whenever it decides to show up
apparently central Europe "springs forward" a week ahead of the US. who knew? certainly not me as I spent a whole Sunday really confused.
In the last 3 weeks I have spent time in 5 different countries. How cool is that?
I think I am going to have to learn how to drive a stick shift. And I am nervous. If anyone wants to buy me an automatic over here feel free.
I still don't speak Slovak. Mainly because it's hard as crap and I don't spend near enough time studying. :(
I am obsessed with the TV show Lost. We download it and watch it as a group every Sunday night. We aren't caught up with the states yet but we are close.

Ok...that's about all i have for now. feel free to comment, write, pray, call, send peanut butter and starbucks coffee, what ever strikes your fancy.

more soon...

Team #1

2006-04-05T20:04:00.000+02:00

Team #1
Originally uploaded by amylawlor.

Our team was number one!!! We were playing a super fun game at this conference and initially our team wasn't doing so great. But we managed to go from last to 2nd and we were pretty proud of that. I wish I wasn't making such a weird face here but the rest of the picture makes me laugh a lot. Such great women...I continue to be honored to be counted among them.

yeah...we're kissin at you

2006-04-05T20:01:00.000+02:00

yeah...we're kissin at you
Originally uploaded by amylawlor.

Just wanted to post some recent photos...so you don't forget what I look like. the story behind this one is that we were at a Women's Retreat. Someone sent make up and this poor tube of Mary Kay lipstick was being ignored. We decided to put it to good use. Are you scaredof us? Cause I kinda am.

No More Underwear

2006-03-21T20:10:00.000+01:00

It was the catchy headline wasn't it...

I guess I should say NO MORE LONG UNDERWEAR!!!! I left the house today (for the 1st time since November) with just jeans on...I didn't have to wear all my layers today!

Rejoice with me people! It's going to be above freezing all week! Sunshine! Warm Weather! Rejoice!

My walk to work today was GLORIOUS! The sun...the warmth...i heard birds...it was super great. I love Spring. I can't wait for it to really be here.

Hooray!

This week

2006-03-13T00:07:00.000+01:00

Hey there all you fans...wanted to let you know I would be gone for the whole week and probably would not be posting while I am away. I am going to a conference in Croatia and looking forward to some solitude and some good time with God. Praying about some specific things and being taught some specific things lately. Look forward to tell y'all about it next week. Have a good one :)

Music that rocks my face off

2006-03-09T21:28:00.000+01:00

Most of you know that I am a huge, obsessive, music lover. I really just love hearing new stuff and being exposed to bands that maybe aren't mainstream but are doing cool things and have interesting things to say. Thought I would do a little post about some stuff I am listening to currently that you may want to check out. I will list a band and a few songs that I think are tops pics from the CD. check them out...you might like them. Most of them aren't traditionally "Christian" but that doesn't make them any less amazing. Enjoy.

Iron and Wine (pretty mellow and "folky")
-Naked as we came
-Such Great Heights
-Woman King

Sufjan Stevens (a little eclectic and quirky...but beautiful songs and really interesting instrumentation)
-Chicago
-Casimir Pulaski Day
-7 Swans

Hem (hard to describe...)
-The present
-The Beaufiul Sea

Imogen Heap (electronic "ish"...she is the lead singer for Frou Frou if you are familar. Had music on the Narnia soundtrack)
-Clear the Area
-Hide and Seek
-The Moment I said it

The Weepies
-This whole CD is INSANELY GOOD. It's my favorite of any of the new stuff I am listening to

Jenny Lewis (kind of a edgy, darker Allison Krause sound. It's almost country but with deep lyrics and cooler sounds)
-Rise up with Fists!

Jose Gonzalez (super mellow guitar and vocal)
-Heartbeats
-Love Stain

The Perishers (just good jangly guitar rock)
-Sway
-Still here

Rosie Thomas (incredible vocals...mellow...good for rainy days)
-Pretty Dress
-Death came and got me
-I play music

PS-I have to give my friend Dan Portnoy credit for introducing me to most of this music. He's the reason I am going broke buying music :)

Thursday in SK

2006-03-09T21:04:00.000+01:00

It snowed here all day. Every day when I walk outside I think..."surely Spring will be here soon" but alas another day of snow makes the impending hope of Spring still seem far away. Not that the snow isn't beautiful...it is. Not that I am not thankful to live in a country with 4 really distinct, really beautiful seasons...I am. But I'm gonna be needing some sunshine soon. Some warmer temps. To wear something a bit less than 37 layers of underwear. I am so excited for sping and in a way it's really cool to have it come later and to really be excited and amazed to watch it slowly happen. In atlanta we have about 3 days of spring where everything turns yellow from the pollen. This is followed by 4 months of bursting
into flames as soon as you walk out of your front door.

I actually didn't even leave the house today...the beautiful of being able to work from home when need be. I had no intention of staying inside all day. I mean I showered, put on real clothes...even a little makeup. I just never managed to walk out the door.

I am working on a large update letter to send out (I try to do that monthly) but find myself with writers block (or perhaps it's sheer laziness).

I have meetings most of the day tomorrow. Our team is still trying to put together the most effective way to train youth leaders in SLovakia on how to create and execute a summer English camp. We have some tough questions to answer and some difficult issues to think through. If you are reading this...and you are one of the ones who prays for us here I would love to ask you to keep us in your minds. OUr church here in Zilina as well as our training ministry. Please pray that we would be focused on what God is doing and how he wants to use us. thanks for that...really.

unrequited

2006-03-07T18:43:00.000+01:00

There are times where I am pretty darn excited to post on this thing. If I feel like I have something funny or insightful or helpful to share and I wonder/hope that I may have entertained or spoken to someone or something like that. Some people have a "counter" on their blog...and some even have systems that tell them who logged on to their blog, who is reading it, what country they are in, and other important info. I don't have one of those...so I honestly have no idea if there are 5 people or 500 people cruising past this thing.

But I want to extend the invitation to post comments. Or even just shoot me an email if you have a comment and are reluctant to lose anonymity. It's great to hear from people...even those who may disagree. And if you read this and like it or feel like you have something to add I would be glad to hear it. Or even if we haven't talked in a while and you want to say hi...that's ok too.

otherwise I will be forced to add a counter to this thing and track my fan base which I am sure will be a huge encouragement.

PS-I am going to have to ask if anyone is ok with Handkerchiefs anymore. This is a country of runny noses and "sniffing" is a cultural no no so people are constantly blowing their noses. And I see countless people honk some nastiness into a piece of cloth and then wad it up and shove it back into their pants. HELLO! GROSS! Why is that ok??? Just thought I'd mention it.

the point

2006-03-06T09:56:00.000+01:00

Over the last few days I have found myself thinking, "What's the point?"...now hear my tone in that. it's not a defeated fatalistic kind of thing but rather a "seriously God...I want to know what the point is, and to make sure I don't miss it." And I realize I have posted similar thoughts to what I really feel I need to post here but this morning it overtook me in a way that doesn't happen very often. Most of us are dealing with this question regardless of our belief system, or if we work in ministry full time, or if we sit in an office all day marketing widgets. But seriously...ask yourself what is the point. Life, work, relationships, faith, love, all of it.

The disciples and even Paul once they realized that jesus was the messiah and that their lives, purposes, beliefs, futures were forever changed went out and talked about the Jesus they knew. They went to various communities (some of them stayed close to home and some of them traveled to the ends of the earth) and they said, "Hey! You guys...here in Corinth or Ephesus, or Jerusalem, or wherever. Here is how you maximize the person you were created as. Here is how you bring purpose to your life. Here is the point of this whole thing. It's Christ. End of story. The point is that Christ is #1 in all circumstances and in him you live free and forgiven and eternally. Now do it. Put him first in your life and watch the change that takes place. Live free, forgiven, powerful radical lives and you will change the world". They didn't tell them the types of programs to start or how to mobilize people or what ministries to promote or what desk jobs they should and shouldn't have. That wasn't the point. it was that Christ is LIFE CHANGING. Meeting Christ and really "getting it" knocks you off your horse, blinds you and realigns your path in RADICAL ways.

The point is that in living a life so radically changed and dramatically different that the people in your circle/community (wherever that may be) can't help but notice...and that the only answer you could give them would be Jesus. I feel like I (and you may agree in your life) am substituting good deeds and programs and plans for this radically changed life. The radicalness (i know that isn't a word but you get it) of our lives isn't so much a "go crazy! throw yourself off a cliff. stand on the street corners and rant and rave. move to zimbabwe and "convert" the natives". The radicalness is that you are so monstrously loving, kind, compassionate, forgiving, holy, Christ-honoring, righteous, humble (and so many other things that are pure human nature is INCAPABLE of without Christ doing it for us) that we would blow people's minds with it. That our lives would be so counter-cultural (in a character way...not a wow, that guy is a crazy religious freak way) that people would stop and say "how in the world could someone really be like that".

I am not living a life of radically changed heart, character, desire...so instead I substitute and believe that doing enough good things, or "christian" things will make up for it. But I can do the most amazing "christian" stuff in the world and if my life doesn't reflect Christ then it's WORTHLESS. I have not been knocked off my horse, blinded, and refocused on the singular goal of bringing glory to my God. And I know this, so I try to make up for it in other ways. People look at WHAT I DO and think it's great or that I must love God or have faith, but I would so much rather people look at WHO I AM and think those things.

I want my heart and character to be transformed by Christ into the image of Christ so that if I am in Slovakia, or Africa, or in a cube pushing papers around, or sitting at the dinner table with my parents that something about me is OBVIOUS and BEAUTIFUL in the same way that Jesus was. And that when people ask "why" I am the way I am, my answer is sincere and it points in the only direction that matters.

staring out the window

2006-03-05T15:46:00.000+01:00

a couple of things...
first of all since I announced the directive to blog about something funny i feel like I am going to let you down. as much as I have been trying to come up with something funny...I am drawing a blank. Not that my life is so mediocre or depressing that there is nothing lighthearted in my world. but as for laugh out loud "that would make a great story" I am at a loss. And as most of you know, when you go looking for something it becomes all elusive and we can't find what we are looking for. or maybe it's just me. so...if you are looking for a laugh out loud moment with me here I am sorry! maybe next time

secondly I find myself staring out the window a lot. the kitchen window which looks out at another grey aparment building or the living room window which looks out at my street. I just stare. sometimes I think or pray or blank out or whatever. for a few weeks there was an old woman (it actually took me a few days to figure out it was a woman) who would come outside super early in the morning with a snow shovel and some sort of metal ice chopping hoe/shovel deal. she would be outside for several hours chopping at the ice on the sidewalk in front of her building. Clank, Clank,Clank...trying to work through the 4 inch thick layer of ice that is on all the sidewalks. So she'd spend hours doing this. And have to do it again the next day.

I watch the snow. I watch the people falling down because the sidewalks are covered in ice. I watch the people who think no one sees them let their dog poop on the sidewalk. But mostly I am just looking at nothing. I suppose I could have some philosophical take on this, or use it as some sort of spiritual metaphor. but honestly I just wanted to tell you about staring out the window.

I am sure you are hoping my next post will be about watching paint dry...and it might be but probably not.

Life in SK

2006-02-28T12:31:00.000+01:00

It's still cold here. I am really looking forward to warmer temperatures and sunny skies. with tomorrow being the 1st day of March I expect we will have warmer weather soon.

As for me...I have been trying to work and work and work. My new job responsibilites are still exciting but with each meeting I realize how much I have to do, how little I know, and how many things are still undefined. I want to do this job well. i don't want to fail or be uncertain or let people down so I keep praying for God to guide the process and show me what to do next. We are planning camps for the current year and we are also developing a new process and strategy for future camps. There are still many unanswered questions and many decisions to make about the best options and next steps for us.

On a personal note...I am trying to think of something entertaining or clever or some story and I am totally drawing a blank. That will be my goal for the week though...a funny story or embarassing international incident.

We have been watching the olympics a lot here. Slovakia won it's first winter olympic medal this year which was great. They got a silver medal in Snowboarding. We had to endure Slovakia losing to Czech Republic in hockey...it's kind of like Florida and Tennessee a few years ago...no matter how good Tennessee was Florida always psyched them out.

On my way now to track down a little lunch and then will be back to work.

Happy Anniversary to Me!

2006-02-14T10:03:00.000+01:00

Today is my one year anniversary in Slovakia. I cannot believe it's been a year. I want to take some time this week and get away to think about what the last year has taught me. To think about the things that are different and the things that are the same. I may be surprised at both. I can tell you I don't regret being here for one moment. Never, at any point in the last 365 days have I thought that being in Slovakia was a bad decision. Well, actually there was my 1st night in my new apartment all by myself that I had a bit of a meltdown...but other than that one night there have been no regrets. I think back to how utterly terrified I was to leave my familiar world. Looking back it seems a little silly now that i was that apprehensive but it's good for me to remember that fear. It helps me remember how sovereign God is, and how He keeps his promises, and how he provides for our needs (even when we aren't sure what we need). I am going to include at the bottom here a journal entry from February 2005...I re-read it this morning and smiled at myself. I kinda wished I could go back in time to tell myself..."chill out. it's really going to be ok". But that's part of the trust thing with God. And now when God urges me to do something that is scary or out of my comfort zone that requires me to just trust my God...I have an unbelievable example of a time when I trusted in Him and He blew my mind. Enjoy the below post...remember it's from a year ago!

February 9, 2005
4 days…there is such this fluctuation of wanting to leave and wanting to
stay. Mostly it is wanting to stay but it feels a lot like the day I
started college at Furman and I bawled in the back of my dads Buick for an
hour. I don’t like leaving…healthy or unhealthy…better for me or not better
for me…God’s will or not God’s will staying put seems safer and
controllable. My friend Sarah compared it to a roller coaster the other
night and as I thought about that analogy it made more and more sense.

You pay your money, you want to get on, you know it’s going to be a thrill,
people tell you how unforgettable and amazing it will be, and as your turn
approaches your stomach drops lower and lower. You have thoughts like
“maybe I could duck out of line now”, or “am I really sure I want to do
this”. But you stay in line. You are going to be on the next train and
your heart is now in your throat. You try to make light of it…joke a
bit…look around at how unafraid and excited everyone else is and think “I
can do this. People do this sort of thing all the time. Don’t be
ridiculous about it”. So you get in the silly little car. You strap in.
And you think, “what in the world am I doing. This may be a bad idea” But
you certainly can’t hop off now and you tell yourself to calm down. The
train starts…click, click, click, click up an incline you can’t see over the
edge of. You find yourself higher and higher in the air, at a more
ridiculous angle than you anticipated. Sweaty palmed you hang on for dear
life, pray for it to end soon, and think about faking a seizure or something
just so they’ll let you off. Click, click, click…how high are we going to
go anyway? Hang on…tell yourself everything is going to be ok and swear to
God you’ll never ride another one of these %$#@ things again.

That is where I am right now. I am click, click, clicking my way to the top
of a very scary, very unfamiliar roller coaster. I have no idea what is
going to happen when I plunge over that edge in 4 days. There are some
major differences though between the roller coaster experience above and the
situation in which I now find myself. The main difference being that I can
be completely confident in the designer, creator, owner, and operator of my
particular ride. Instead of a terrifying “carnie” who hasn’t seen a
toothbrush in weeks, the operator of all these switches and levers is
totally trustworthy, loves me beyond measure and has promised me that he has
my best interests at heart (For I know the plans I have for you, plans to
prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11).

I may have no idea where this ride will go, but my God, who designed it,
built it, runs it, and strapped me securely into my seat knows perfectly.
Because He is good and trustworthy I have nothing to fear…and because my
desire is that the purpose of my life will be to make His name Famous I will
stay on this crazy train.

it's freaking freezing here

2006-02-07T14:14:00.000+01:00

I just gotta tell y'all. It's freaking freezing here! I am talking when I walked home last night it was 1 degree out. 1 degree!!! C'mon people that's cold.

Pretty low key around here these days. Just been working and trying to get my apartment increasingly livable. I keep reminding myself that each day that passes I am one day closer to Spring. The snow is beautiful especially since I have never really lived in a cold weather climate. It's so cool so walk around the city all bundled up (I look like that kid from A Christmas Story that can't put his arms down because of his snow suit) and watch the snow fall and hear it crunching under my feet.

I have been working on things for the camps this summer and trying to figure out exactly what I am supposed to be doing in this new job :) I continue to pray for wisdom and grace as we all work through our new roles and figure out the important things for our various projects. Thankful for my team and for the wise people around me.

We are all praying for the status of things within our new church community. We have had some "upheaval" as of late and with this comes confusion, hurt feelings, and uncertainty about the future. God's doing some significant things in this city and the enemy isn't interested in seeing those things happen. If you think about it, please pray for our church and the leadership. We all want to make God famous in this city and pray that He would show us the best way to do that.

Me and Santa

2006-02-01T19:13:00.000+01:00

Me and Santa
Originally uploaded by amylawlor.

For those of you concerned with my "sin nature" here you go. Now I realize Santa and I are from different backgrounds and there is a wide age gap...but who are you to judge! He's totally into me..can't you see it in his eyes? I think we make a lovely couple. And he's pretty much a hottie.

Slovak Girls!

2006-02-01T19:10:00.000+01:00

Slovak Girls!
Originally uploaded by amylawlor.

These are the 10 Slovak girls that came to the states this January for Passion. We had such a great time and it was pretty funny being the "native" for once. We forced them to eat huge portions of high fat foods and drove everywhere in large vehicles. It was so American. PS-free refils should be a national mandate

SK friends

2006-02-01T19:07:00.000+01:00

SK friends
Originally uploaded by amylawlor.

I really just wanted to put some recent pictures up. This is from my recent trip to the states. Lee Ann, Melanie, Zuzka and me! We had 10 Slovak girls come to the States to attend the Passion 06 conference. it was stinking incredible and God blew our doors off with his provision and so many cool things that happened.

I worry

2006-02-01T18:00:00.000+01:00

there...I've said it. I worry. I layed awake last night and worried. About various things. I worry about money. I worry about being "poor" for the rest of my life. I worry about my checking account. I worry about the fact that in the nearly 7 years since i graduated from college I have had 8 jobs with 5 different companies and lived at 9 different addresses. I worry that I will never be "settled". I worry that if I ever do get "settled" I will be bored. I worry that I will never get married. I worry that I will. I worry that my friends will forget about me. i worry that I will forget about them. I worry that I don't pray enough. I worry that I am missing something critical in my spiritual life. I worry about my sin issues. I worry about my self-absorption. i worry about my job. I worry about my parents. I worry about letting people down. Last night was just an exceptionally vivid night of worry. I couldn't stop. My mind turned over and over and over on a million things. I tried to read. I tried to pray. I tried to sleep. But I just flipped over and over in my bed.

Now...I know I am not SUPPOSED to worry. I kept telling myself that God is bigger than my small worries that he has promised to take care of me and all my needs. And at some level I believe that...or at least i think i do. Why is it so hard to get that kind of information from your head to your heart to your soul? Ask me if I believe that God is bigger than my worries and I will say "absolutely" then I lay awake all night and worry. There are so many truths like that...that I KNOW at an intellectual level but that haven't filtered down into my heart. and maybe it was just a bad night...I don't normally stay awake and worry. But it made me think about how there are so many things I know but don't really KNOW. How do you get there? really?

home is a fluid concept

2006-01-31T13:47:00.000+01:00

I should probably say something here about the fact that i haven't updated this blog in forever. But such is life, y'all know I get lazy or bored or distracted or kidnaped my aliens or whatever the latest excuse is. I was pleasantly surprised while I was home to hear how many of you are reading this blog. i really thought no one was paying attention...so I pouted and stopped writing. But now that i know I have a few of you I will be more motivated.

Being back in the states was really good. I had so much fun seeing friends and family and eating foods I love and driving a car again. I didn't think much about life here in Slovakia or what it would be like when I returned. I was just enjoying my time in the good old US of A. I did see that "home" is a fluid concept. We all think of different things when we hear that word. Home is where your heart is...you can't go home again...this is my home away from home etc. Some people define home as where their stuff is, or where someone they love is. For some people it's anywhere mom or dad is. some people never feel "home". Some of us believer that this earth is definitely not our home, and that we will only really be HOME when this whole thing ends and we are reunited with the Father who made us and prepared an eternal home for us. When I am in Slovakia there are things I miss about my American home...and vice versa. My friend Paige calls it "a permanent homesickness" which makes sense. i think that no matter where I am from here on out I will always be missing some place or some people. Thinking that I will never be without this sense of "missing" is kind of depressing. But in a way it reminds me that I really am living in a temporary home right now...in the Old Testament it's referred to as a tent. Right now I live in a tent and I can dress it up and buy lots of cool stuff from IKEA and hang photos on the wall but so matter where it is...it isn't REALLY home. See, home is where my creator lives. Home is where the Lord is. And at some point I get to leave the tent and head for the mansion God has prepared for me. I don't really get that or understand how it works of what it looks like exactly. But to know that at some point the homesickness will leave permanently. What a concept.

the same...only different

2005-12-21T20:48:00.000+01:00

It's funny...but some things don't really change. In Atlanta I complained about spending 2 hours in the car every day. In Slovakia I complain about walking 2 hours a day in the snow. In Atlanta during Christmas I was irritated and depressed about being rushed and having to deal with all the holiday busyness. In Slovakia I am irritated and depressed that it doesn't feel like Christmas and my busyness has nothing to do with the holiday season. What I am trying to say here is that there are times where I know my attitude about things hasn't changed in the slightest in my year here. That whole "be thankful in everything" is hard to do sitting in traffic every single day on my way to work and it's hard to do walking half an hour in the snow every single day on my way to work. It's hard when I am so overwhelmed with all the people around me, and when I am so lonely I feel like I am the only one in the world. Which really is kind of the point in a lot of this...being able to be thankful regardless of circumstances. There are always circumstances that aren't fun, or aren't what we want or what we expect but it's how we respond during those circumstances that tell us who we really are.

so anyway, just some thoughts on this random wednesday night. I had kind of a crummy day...one of those where if something could go wrong it did (couldn't get the printer to work in the office...took the wrong bus and wasted an hour etc. etc.). and I am really missing home this holiday season. it's the first time in a really long time that I am homesick which makes me cranky.

more to come I am sure

Come closer

2005-11-11T12:04:00.000+01:00

prague
Originally uploaded by amylawlor.

I was traveling this week and took this photo from the Charles Bridge in Prague. I thought it was beautiful and tragic all at the same time. So often I forget about this image. Forget the sacrifice, forget the blood shed and the reasons why, forget the necessity of it all, forget the intensity and power of the Cross of Christ. I pursue a life of "Christless leisure" which to be honest, is just easier sometimes.

I am hesitant to post one more entry about letting the busyness of life crowd out the truly important things. And embrassed to be in that place yet again. Embarassed to have to confess again that my prayers are shallow, my flesh weak, and my spirit drained. My mind has been set on wordly things, things that pass away as opposed to things that are eternal. And where my mind goes so goes my heart.

I want to draw closer to God, to His heart, to His Spirit, to His will. But I think first I have to draw close to the Cross. "He who knows me knows the Father"

Lessons Learned

2005-09-11T14:37:00.000+02:00

Often people ask me, "What's it like to live over there?" or "Man, that must be a neat experience" or "why the #$%& would you want to move so far away?" and other such things. A lot of time my response is something lame, and unthought out like "it's been a really great opportunity" or "I am learning so much" and I leave it at that. Occasionally people ask what I am learning. It's a good question...and i have these experiences and say to myself "well, that is a lesson learned". So in the interest of reminding myself and telling all my adoring fans here is a brief run down of lessons learned...some serious, some funny, some that will apply only to me, some that you may disagree with...but all lessons learned (some have to be learned multiple times unfortunately).

1) I am a big fan of personal space...not getting it makes me really cranky
2) On a related note...it is possible to be touching/to be being touched by at least 6 different people on the bus at one time.
3) The train station in Poprad DOES NOT tell you what track number your train will be on if it is track 1 or 2, so pay attention
4) Letters and packages from home are really special
5) I have really great people in my life
6) Coffee is addictive
7) God is very real
8) The bottom line: Love God, Love Other People. End of story.
9) If the milk smells bad, it probably is
10) I hate cabbage
11) If a student teaches you a new Slovak word, then tells you to go say it to someone else, it's probably crude
12) I am completely self-absorbed
13) Suffering is not a bad thing...you learn more in times of hardship than ever in your life
14) A prayerful life is cultivated when you run out of options, patience is learned from situations that try your patience, and humility is learned through humiliation...be careful what you pray for.
15) If you nod and smile people will think you understand what they are saying.
16) When in doubt you can respond with the words probably or maybe.
17) Plants die if you don't water them
18) Love
19) It is possible to not share DNA with people but to still consider then family
20) Life is really really really short...every moment is an opportunity.

What to blog

2005-09-11T14:03:00.000+02:00

Hello out there faithful blog checkers. So it's Sunday...I am still in my pjamas and it's 2:15. I am seriously considering making another pot of coffee. So far today I have been working/reading/cleaning/catching up on current events. Had a busy week and will cover some of the highlights...think I will make coffee first. And just a warning...I am feeling very stream of consciousness today so in all likelihood this post may be really long and may not make sense.

Highlights of the weeks:
I played squash again (I have my very own raquet now). I am liking this sport. A lot.

There is a girl named Maja that I have been meeting with at the cafe for several months. She doesn't speak much English at all so we always try to communicate and it's sometimes really awkward and frustrating. She is really cute and sweet and I have just been so frustrated that we can't really talk. This week we met at the cafe. And we talked for about an hour and a half...ALL IN STINKING SLOVAK!!!!!!!!! it was huge. I understood a lot (not all) of what she said and I think I was making myself understood too (which is an even bigger struggle for me). I had a long coversation with someone in Slovak! It amazed me and gave me hope for the future and an even bigger desire to learn Slovak well. I have to admit that my side of the conversation sounded like this..."I was really bad, and sad and not nice. I was very depressed and sad but I not know why. My friend talk to me about God. I went to new kind of church. I told God yes. Now my life is better." but hey, it's a start!

My small group started meeting! There are 4 Slovak girls, me, and my roommate Lee Ann in the group. We are working now to figure out what we will study. The Slovak girls are all believers, students at the University in Presov, and involved in ministry in the city. My hope is that this group will encourage them and help them feel like they can lead a small group of their own soon with high school age girls. I am really excited about this group and about pouring into the girls during this time.

Our follow up to KECY summer, called KECY Klub started last night. We will meet monthly to continue conversations, get students thinking and have fun. The party last night was fun and it was really cool to see some of the students I had not seen since camp. We are tying to start a "small group" thing within KECY Klub. I am trying to figure out what that looks like and how to really express how important it is to live life with other people.

These were just a few of the cool things I got to do this week. So many days I am walking through this city thinking "I cannot believe I get to live this life. I am so blessed by God to do what I do." Not that everyday is some cake walk and I could probably write another blog entry about the lowlights of the week as well. But I don't really want to. Some days life is hard here, but it's hard wherever you are too...life is just like that.

My calendar is quickly filling up for this next week too, language lessons, my first day teaching Conversational English in a high school here, meetings with students, etc. Looking forward to whatever comes my way in the coming days!

KECY Girls

2005-08-26T20:05:00.000+02:00

KECY Girls
Originally uploaded by amylawlor.

A little belated but I wanted post this picture from KECY this year. The girl on the top row far right is my friend ja-ja (her real name is lenka but there was some problem with her sister pronouncing lenka so anyway it's ja ja). She and I watch movies together (usually at her parents house). And guess what her favorite genre is? That's right...the romantic comedy! So I am getting caught up on all the sappy romantic comedys I have been avoiding for so long!

But I will be teaching English at the high school that most of the girls in this photo go to. I am pretty excited about that and I am really excited to spend more time with them. They are all really cute and fun and sweet and I appreciate that I get to be part of their lives.

Would love prayer for these 6 girls if you are thinking about it!

From bottom row left to right:
Simona, Vladka, Zuzka, Olga, Eva, and Ja-Ja

My friend Magda

2005-08-26T19:49:00.000+02:00

I asked my friend Magda to have pizza with me the other day. So we went. Magda is 18, and is a high school student here in Presov. She has been to KECY camp for the last 3 summers and comes to a lot of our Kecy Klub events. She likes hanging out with the people on that team. She doesn't have the same beliefs but still she keeps coming to things. So we had pizza and talked about her trip to a Red Cross camp in Germany and the fact that she and her boyfriend just broke up. After pizza we walked to get ice cream (I need a whole blog posting about the importance of ice cream in this country...seriously) and we walked the city for hours just talking about school, and life and anything else that came to mind. I like spending time with Magda and I am hoping to getting to know her better this year.

The trouble with Blogging

2005-08-23T16:03:00.000+02:00

Here's the thing, blogging is tougher than it seems. Part of me really wants to be funny, and to post funny pictures and say amusing things. The part of me wants to be serious and post serious things that are in my heart and mind. I feel like all the funny stuff makes me seem shallow, and like I am not actually "working" here and that all the serious stuff makes me sound like someone I am not, or that I am trying too hard to be "spiritual" because that is the expectation of what someone in my "job" ought to be. At this point some of you are saying "you really should be less concerned with what people think of you" and you would be right. But at the same time I want to give an accurate presentation of what life is like here...work, fun, spirituality, ministry, personal stuff etc. I don't have fun all the time here, I don't think spiritual thoughts all the time here, I guess there is no aspect that is constant and a lot like most of you there are good days, bad days, funny moments, sad times, and difficult challenges. I want to post about life and talk about what is happening around me. And I hate that I worry about whether the people reading this will think I am playing too much, working too much, being too self-absorbed, or whatever. There is a really blurry line here between what is work what is play what is ministry and what is personal. It all sort of blends and bleeds and mixes together and then it's midnight and I think "where the heck did the day go?"

spent the last 2 days at a lake on the eastern side of Slovakia. Mike, Lee Ann and I went for a little downtime and to talk about plans for Presov for the next few months. The area we stayed in was kind of a Communist Panama City...if you can picture that. We had a good time though. This week I am going to be studying Slovak like a mad woman...one of these days I am going to whip this language thing!!!

Another Campfest moment

2005-08-17T22:43:00.000+02:00

we're so hot right now
Originally uploaded by amylawlor.

We were totally jamming out to a "rap" band one night at campfest. Lee Ann, Bekah and I are really good dancers, and this was one of the few acts in English so you can bet we were singing along at the top of our lungs! Lots of funny moments this week including but not limted to our tent blowing into a a barbed wire fence, realizing we have lost all social skills in our brief time in Slovakia, and learning a new Slovak phrase "you have missed your train and will have to wait for the next one". life continues to be an adventure and I am amazed I get to live it!

Headed to Zilina tomorrow and then on a KECY Klub trip to some place I can't pronounce. More than likely I will end up on a hike I am not prepared for.
be back online consistently on Saturday I think...

and by the way I think I have found my sport today...it's called squash. All the things that make my tennis game terrible (i.e. no control, placement, wanting to kill the ball everytime) make my squash game pretty good. I just crushed that little ball...but I am not 100% sure I understood all the rules so I may have actually lost. But it's a good way to vent some frustrations!

I went camping!

2005-08-17T22:35:00.000+02:00

We're camping!
Originally uploaded by amylawlor.

I did it. I went camping. I can handle camping. I am good for maybe 1 night and 2 days...that's about perfect for me. Campfest was great. there were a ton of people there and it was really fun to be a part of it. It only rained a little and the tent stayed dry...because of the rain I will admit I had a brief flashback to Passion 03...shudder. It was really cold at night, hence the cool hat in this photo that my roommate Lee Ann and I took while in our tent late one evening. But I gotta tell you, a hot shower and comfy bed win my vote every time.

camping trip

2005-08-10T09:04:00.000+02:00

Ok kids,
today I am heading out for a 4 day camping trip. I know you are saying, "I didn't even know you liked camping!" and you are right I don't. But we are going to this huge Worship Festival called Campfest which is probably the biggest ministry related event in all of Slovakia for the year. So we are going. Ah yes...the great outdoors. and me. in a tent. without a shower. for 4 days. awesome.

all kidding aside I am looking forward to hanging out with some of my students who are there and connecting with them. they are all really excited about the weekend and it will be great to share it with them.

hope everyone has a good week/weekend...I will be back online Sunday morning!

Isaiah 43

2005-08-07T10:28:00.000+02:00

Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; when you pass through the rivers they will not sweep over you; and when you pass through the fire you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I give Egypt for your ransom, Cush and Seba in your stead. Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give men in exchange for you, and people in exchange for your life. Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west. I will say to the north, 'Give them up!' and to the south, 'Do not hold them back.' Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth - everyone who is called by my name; whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made. Isaiah 43:1-7

In God's sight, what do I look like? Something in me tells me that in His sight I am unloved, and unworthy, and useless. But the truth is, that in His sight I am precious and honored and loved. God is with me...all the time. I am created by Him, formed and shaped and created...all for HIS glory.

Insanely good book

2005-08-04T16:07:00.000+02:00

I am reading a book called The Signature of Jesus by Bennan Manning. He is pretty radical and edgy and intense but he also has some incredible stuff to say about the reality of "the Christian life" the American Dream, and what being a disciple of Jesus really means. I urge you to pick up the book but be prepared to read some tough stuff. it's really challenging but so honest.

some excepts...

"The greatest need for our time is for the church to become what is has seldom been: the body of Christ with its face to the world, loving others regardless of religion or culture, pouring itself out in a life of service, offering hope to a frightened world, and presenting itself as a real alternative to the existing arrangement"

"Only the one who has experienced is can know what the love of Jesus Christ is. Once you have experienced it, nothing else in the world will seem more beautiful or desirable"

"If indeed we lived a life in imitation of his, our witness would be irresistable. If we dared to live beyond our self-concern; if we refused to shrink from being vulnerable; if we took nothing but a compassionate attitude toward the world; if we were a counterculture to our nation's lunatic list for pride of place, power, and posessions; if we preferred to be faithful rather than successful, the walls of indifference to Jesus Christ would crumble. A handful of us could be ignored by society, but hundreds, thousands, millions of such servants would overwhelm the world. Christians filled with the authenticity, commitment, and generosity of Jesus would be the most spectacular sign in the history of the human race. The call of Jesus is revolutionary. If we implemented it, we would change the world in a few months."

"Simplicity, purity, and obedience to the Word will leave us weak and powerless in the world's eyes because we no longer can call upon our possessions and privileged positions as security. We will be subject to derision and outrage becaue authentic discipleship is a life of sublime madness."

I am chewing on a lot of this stuff. Knowing that I am far from living life in some of these ways, but desiring to be closer to God. He makes some really interesting and radical points that are making me think today.

preach it piper

2005-08-04T15:54:00.000+02:00

My friend Abbie sent me something this morning from John Piper that totally hit the nail on the head for me...

Jesus Christ is refreshing, but flight from him into Christless leisure makes the soul parched. At first it may feel like freedom and fun to skimp on prayer, and neglect the Word. But then we pay: shallowness, powerlessness, vulnerability to sin, preoccupation with trifles, superficial relationships, and a frightening loss of interest in worship and the things of the Spirit.

Not only can I totally identify with this but I am also really scared by it. Scared by how easily I let it happen knowing full well what the outcome would be. Disappointed in myself for falling for the lie that it wouldn't happen or that I could fight it or that it would be no big deal. One of the lessons I am learning here is that my job is to pour into and serve others. To pour into some of these girls who are fighting to keep faith the priority in their lives, and who are struggling against a culture of "church" where the word "relevance" isn't even on the radar. I want to encourage them to persevere, to keep fighting the good fight, to press on towards the goal of knowing Christ and making him known. I also want to pour into the girls I know who are not interested in God in the slightest. Girls who are looking at everything in the world to make them happy and slowly finding every option meaningless. To be their friend, to love them the way God loves them and to know that my own value lies in Christ.

But NONE of that is possible unless God gives it to me. I cannot pour out something that hasn't first been poured into me. i cannot love with the love of God unless I have experienced it myself. I cannot encourage others to live a life I cannot live myself. I cannot preach something I am not willing to practice myself. My summer of "Christless leisure" is making my job more difficult here but the beauty is that I see it and that God has offered to walk me through the drought and back into a refreshment that is found in Christ alone. I can do nothing apart from God who is the SOURCE of all comfort, strength, forgiveness, blessing, mercy and love. All my efforts to do things in my own strength are bound to fail.

rainy day post

2005-08-04T15:36:00.000+02:00

it's raining today, which i am ok with. i have spent the last few days mostly in my flat. cleaning, organizing, doing expense reports, catching up on emails, and trying to order my life a bit. also trying to "come down" from the summer and organize the thoughts in my head as much as the files in my nightstand. journal entries that look like an e.e. cummings poem and sound like ramblings from...well, someone who would ramble a lot . thoughts are all over the place and I am having trouble pinning them down. looks a bit like that scene in Karate Kid where Mr. Myagi taught Ralph Machio how to catch flies with chopsticks. I am just plucking things out of thin air these days.

Have been reading some good stuff today...helping me identify this apathy/slump/funk I am in right now. And some other things that are just plain amazing. Will post some of that stuff here too. Thankful for a few days to breathe after camp and living from a backpack for weeks. Thankful for those of you I have actually been able to talk to in the last few days. Hearing the voices of friends and family is more refreshing than I ever realized and God has been so good to bless me with the people in my life.

Our KECY team here has been working so hard to follow up with students from KECY (I also will post some things about KECY and Serbia). Tomorrow we are planning a movie night to spend time with students and Saturday we will travel to "Slovak Paradise" which i have heard a ton about but haven't visited yet. Should be a good day outside and I am looking forward to talking with some of the students I connected with at camp.

my wound

2005-08-01T22:35:00.000+02:00

my wound
Originally uploaded by amylawlor.

as you can see from the photo I was injured this summer. a little "alpine slide" incident where i skidded down an aluminum track at Mach 5 mainly on my elbow. super fun for a moment then I realized that a chunk of skin was missing. it hurt and it took forever to heal and it got all gross and finally scabbed over and Josh (one of the interns) yelled at me whenever I tried to pick at the scab.

I now have a cool scar though, and it actually is in the shape of Slovakia which is a cool memory. it wouldn't be a good summer unless someone got a scar from it. happy to take one for the team.

Roomies

2005-08-01T22:26:00.000+02:00

girlshike
Originally uploaded by amylawlor.

See, I do go hiking! These are my 2 roommates...Melissa is the one in the black and she was here for the summer. Lee Ann is still here living with me and will be working with students in a village near Presov. Don't we look all cute and woodsy? This was a beautiful hike in the Tatra Mountains. Actually it was more of a leisurely walk with a break for lunch but honestly I prefer it that way.

One of the absolute greatest things about living over here is the fact that slovakia is so beautiful. The mountains and the green of everything and the sunflower fields that are everywhere right now. I love walking around and just being blown away by God's creation. I know it's a little cliche but it's a beautiful thing.

back in the saddle again

2005-08-01T21:41:00.000+02:00

hey...remember me? c'mon, you remember me don't you? I am that girl that moved to Slovakia and used to have this blog that I posted stuff on and then I disappeared for like a month. Yeah! I am back!

ok, for real though. Things have been wild and crazy and I am attempting to recover. Going to try and condense things and will send out a long email about the summer for those of you who love my wit and charm (you know who you are wink wink nudge nudge).

life will now return to "normal" for me. back to language lessons, working in the cafe, tutoring in English, and utilizing my patented nod and smile technique so people don't know I have no idea what they are saying.

summer was amazing and challenging and humbling and everything in between. having interns here was a blast (I really miss having them here). KECY was good, but it was different being on the "other" side of things this year and not being with the North Point camp. Serbia was a new and pioneering endeavor that was a huge honor to be a part of. my new roomie Lee Ann and I are in a "nesting" phase right now. lots of cleaning and organizing and laundry and watching movies.

priority one in the near future is to try and process the summer and try to get my spiritual life into a somewhat less cruddy state. as my natural bend I absolutely let busyness and task stuff crowd out my reading/studying/praying/doing anything remotely spiritual. finding myself a bit apathetic and tired these days feeling like I need to dig myself out of a spiritual hole. no fun.

had some "technical difficulties" lately that I really think are more of a spiritual warefare thing than I am willing to admit. airlines lost the new printer I was having brought from the states, iPod crashed and it has to go back to the states, billing issues with my internet provider, critical issues setting up wireless here in my flat which led to me swearing, sweating, locking myself out of my own network with a security setting and finally punching a wall before the afternoon ended. awesome. am easily frustrated these days when things get to be much more difficult than they need to be.

anyone read this deal any more of have I lost you all? promise to do better friends. love and miss y'all like crazy.

Interns are freaky

2005-06-26T15:05:00.000+02:00

Interns are freaky
Originally uploaded by amylawlor.

this is the Slovakia Summer Intern team. These are not their normal outfits. We asked Robbie not to wear the bike shorts in public ever again. Interns are fun because you can make them dress up all silly and dance in front of large crowds of people. don't you wish you could be an intern here with us.

Daily Bread

2005-06-26T12:31:00.000+02:00

I'll be real honest...my spiritual life hasn't been too great these days. As is my normal bend I have let the "urgent", task oriented details of life get the better of me and push the spiritual life right out of me. But the more honest truth is that I tend to use that as an excuse. I look for reasons to let these things crowd out my walk with God. Partially because it's a whole lot easier for me to work on an excel spreadsheet, fire out 25 emails, and organize meeting notes than it is for me to sit down and pour my heart out to God. I am not this helpful, giving, sacrificial person...I am just choosing what comes more easily and naturally to me. I can blame it on my "wiring" as being High C (or a Beaver depending on which personality profile you look at), but at the end of the day I usually choose everything else on planet earth over time with God.

So I cycle through...I enter a phase of really enjoying reading God's word, trying to connect, knowing He is near...then I take a little break and think "I'll be fine...it's just a few days off, let's not get legalistic about the whole thing". Then a few days turns in to a few weeks and I haven't prayed or thought about God or really cared about anything other than myself in quite some time. Which pulls me into frustration, self-loathing, and a general "not-niceness" that creates more frustration, self-loathing etc.

Currently I am pretty deep in that phase. Camp is right around the corner. The "big dance" of my time in Slovakia. Finally I have a captive audience and a safe, honest place to share the truth about who God is, what he has done in my life, what he promises to do in all of our lives. Part of me cries out to have students see a life transformed by the radical truth of Jesus Christ! But as i head to camp in 3 days I am tired, drained, disconnected from the Father and not at all a radically changed being. How can I share about Jesus when I have been so far from him myself. How can I tell students the NECESSITY of a life lived in Christ, by Christ, for Christ when I am failing so miserably to live that out myself. I can't fix this issue in a day...but I also really am so sad about the place my heart and my spirit is in.

I was thinking about this issue the other night and had a pretty significant realization...which I am chalking up to the voice of God. Pretty simple truth that hit me like a ton of bricks. God is my daily bread. His word, his spirit, the refreshing and filling of my spirit is a DAILY thing. I ate breakfast yesterday...but that doesn't mean i don't need to eat breakfast again today. I need to eat and drink from God daily if I hope to be sustained by the life He offers. You don't come to the well once, but over and over again. My spiritual life is a daily bread kind of thing. We can skip a meal, sometimes go a whole day, in extreme cases our bodies can SURVIVE (but not thrive) without food and water. But we need to eat and drink every day to be at our best...to be nourished and have energy. I am not sure why I keep forgetting that God's word and His life is DAILY BREAD.

I want to take and eat every day knowing that to THRIVE I need to be going to HIM for nourishment. Stop skipping meals with the Lord and have my Daily Bread.

Presov/Kukova/Serbia Summer Team

2005-06-26T10:34:00.000+02:00

Presov/Kukova/Serbia Summer Team
Originally uploaded by amylawlor.

This is my team this summer. They are all pretty great and it has been so cool to spend time with them, hang out and prepare for our camps. Josh and Ben are the guys in the back left corner...they are from Indiana and have probably the best blog in the world...check it out if you have time. In the back middle is Mike who also lives here in Presov with me. He has done amazing things for us and with us this summer and so much of the behind the scenes stuff has been Mike's life. KECY camp is happening in large part because of Mike's hard work. On the other side of Mike is Dano...one of our Slovak Interns. He is in school in Prague studying "cryptology"...he is basically a code breaker and a stinking smart dude. Also one of the nicest guys on the planet. Up front is me...as usual not enjoying having my photo taken. Next to me is my new roommate Lee Ann!!! A fellow Atlanta girl who I am enjoying having here in SK and am excited to get to know better. Next to her in the cool shades is Melissa. She is a senior at UGA and a very cool girl. I am excited about what God is going to do in her life over these next months. The far right corner is Maja another of our Slovak interns. She is super sharp and is studying Missions at a university here in Slovakia.

We really have been having a blast and learning about each other and learning to work as a team. I couldn't have asked for a better team and I am thrilled to be a part of it.

Remember Me?

2005-06-16T09:28:00.000+02:00

Hello out there...it's me, the girl who actually used to log on to this and write things to people who might be reading this. SInce i haven't posted in so long I have probably lost all of you who check in with the old blog but for the faithful out there I decided to check in...

So...what's new? Life has been crazy with camp planning, intern training, life stuff, and general summer craziness. My schedule is all off kilter and i haven't been able to have a language lesson in a while. Hopefully once our Slovak camp and our camp in Serbia are over my life will return to normal a bit. There is a link on my blog for the blog of 2 of the interns we have here for the summer (Josh and Ben) they are great about updating so you can get a good idea of our day to day there too!

still learning a lot and really heading into my first major homesickness place. I have been here 4 months now and as the "novelty" wears off there are some challenges. I still really love being here, and KNOW that I am where I am supposed to be, but there have been some tough days!

All is well...pray for camps if you have a moment!

drawing a blank

2005-06-02T09:43:00.000+02:00

so much of me wants to update this thing with funny stuff and be clever and witty and have people post on it and say "you are so funny, i love your blog". then part of me wants to be all spiritual and post deep insightful reflections about life and philosophy and cross-cultural ministry. then part of me really just wants to write and tell anyone who might happen to read this thing that suddenly today i found myself longing for Roswell Road. I was staring out my window and i caught a glimpse of myself on a warm Saturday driving up Roswell Road windows down without any particular place to go. I guess it was a longing for the familiar or something.

these last days have been really hectic. good...but hectic. we are working through some major challeges with camp this summer and we have American interns here with us for the summer. it has been really fun and the 3 Presov interns and 1 new Presov team member are GREAT. it has been pretty much non-stop go go go for about 10 days now and i will admit i am a little wiped out. and on the verge of being cranky.

Today my team is outside of Presov promoting camp. I did not go with them because i needed to do some work for camp but it's giving me the welcome chance to sleep in, have my coffee, have quiet time and breathe for a second. but i was a little stupid about it and managed to schedule meetings with different students from 3 until 8 tonight. one of these days i may actually have a day off where i really have a day off :)

the latest

2005-05-28T11:09:00.000+02:00

man...it's been busy here. interns are here and are having a fun time. they spent yesterday learning the "camp dance"..very proud of them! We are in the middle of KECY Training Weekend where are the nationals who will be doing KECY this summer learn about the themes, topic, and plans for the summer. it's cool to have so many people here and we are all hopeful this weekend will get everyone excited about KECY and ready to work hard here in these last few weeks. the weather has been phenomenal and i am so thankful for warmer temperatures.

having fun, working hard and thankful that i get to live this life!!!

Cuh-Razy

2005-05-25T09:49:00.000+02:00

Life is crazy!!! Arrived in Zilina Monday to meet out super cool interns. they will be with us all summer helping with camp and camp promotion. we have 5 interns in Presov and also my new roommate Lee Ann!!!! great group of new friends and i am so excited to hang out with them and work our butts off. loving life...tired as anything...happy as a clam.

on my way to the grocery store...hope to post pictures soon.

cool thing for the day...God totally laid Ephesians 4 on a few of us in the last day. praying we can all let "no unwholesome talk" come out of us and that we will build each other up in encouraging ways. teams are powerful things and we all want to be God's best.

čau for now

The World Travels of Ben and Josh

2005-05-24T23:07:00.000+02:00

The World Travels of Ben and Josh

Can't take the RAIN!!!

2005-05-18T15:07:00.000+02:00

ARG...it has been raining and overcast for many many days!!! I will definitely never move to Seattle if this is what the weather is really like there.

giving a talk tonight to the college youth group. little nervous since my "big boss" danny will be there. the talk is on "sheep and shepherds". the bible compares us to sheep, and God to a shepherd more than 50 times...think about it. Sheep are prone to wander, lost without a shepherd, totally vulnerable to attack when separated from the flock and the shepherds watchful eye. Shepherds know their sheep individually, care for them, lead them to what they need and search them out when one is lost. that is the really short version of my talk. hope it makes sense...

Presov Spring!

2005-05-18T15:01:00.000+02:00

POSpring
Originally uploaded by amylawlor.

Too bad this is a photo I found on the web and it's actually been raining here for DAYS!!!!!!!!!

Spring has sprung

2005-05-14T13:21:00.000+02:00

I really love spring...and the unbelievable beauty of Presov in the Spring makes me feel like enduring the harsh winter was worth it. The city is covered in flowers, the trees are bright green, the sky is bright blue. People are out everywhere, all the outdoor pubs are popping up. It's a really beautiful time here!

JV Conference

2005-05-04T15:55:00.000+02:00

Remember a few posts ago when I said I was going to be better about updating more often...
Anyway I have actually been out of town and out of contact for about a week (hence the lack of postings). I spent the last week between Zilina and the Czech Republic. Always fun to be in Zilina and hang out with the Kompas Cafe crew there and I actually had a chance to attend a Sunday service at their new church. It was really neat and a huge encouragement to see a Living Relevant church in Slovakia. So much hope to see that here in Presov too.

Most of the week was spent at the JV Spring Conference in Czech Republic. there were about 165 of us who are serving in various parts of Eastern Europe. It was way cool to hear from others who are doing similar things and to hear of joys and struggles and just have some fun. Really enjoyed my time there and look forward to the next time we all get together!

This week I will spend a lot of time on language learning (hopefully) although I am sitting here wondering how it got to be so late in the day! My house needed some attention after my long absence, and the pile of dirty clothes was a little overwhleming too! Spent yesterday in the cafe working, and hanging out with students. They are all getting anxious for summer to begin and I am praying for many of the ones I have connected with to come to KECY Camp this summer.

We are kicking KECY preparations into high gear and we have a ton to do in a short amount of time. Camp Season is here!!! Our interns arrive in 3 weeks (whoa!) and I am looking forward to a really amazing season of planning and preparation.

that's the latest on me....I will be sending out my monthly update soon as well so be on the lookout for that too!

Sunday morning

2005-04-24T11:37:00.000+02:00

It's Sunday morning...I am sitting in my flat here in Slovakia. Had my coffee, did the dishes, listened to a North Point sermon online and was attempting to have my "quiet time". Have been seeing some cool new things in the Bible lately but definitely noticing my tendency to get distracted...to have prayer time that ends up with me jumping up to take care of something "urgent"... Jesus has changed my life, I know he is good, I know that he is the answer to all the questions, I know I am in Slovakia because of him. But still my flesh is so weak and I wonder why simple things like prayer are so "difficult"

reading the book of Acts lately. what did the early church look like? what happened in those early days of our church that drew THOUSANDS of people at one time come to faith in Christ? What was it that Peter and John and Paul had that was so POWERFUL, so attracting, so irresistable that people said "Yes" right then and there? At one point in the very early days of the church Peter and John healed a man, giving credit to Christ. They were put into prison for the act and questioned about the authority they had to do such things. So Peter and John (filled with the Holy Spirit) told them...that the authority came from Christ. That he was the the Messiah sent once for all. Acts 4:13 says, "When they saw the COURAGE of Peter and John and reallized that they were UNSCHOOLED, ORDINARY men they were astonished and they took note that these men HAD BEEN WITH JESUS." Their lives, and characters and abilities were so completely transformed by being with Jesus that they ASTONISHED those around them. Amazing to think that being with Jesus could transform me.

I read this and I think, "what stands out about my character that demonstrates that I have been with Jesus?" What is radical and different about who I am that will draw people to God? How can I speak so boldly and sincerely that the irresistabilty of the truth of Jesus will shine through and overshadow me? Is it possible to "be with Jesus" in the same way that the disciples did? I want to be transformed by my relationship with Jesus. i don't want it to be just a fact about me...I want it to be the most obvious thing about me.

Very relieved

2005-04-18T21:51:00.000+02:00

I got my boxes from the States today!!! About 10 weeks ago I handed all of my clothing (which basically amounts to 75 different colored t-shirts and 20 pairs of "fun" shoes) to the US post office. At some point the boxes made it to Kosice (about 30 min from Presov) where customs agents "catalogued" my belongings (evidently "slipy" means underwear in Slovak). We were notified last week that the boxes were available and went to pick them up. It felt a little like Christmas when I opened the boxes and I am very pleased to have different t-shirts to wear! But I think I may need someone to monitor my purchasing of green shoes and fleece jackets...I may have some sort of disorder.

to be really honest I was worried about the boxes. Another reminder of how weak my faith can be...such a small thing that I was so concerned about. Praising God today for providing for me in every way I need and hoping that I will be faithful in the big and the small things.

Fun Weekend!

2005-04-18T21:46:00.000+02:00

I had a way fun weekend. 2 of my American teammates from Zilina came to spend the weekend with me in Presov! My friends Bekah and Paige came out here and we ate and talked and laughed and stayed up late. It was so great to see them, to have a little girl time, and to relax a bit. I am so thankful that I have good friends near-by!

Big news from the weekend is that Katka Koščova is the Slovak Superstar. She is from Prešov and we are very proud of her! Bekah, Paige and I were able to watch the finale and of course we sent in our text message to vote for katka! I am not sure what we will do on Friday nights though now that Superstar is over!

Cool news!

2005-04-15T14:04:00.000+02:00

I have a roommate on the way!!! There is another American girl named Lee Ann coming to live with me here in Prešov. She is also from Atlanta and she will be working with the youth in a village about 30 min from here. I am super excited for her to come and I think having another teammate is going to be so cool. We are all hoping she can be here by the end of May.

I promise to update this blog more often...no more laziness!!!

Čo maš nový?

2005-04-15T13:54:00.000+02:00

Hello out there in blogville. So what's happening here you ask...why haven't there been any posts on this blog lately? I have gotten a little lazy is the honest answer there! As for what's happening...in a word Life. I have been settling in to my new life here. Trying to get in to a routine of some sort but when you don't have to report to the office by 8 am it can be hard to drag yourself out of bed! Mornings are the "me" part of the day...I usually have language or work on things around the house. The cafe doesn't open until 1 and most students are in school until about 2. I am working in the cafe all day on Tuesday and I am there talking to students almost everyday. Been drinking a lot of coffee and trying my hardest to stay out of the ice cream. I have been able to get to know a few students and it's been fun to "try out" my Slovak. It's a little frustrating because I really would like to talk more with them but many of them aren't real confident in their English and my Slovak is still pretty rough. Language learning is going well...it's a tough language but I learn "viac a viac každy deň" (that means more and more every day). My teacher is great and I really really really want to be able to communicate as soon as possible!

So that is pretty much the scoop for now...nothing earthshattering but I am still happy and healthy and learning a lot about God and culture and my own weaknesses.

Slovensko hľadá Superstar

2005-04-01T21:56:00.000+02:00

One of the first lessons I learned here in becoming "culturally relevant" is that I needed to watch Slovensko hľadá Superstar. which is the Slovak equivalent to American Idol. It works basically the same as American Idol...every Friday talented young people from all over the Slovak Republic vie to become the next face/voice of Slovak pop music. But many of the songs they sing are American hits (Billy Idol, Elvis, Alanis Morrisette). One funny thing about it is that since the show is on in Slovakia and most viewers are Slovak they don't have to bleep out English cuss words in the songs...even the REALLY REALLY bad ones. I have been faithfully watching and cheering for Prešov's own Katka Koščova. Who I actually met last week at a birthday party for my language teacher. It was basically like meeting the Kelly Clarkson of Slovakia...which I feel kind of lame about enjoying but I will admit to getting just a smidge startstruck. Tonight is the final 4, and I am keeping my fingers crossed and preparing to send a text message to keep my new best friend Katka in the race to be the next Slovensko hľadá Superstar!!!!!!!! A vote for Katka is a vote for Prešov!!!

Peanut Butter Cheetos

2005-04-01T21:49:00.000+02:00

They don't sell peanut butter here. We have Nutella, Nugetta, a million kinds of delicious chocolate...but no peanut butter. The Nugetta is a "reasonable" sustitute as it is a chocolate spread of some sort with a peanut flavoring (the have a hazelnut flavored one as well). But my most recent snack time discovery can only be desribed as "Peanut Butter Cheetos". Imagine, if you will, a cheeto...minus the cheese. Then puff it up with a bit more air and sprinkle with some dust that tastes like peanut butter. The first one you have makes you think, "wow, that's different" but 5 minutes later you are elbow deep in a bag and wondering where you can get more. I wonder if anyone has ever been removed from service in the field for a snack indiscretions.

Viki and Maja

2005-03-31T21:54:00.000+02:00

Today I spent time with 2 really sweet Slovak girls, Viki and Maja. They are both still in high-school and live in a dorm here in Presov. They are both from small villages outside of Presov so they are here during the week and head home on the weekends. Viki knows some English, but Maja does not know much (her English is about the same level as my Slovak!). We spent a good bit of time looking up words in our Slovak/English dictionaries and trying to pronounce them! It was totally fun to hang out with them and they both are involved in some of the youth activities we do. Hopefully I will get to spend more time with them next week!

Good Friday (Velke Piatok)

2005-03-26T09:42:00.000+01:00

Been thinking a lot this week about "Easter"...the daily events of Jesus life leading up to events we recognize this weekend. Thursday thinking of Jesus celebrating his final meal with his brothers. What he felt as he heard them confess their love and loyalty to him knowing they would all scatter and deny him. Been thinking of how self-absorbed I would have been if I knew I was heading off to perform the greatest act of love the world had even known and my closest companions could not even stay awake while I prayed. Reading that Jesus said "my soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death" and not even being able to comprehend that. Hating that my sin was part of the reason why Christ had to suffer, and being overwhelmed myself at times by how much God has given me...given all of us. Jesus overcame death so that we could all live forever connected to him, connected to the Father. This great mercy, this undeserved grace, this amazing mystery and tomorrow we celebrate his resurrection. Without the Sunday morning the rest of the story doesn't mean very much. It's Christ's return that brings us hope. So this weekend I am giving thanks that there is hope, there is more to life than this world has to offer us, we can know God, be loved by God, be satisfied in him completely. Our lives only mean something because He is a part of them. We have a future only because of Him.

I pray you have a wonderful and love filled Easter weekend. I pray that in some way all of us will be reminded of Christ, his death and ultimately his resurrection and be thankful that God loves us enough to give us his very best.

The latest

2005-03-24T08:37:00.000+01:00

Sorry for the lack of interesting information lately. I was in Zilina for a conference for youth workers last week (which was great but really busy) and my internet was having issues so I was a little behind! So what's been happening here you may ask...

Learning to live life in a very new way. I am getting better and better at the grocery store (I think i know the words for chicken, fish, and pork), and I can go into a shop and usually point and use some broken phrases to make the shopkeeper understand what I am after. Small victories! I am studying language and really enjoying it. Slovak is really hard and there are some sounds that I just cannot force my mouth to make (this crazy soft T and a soft L especially). But I am encouraged and I understand more and more every day. My English skills are plummeting though...I can't seem to put sentences together correctly anymore so forgive me if these posts sound like I am not a native English speaker!

My girls...I really had this fear coming over here that I wouldn't love these girls the way I wanted to, or enjoy spending time with them as much as I wanted to. But God has totally put a new heart in me for the girls I am spending time with. I have a few college girls I am meeting with that I really love and care for and pray for. I have met some high school girls that I feel such a desire to connect with and I can only chalk that up to God putting the desire into my heart. Such sweet, fun loving girls and I smile so often when I think of them and I am so excited to get to walk through life for a while with them.

We are working on things for camp this summer and trying to plan activities in the cafe now and at the various youth groups. Still learning a lot about the church here in Slovakia and trying to find my place within the ministry so God can use me in any way he wants.

I have been here 6 weeks and I definitely miss my friends and my family and many conveniences of living in America. But every day I am more convinced that I am EXACTLY where I am supposed to be...which is a pretty amazing feeling. God is taking care of me and I am learning so much about trusting Him.

Will post more often to avoid these long and rambling ones! Thanks for checking the site and for praying for me, and the ministry and these amazing students who are wanting to know God more!

Slovak Easter

2005-03-24T08:29:00.000+01:00

It's nearly Easter, and I was trying to think if I should buy Easter baskets or plan some sort of Easter egg hunt...then I realized that Easter traditions here in Slovakia are just a touch different. From what I can gather (and I promise this is true) boys will spend the day throwing buckets of water on girls and girls will spend the day giving boys chocolate and other presents. Girls will literally sit in their house and wait. A boy will come to the door, throw water on them and leave. yeah, I know. I managed to hear something about how the water is supposed to signify a year of health for the girls but I still am not real clear on the whole thing. The girls all make a face when you talk about it and the boys all grin like boys. I will chalk this up to another "cultural lesson" I hope not to learn the hard way!

Pracovnikov s Mladezou

2005-03-18T14:57:00.000+01:00

AKA Youth Worker...person who works with youth. This week I am working at a conference for youth workers from all over Slovkia. The group I work with in Zilina puts this conference on every year and it's pretty amazing. I am helping with the chapel they have open for students and leaders to come pray and reflect and react to what God is doing in their lives and hearts. It's been really cool to serve here and see some of the students from Presov and see how excited they are about serving God there. Will post some pictures in a few days of what we had going on here.

Feel like I am losing the ability to write well in English so forgive me if these posts sometimes sound a little strange! Now my Slovak and my English are terrible! I am enjoying studying Slovak. It is a really beautiful language and i am excited about the prospect of actually being able to speak it well some day. it's a hard language to learn but i have caught onto a few things and i have a great language tutor named Maruska.

Have been spending time with a few girls I know from the cafe and have met some new girls that I am looking forward to hanging out with. Such sweet hearts and I really love being able to get to know them better.

would love continued prayer for language, ministry strategy, and the expansion of our team in Presov. thanks for your love and support. Would love to hear from you and to know how I can be praying for you as well!

Saturday

2005-03-12T20:31:00.000+01:00

Since most students are never really available during the week because of school we end up doing a lot of ministry stuff on the weekends. Tonight we had KECY Club. Students who have been to KECY English camps in the past, or who have just heard about what we do come and we will do some sort of program or a talk or play games...it just depends on where we are. Tonight they were wrapping up a series about God being a perfect father. We have been talking to students about their picture of who God really is, and how sometimes we have a flawed picture of God. I actually got to talk a bit tonight about the story in Luke 15 about the prodigal son and how God is very much like the father in the story...ready to extend grace and desiring of a relationship with us. It was a fun night and I met some really neat students. The language barrier makes talking to them a little interesting!

Thoughts for Thursday Morning

2005-03-10T10:26:00.000+01:00

"If indeed we lived a life in imitation of his, our witness would be irresistable. If we dared to live beyond our self-concern; if we refused to shrink from being vulnerable; if we took nothing but a compassionate attitude toward the world; if we were a counterculture to our nation's lunatic lust for pride of place, power, and possessions; if we preferred to be faithful rather than successful, the walls of indifference to Jesus Christ would crumble." From "The Signature of Jesus" by Brennan Manning

If you were a cafe...

2005-03-09T20:25:00.000+01:00

One of the coolest things I get to be a part of here is the new Youth for Christ (MPK) cafe in Presov. MPK just bought a house and they are putting a new cafe in there and I get to be a part of the design, activities and programming elements for it. Would love to hear any cool, creative ideas anyone has about how we can make the cafe look and feel inviting, and what kind of events/activities we could have there for the youth, or just for anybody. The name of the cafe is the Slovak word for Bridge so we are trying to think of cool ways to incorporate that theme into the design. So excited to get to help create a cool, "relavant" environment for students to hear about God!

What's happening

2005-03-09T13:42:00.000+01:00

Language...it's so weird to have to start from square one. Literally yesterday I was learning my A, B, Cs (which in Slovak sounds more like Ahh, Buh, Chuh). There are multiple ways to pronounce different letters, and most of the time it's counterintuitive to what I would do in English. But it's really fun to learn new things, and be able to use it and get around better.

I am learning some new language skill through my spin class that I am taking at the gym around the corner from my place. Things like "stryi, tre, dva, hore!" (which is 4, 3, 2, up!) and something that sounds a lot like "full brat" (don't forget to roll your Rs) which I think may have been a secret command for my quads to give out completely.

Had a meeting today about the English lessons we will teach at camp and will have a meeting later today about my involvement at the cafe. Looking forward to finding my place here and being a part of all that God is doing!

Would love to hear from you...thanks so much for your prayers and love!

JV Girls

2005-03-09T12:44:00.000+01:00

JV Girls
Posted by: amylawlor.

Christina, Bekah, me, Paige in the Tatras

The Weekend

2005-03-07T20:11:00.000+01:00

Spent the weekend here in Presov. It was cold and snowed some...they tell me it will warm up soon! Had some friends from Zilina come and visit me on Friday which was nice. Saturday I actually went bowling with the youth group. I think bowling may be a new "sport" for SK...they have these strings at the top of the pins to help reset them. Mike gave a talk later at a youth group meeting on the prophet Micah and afterwards we played some games with the students.

I spent a good part of the weekend continuing to get my house in order. I have new furniture and have been loving making my place, MY place. I am apparently in a new "clean freak" phase (stop laughing...it's true). It is really nice to have a place to come home to that is so comfortable.

This week I plan to study my Slovak (3 lessons a week and 2 hours a day studying), buy a few more things for my flat, have some meetings about camp planning, and spend some time in the cafe.

The World of Blogging

2005-03-07T10:12:00.000+01:00

Hey y'all!
I am going to try this blog (or internet weblog) thing out until I get a website up and running. This way I can keep you updated on what is happening here without clogging your inbox with emails. I will be updating this blog probably daily...it's a good way for me to "process" so feel free to check in or post comments or say hello. Thanks for being on the adventure with me!
Amy