The Dam

yep I am back. it's been a while. it's been a crazy summer. and I am finally back in my apartment with coffee, quiet, and a few minutes to collect my thoughts. first of all I really want to tell you about all the things that happened this summer. camps, interns, kids camp, work stuff, personal stuff but as i sat down to have a little quiet time this morning I was smacked in the face with one of those basic truths that feel really simple but that i continue to forget. so let me say a bit about that.

the summer has been exhausting and somewhere around early July I pretty much stopped spending much time praying or reading my bible or really even thinking very much about the fact that there is more to this world that what is happening around me right at this moment. the urgent started crowding out the important. I kept thinking, "it's fine, it's fine, one more camp and i will get back on track, one more weekend, one more early morning, etc. etc.". Occasionally I would toss up a "Hey, God can you help me out with this one?" or a "thanks God that was really great". But serious, intentional time with God was just non-existant.

Then suddenly it's mid-August and I am back in my apartment and I am wiped out, and lonely, and sad, and frustrated, and angry with nearly everyone and everything, and feeling unloved, unappreciated, uncared for, and so on and so on. I am doing everything in my power not to sit down and say "God, I am tired and I miss you, and i feel like junk". So this morning I am thinking about all this and writing a lot to God about how I am frustrated and sick of myself. How I hate being angry, and hate serving only to be noticed or be patted on the back. How i am tired of being self-absorbed and responding to God's call to love everyone only if by everyone He means people I like or who are cool or who don't get on my nerves or who don't smell bad or who haven't disappointed me in some way. I am wallowing in this...just rolling around in it. Covering myself with all this self-accusation and disappointment and despair. And I am just talking and talking and talking to God about it, not even taking a breath to let a word back from Him sneak in. I am actually kind of afraid of what he will say.

Then something hits me and I get this picture in my head. A picture of a stream or river or something like that. Water flowing down into a pool of some sort. And I realize a very simple thing. God pours into me like a stream. And that stream flows into me and it's where all my "water" comes from. Everything good and pure and right and healthy and positive is in that water. Any ability to put others above myself or to love even when it's hard, or to pour myself out till I am empty is in that water. And this summer I built a dam. I blocked off that outpouring from Him. Every time I chose to sleep later instead of spending time with him I built up the dam. Every time I chose to go my own way instead of His I built up the dam. Every time I said "this whole time with God thing isn't that important I will be fine if i skip out on it for a while" I built up the dam. So I built this dam and my little pond started drying up. The source was still there pouring out as much as before but I have this dam and it's not getting down to me...

The dam got bigger and sturdier and my pond started to get dry. I started thinking this morning about what a drying up pond looks like and it felt a lot like my life. It seemed a lot like how I am feeling right now. The pond gets dry, it gets muddy, there is no movement so it gets dirty, stagnant, shallow. I am not fllled up right now with this river of good that He offers. All truth, all goodness, all life flows from that source but when I build these dams how can I be full of what is flowing down to me?! I don't want to be shallow, lazy, stagnant, muddy. I want to be fluid and dynamic, forceful, alive, and full of what God is pouring into me. I want to tear down the dam. I want this river of life to rush down into me, clean me out, fill me up, bring me back to life, bring me back into a place where I am receiving from Him so my pond can pour into others ponds.

Today I am asking God to tear down the dam, or to help me tear it down so that i can be filled up with all He is pouring down into me. Today I am coming back into the place where I realize He is the source and that I can't fill my own pond, or expect to remain full apart from Him. I am not sure if it's going to come down all at once or piece by piece but I do know I want it to come down and that I very much want to be filled from the source of all life and all truth.

Summer 2006 Slide Show

camps 2006

hey out there!  just a quick note to say that the last few days were jam packed with a training weekend we did for the Slovak and American church teams to prepare them for camp.  And this afternoon everyone headed off to their camp location.  The training days were great and I hope they were encouraging to the teams.  I honestly can't believe that camps are starting tomorrow...it seems totally surreal.  

for those of you interested we have 3 camps happening simultaneously this week.  One for Bratislava, one for Presov and one for Lucenec.  There were be about 30 Americans and 40 Slovaks hanging out with Slovak high schoolers this week and your prayers would be much appreciated.  I am looking forward to keeping you posted on what God does in the following days.  thanks for praying and walking on the path with us all.  sorry I have been so abstentee lately...it's been crazy around here and I still have a few more weekend until it calms down a bit.  

Out "clubbin"

Out "clubbin"
Originally uploaded by amylawlor.

we went to this sketchy club called Michigan in Zilina. we were really entertained!

Intern Task

Intern Task
Originally uploaded by amylawlor.

one of the Amazing Race tasks for the interns. We were having kind of a tough day...but it was pretty fun nonetheless.

crazy summer

summer season has begun which means that i spend a few minutes a day thinking, "I should update my blog...I know just what I will write about" and then i totally get distracted or busy or something and forget about the update. so with a few free moments i thought I'd put a few things out there. Also lately my English ability seems to be really suffering. It's not that I am speaking so much Slovak that I have no need for English but my sentences are strange and my vocabulary is stunted and i am really sorry if these posts seem totally grammatically incorrect or somehow dumb.

One thing I really want to mention is just that God has been so faithfully getting my attention and nudging me forward and communicating some specific things to me that have been amazing. Now into my second year over here I am seeing some interesting stuff. This year has been "harder" in a lot of ways for a lot of reasons. But it's also been really sweet in terms of the deepening of my relationship with Jesus and in terms of the places where God is challenging me. I wish I could explain that better, but I will just leave it by saying that I love God more in these days than ever in my life. It's incredible to see Him living and working in my life and answering prayers and being faithful over and over again even when I am not.

The 2nd thing is that this summer is INSANE. As the director of summer camps for Slovakia I have a ton of stuff going on with the 3 camps we will do this summer. lots of logistics, planning, meetings, preparations etc. it's coming down to the wire. Additionally i am leading an intern team of 6 Americans which has been a huge blessing and really fun. So I am crazed until August but am thankful for it and God is doing some cool stuff with camp preparations and with the interns.

3rd if you are out there praying I would love for you to pray about our 3 camps. pray for the students who will be there and the American teams that are coming over to serve there. Pray for the interns as they build relationships before, during and after camp. Pray for me as I lead things and organize camps and interns. Pray for God to make his name great in Slovakia and for all of us to be a reflection of that.

Sorry this post is totally disjointed and rushed. I am running out the door and have a whole heck of a lot to do. I am posting some photos as well from the last few weeks. We did this incredible Amazing Race type thing across Czech Republic for the interns to get to know each other and do some team building. It was so fun and generated a lot of discussion topics and we got to know pretty well through it. Some of the photos are from there.

more to come as I have availability.

Heck yeah

Starbucks!
Originally uploaded by amylawlor.

Sometimes the Lord calls you to do hard things...it's true. And people, this may terrify some of you but when I moved to Slovakia I forgot to mention one frightening fact about my new life here. I am 4 hours from the closest Starbucks! I know, I know, please dry your eyes, put your checkbooks down, it will be ok. Not all of us are cut out to live a life so far from the powerful, delicious, addictive, pleasure of that little green circle.

But, this Friday a little miracle came my way. No it wasn't world peace, or a solution to global warming, or even some type of resolution to ANY of the ridiculous junk happening on Lost this season. The miracle was a simple white cup...filled with Latte Goodness. And it was all mine. Sigh.

Thanks to Kenric for supplying this miracle when Lee Ann and i went to Vienna to pick him up at the airport. Look how much joy you brought me! and Lee Ann.

Smells like Jesus

A million years ago when I was in college I took a Psych class called Sensation and Perception.  It was basically a course about the 5 senses.  We went into some deep detail about each of the senses and it amazed me how complex it all was, how little we actually understood them, and how important each of them is.  By the end of that class I was able to diagram the neural processes involved in all 5 senses. It was incredible.  I could map the intricate process of the visual system.  I could trace the sensory pathways that are involved when you are touched pysically.  It was so interesting and complicated and amazing to realize all the tiny things that happened to get an image from the television to the back of your eye to your brain. 

I say all that really for one reason.  The last sense we studied that semester was smell.  Mainly because it was the least complicated physically and neurologically.  But one thing we did learn is that although it's not a real complicated sense, it's the most powerfully tied to memory.  Our sense of smell connects to our brains and our memories so strongly, and so intensely.  Think about it for a second...ever walked through the mall and smelled the cologne/purfume of your 1st love?  Ever walked into the house and smelled your favorite meal long before you knew what was on the menu?  Ever been reduced to tears because you smelled something familar and the memories came flooding back to you?  Our sense of smell is POWERFUL.  A friend of mine here just got back from being in the states and is wearing a new purfume.  It happens to be the same purfume that one of my very best friends from home wears...I think of her every time I smell it.  Clean sheets, spring rain, Old Spice, whatever, spend a day sniffing stuff and see how strongly it connects to your memory.  

Now, that i have set the stage a bit, here is a verse that God brought to me this week.  I keep going back to it...chewing on it...and wishing I could imprint it on my brain.  

"But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the FRAGRANCE of the knowledge of him.  For we are to God the AROMA of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing"  2 Corinthians 2:14-15

Wow.  Through us the fragrance of knowing God is dispersed.  Another thing about scent is that a little goes a long way...a few molecules can really travel and be detected easily.  As believers when we walk through life people can smell the God stuff on us.  Maybe some of us have doused ourselves in it.  Maybe some of us haven't put any on in a while and the smell of the world is more prevalent.  But people should be able to smell it on us.  We are the aroma of Christ.  Incredible thought.  In my life I want to put on so much of Christ that when I am around people smell it on me.  That it fills up their nostrils.  That I am indistinguishable from the smell.  When people think of me they connect me with the aroma of Christ, the fragrance of the knowledge of God.  How incredible to know that through our lives and our hearts and our daily wanderings God spreads the aroma of himself out all over the earth.  So go ahead and hose yourself down with this "fragrance of life".  There is no such thing as too much of it!  

loud and clear

When I was in college I had pretty much decided that the whole heaven and hell thing was bogus and that more than likely when we died we just died. Sometimes that thought REALLY freaked me out. I am talking panic...tears...sweating...unable to sleep. I would have these sudden panic moments where the uncertainty of death and the thought of a world without me just nearly drove me over an edge. Those moments used to happen fairly often.

They happen only rarely now. Last night I had one. I was getting ready for bed and just suddenly I got really freaked out by the thought of it. I very rationally tried to talk myself out of it. i prayed for God's comfort and truth and I felt a little better about the whole thing. I went to bed and read a little and then decided to pick up my bible. Currently in the mornings I read a little Old Testament and a little New Testament. Yesterday morning I started reading the book of Hebrews. I read Hebrews chapter 1 yesterday morning, so last night as I laid in bed I figured "well, I will just keep moving along into Hebrews Ch 2".

Sometimes we hear God in funny ways. Sometimes it's in a whisper. Sometimes he comes in loud and clear. Here is an excerpt from what I read last night...read in the context of my odd panic moment. The HE reference in this verse is Jesus

"Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might destroy him who holds the power of death - that is, the devil - and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death." Hebrews 2:14-15.

It floored me. To hear God speak to me through His word so specifically. It was a huge comfort and joy to me and I have been thinking about it all day. To know that I am set free from fear by Christ. I really really really needed to hear that...for a lot of different reasons.

the old man

remember a few posts ago when I told the story about the old guy in the center of town almost getting beat up by the teenagers? if not just back up a few posts and read it. well anyway i failed to mention/realize that he wasn't just sitting on the ground. he actually doesn't have legs. i think his legs stop right below the knee. also he is fairly well known in town. he is mentally unstable, he has no legs, he sometimes pushes himself around town on a homemade cart of sorts, and is old, he has no home.

why tell you this? well here is the thing...as i mentioned my friends Paige and Stani and I saw him the other day. he was on the verge of being beaten up by 2 able bodied teenagers. he was sitting outside alone in the cold shouting at nothing. a few days later Paige and I say him again. Pushing himself around the streets in his homemade "cart" and shouting at nothing. Then yesterday, Easter Sunday, Paige saw him again dragging himself around town on his stumps. There is a man, who "lives" in my neighborhood who has no legs, no money, no home, no one to care for him, no hope. And as we sat in our church service yesterday and then enjoyed a lovely meal together with friends this man probably sat on his stumps somewhere in town and shouted at nothing.

since it's been Easter week I have been thinking a lot about Jesus. and I know that there was something extremely attractive to him about unattractive people. I know the bible talks more about the poor, and widowed, and marginalized than about most stuff. I know a life following Christ is a life of love and a call to treat others and respond to others the way Jesus would (which a lot of times means getting crapped on and degraded by the world). and I wonder what would Jesus do about this man living in my neighborhood. I know that Jesus didn't respond to every need around him. The bible doesn't tell us "and Jesus opened a clinic and cured all the diseases. then he opened a bank and supplied free money for every poor person in the world. The End". in the last week I have spent countless hours sending emails, creating task lists, talking about future ministry plans, discussing the strategy purpose and meaning our church and it's leaders, had conversations about the fact that we seem to be missing the point on a lot of things, the best way to "do ministry", effective, relevant ministry, etc. AND A MAN WITH NO LEGS DRAGS HIMSELF AROUND MY NEIGHBORHOOD ON STUMPS

I am re-reading a book that i find more and more incredible every day. I think i will probably read this book constantly for the rest of my life because i find the truths in it so powerful and they point me back towards the true center. It's called The Signature of Jesus and it's by a guy named Brennan Manning. On every page I read something and think "oh, that's a good one...I am gonna post that on my blog" but i think I would write the whole book here and get sued for copyright infringement or something. anyway, as i think about this man I read this section...

"So central is Jesus' teaching on humble apprenticeshop and SERVING LOVE as the essesnce of disipleship, that
Christ makes himself recognizable only in our brothers and sisters: 'Whatever you did for one of the least of these
brothers of mine, you did for me' (Matthew 25:40). In this context the words of Mother Teresa are impressive. At
the dedication of a hospice for the terminally ill in New York City, she said 'Each AIDS victim is Jesus in a
distressing disguise'" p. 96

Part of me is very afraid of this man. He's not mentally stable, and for the sake of safety I am probably not going to have him camp out on my couch. But if he is Jesus in a very distressing disguise...there has to be something reasonable I can do to serve him. I am thinking of what that means and how i can carry it out. In love. In faith. And in the knowlege that Jesus sees us all equally and his love for us has nothing to do with how well we clean up. It has everything to do with him.

crazy

I am not sure why I am even posting this story. other than it was interesting to me and it's on my mind as i sit here thinking of going to bed. First of all it's freezing cold again today...and when I say freezing I mean it's actually below 32 degrees. Anyway, I went to dinner with some friends tonight and as we were leaving and walking towards the center of town we hear all this racket. looking to the right there is a guy sitting on the ground...in the middle of the center of town very loudly "singing" and very loudly "playing" a guitar. I say "singing" and "playing" because he was more accurately just pounding on the guitar with his fists and shouting. He was older and obviously not quite all there and probably drunk or mentally hanicapped or something. But the crazy thing was there were these 2 younger guys there and they were in some sort of loud discussion with him. Then it escalated as we stood there and the old man stayed sitting on the ground while one of the younger guys tried to kick him. then the old guy pulls this cane out and starts hitting the younger guy. there was a small scuffle and some yelling and hitting and then it seemed like the younger guy finally came to his senses and realized he was attempting to beat up a homeless/handicapped/elderly man and that it was a pretty ridiculous thing to do. then it was over. and the old man continued shouting his song and pounding on that guitar.

again I am not sure why i tell this story. but you know when sometimes you see strange things and you think about them for a while? so that was a little about my day. other than that I spent seriously the whole day in a meeting. the whole day.

yesterday was a "red tape" when it rains it pours kind of day. I got a notice about a bill for my internet that hasn't been paid yet (because I don't have a key to the mailbox in my building so I never got the 1st bill). I got a notice that a package was sent to me from the states but it's in cutoms prison and i have to go to the post office and pay them to give me my mail. I found out I have been paying my rent incorrectly and I am behind 2 months in payments. And the documentation I need for my Slovak VISA is some sort of mystery paperwork that no one knows anything about. I mean all of that was in one day! So tomorrow i will be paying some bills before they kick me outta here and cut off my internet!

signing off for the day...more to come

belated posting

I was doing so well and posting so regularly (thanks to my blogger widget) then I went to Croatia and lost momentum. Sorry about that. So to get you up to speed the women's conference was GREAT. not so much because we had some great speaker or some great program, but because it became a place where i really communicated with God in a way that I have needed for a long time. I am so thankful for it and left that place feeling changed...different...renewed...in an indescribable way. It's too much to go into here but if you are interested in more detail on it feel free to ask. I am thankful for this time in part because I KNOW that if my mind and heart hadn't been directed back towards Christ I would not be surviving the world in which I am living. And at the same time, coming off this "mountain top" experience I find myself still getting overwhelmed by circumstances, or chosing to put other things in front of God, or believing lies about who I am or who God is. I guess that is part of being human...but it doesn't mean i have to like it.

our team and ministries are facing some challenged right now and we are all just looking for the right direction to be shown to us. It's this strange place of being really forced to rely on God. which is tough and counter-intuitive and frustrating. but it's also amazing to time and time again hear God telling us all "I am bigger than this. i will take care of you. I love you and I am with you." So we all hang on to that in our own ways.

I am working a good bit and traveling too. We have a lot to think about in regards to camp this summer and with all the transitions some decisions are harder to make than others. trying to make good decisions and see how God wants to use it in my life and in others.

Some interesting life events as of late...
the snow is all melted...thanks to 2 weeks of near constant rain. still looking forward to Spring...whenever it decides to show up
apparently central Europe "springs forward" a week ahead of the US. who knew? certainly not me as I spent a whole Sunday really confused.
In the last 3 weeks I have spent time in 5 different countries. How cool is that?
I think I am going to have to learn how to drive a stick shift. And I am nervous. If anyone wants to buy me an automatic over here feel free.
I still don't speak Slovak. Mainly because it's hard as crap and I don't spend near enough time studying. :(
I am obsessed with the TV show Lost. We download it and watch it as a group every Sunday night. We aren't caught up with the states yet but we are close.

Ok...that's about all i have for now. feel free to comment, write, pray, call, send peanut butter and starbucks coffee, what ever strikes your fancy.

more soon...

Team #1

Team #1
Originally uploaded by amylawlor.

Our team was number one!!! We were playing a super fun game at this conference and initially our team wasn't doing so great. But we managed to go from last to 2nd and we were pretty proud of that. I wish I wasn't making such a weird face here but the rest of the picture makes me laugh a lot. Such great women...I continue to be honored to be counted among them.

yeah...we're kissin at you

yeah...we're kissin at you
Originally uploaded by amylawlor.

Just wanted to post some recent photos...so you don't forget what I look like. the story behind this one is that we were at a Women's Retreat. Someone sent make up and this poor tube of Mary Kay lipstick was being ignored. We decided to put it to good use. Are you scaredof us? Cause I kinda am.

No More Underwear

It was the catchy headline wasn't it...

I guess I should say NO MORE LONG UNDERWEAR!!!!  I left the house today (for the 1st time since November) with just jeans on...I didn't have to wear all my layers today!  

Rejoice with me people!  It's going to be above freezing all week!  Sunshine!  Warm Weather!  Rejoice!  

My walk to work today was GLORIOUS!  The sun...the warmth...i heard birds...it was super great.  I love Spring.  I can't wait for it to really be here.  

Hooray!

This week

Hey there all you fans...wanted to let you know I would be gone for the whole week and probably would not be posting while I am away.  I am going to a conference in Croatia and looking forward to some solitude and some good time with God.  Praying about some specific things and being taught some specific things lately.  Look forward to tell y'all about it next week.  Have a good one :)

Music that rocks my face off

Most of you know that I am a huge, obsessive, music lover.  I really just love hearing new stuff and being exposed to bands that maybe aren't mainstream but are doing cool things and have interesting things to say.  Thought I would do a little post about some stuff I am listening to currently that you may want to check out. I will list a band and a few songs that I think are tops pics from the CD.  check them out...you might like them.  Most of them aren't traditionally "Christian" but that doesn't make them any less amazing.  Enjoy.  

Iron and Wine (pretty mellow and "folky")
   -Naked as we came
   -Such Great Heights
   -Woman King

Sufjan Stevens (a little eclectic and quirky...but beautiful songs and really interesting instrumentation)
   -Chicago
   -Casimir Pulaski Day
   -7 Swans

Hem (hard to describe...)
   -The present
   -The Beaufiul Sea

Imogen Heap (electronic "ish"...she is the lead singer for Frou Frou if you are familar.  Had music on the Narnia soundtrack)
   -Clear the Area
   -Hide and Seek
   -The Moment I said it

The Weepies
   -This whole CD is INSANELY GOOD.  It's my favorite of any of the new stuff I am listening to

Jenny Lewis (kind of a edgy, darker Allison Krause sound.  It's almost country but with deep lyrics and cooler sounds)
   -Rise up with Fists!

Jose Gonzalez (super mellow guitar and vocal)
   -Heartbeats
   -Love Stain

The Perishers (just good jangly guitar rock)
   -Sway
   -Still here

Rosie Thomas (incredible vocals...mellow...good for rainy days)
   -Pretty Dress
   -Death came and got me
   -I play music


PS-I have to give my friend Dan Portnoy credit for introducing me to most of this music.  He's the reason I am going broke buying music :)
   

Thursday in SK

It snowed here all day.  Every day when I walk outside I think..."surely Spring will be here soon" but alas another day of snow makes the impending hope of Spring still seem far away.  Not that the snow isn't beautiful...it is.  Not that I am not thankful to live in a country with 4 really distinct, really beautiful seasons...I am.  But I'm gonna be needing some sunshine soon.  Some warmer temps.  To wear something a bit less than 37 layers of underwear.  I am so excited for sping and in a way it's really cool to have it come later and to really be excited and amazed to watch it slowly happen.  In atlanta we have about 3 days of spring where everything turns yellow from the pollen.  This is followed by 4 months of bursting
into flames as soon as you walk out of your front door.  

I actually didn't even leave the house today...the beautiful of being able to work from home when need be.  I had no intention of staying inside all day.  I mean I showered, put on real clothes...even a little makeup.  I just never managed to walk out the door.  

I am working on a large update letter to send out (I try to do that monthly) but find myself with writers block (or perhaps it's sheer laziness).  

I have meetings most of the day tomorrow. Our team is still trying to put together the most effective way to train youth leaders in SLovakia on how to create and execute a summer English camp.  We have some tough questions to answer and some difficult issues to think through.  If you are reading this...and you are one of the ones who prays for us here I would love to ask you to keep us in your minds.  OUr church here in Zilina as well as our training ministry.  Please pray that we would be focused on what God is doing and how he wants to use us.  thanks for that...really.  

unrequited

There are times where I am pretty darn excited to post on this thing.  If I feel like I have something funny or insightful or helpful to share and I wonder/hope that I may have entertained or spoken to someone or something like that.  Some people have a "counter" on their blog...and some even have systems that tell them who logged on to their blog, who is reading it, what country they are in, and other important info.  I don't have one of those...so I honestly have no idea if there are 5 people or 500 people cruising past this thing.  

But I want to extend the invitation to post comments.  Or even just shoot me an email if you have a comment and are reluctant to lose anonymity.  It's great to hear from people...even those who may disagree.  And if you read this and like it or feel like you have something to add I would be glad to hear it.  Or even if we haven't talked in a while and you want to say hi...that's ok too.  

otherwise I will be forced to add a counter to this thing and track my fan base which I am sure will be a huge encouragement.  

PS-I am going to have to ask if anyone is ok with Handkerchiefs anymore.  This is a country of runny noses and "sniffing" is a cultural no no so people are constantly blowing their noses.  And I see countless people honk some nastiness into a piece of cloth and then wad it up and shove it back into their pants.  HELLO!  GROSS!  Why is that ok???  Just thought I'd mention it.  

the point

Over the last few days I have found myself thinking, "What's the point?"...now hear my tone in that. it's not a defeated fatalistic kind of thing but rather a "seriously God...I want to know what the point is, and to make sure I don't miss it." And I realize I have posted similar thoughts to what I really feel I need to post here but this morning it overtook me in a way that doesn't happen very often. Most of us are dealing with this question regardless of our belief system, or if we work in ministry full time, or if we sit in an office all day marketing widgets. But seriously...ask yourself what is the point. Life, work, relationships, faith, love, all of it.

The disciples and even Paul once they realized that jesus was the messiah and that their lives, purposes, beliefs, futures were forever changed went out and talked about the Jesus they knew. They went to various communities (some of them stayed close to home and some of them traveled to the ends of the earth) and they said, "Hey! You guys...here in Corinth or Ephesus, or Jerusalem, or wherever. Here is how you maximize the person you were created as. Here is how you bring purpose to your life. Here is the point of this whole thing. It's Christ. End of story. The point is that Christ is #1 in all circumstances and in him you live free and forgiven and eternally. Now do it. Put him first in your life and watch the change that takes place. Live free, forgiven, powerful radical lives and you will change the world". They didn't tell them the types of programs to start or how to mobilize people or what ministries to promote or what desk jobs they should and shouldn't have. That wasn't the point. it was that Christ is LIFE CHANGING. Meeting Christ and really "getting it" knocks you off your horse, blinds you and realigns your path in RADICAL ways.

The point is that in living a life so radically changed and dramatically different that the people in your circle/community (wherever that may be) can't help but notice...and that the only answer you could give them would be Jesus. I feel like I (and you may agree in your life) am substituting good deeds and programs and plans for this radically changed life. The radicalness (i know that isn't a word but you get it) of our lives isn't so much a "go crazy! throw yourself off a cliff. stand on the street corners and rant and rave. move to zimbabwe and "convert" the natives". The radicalness is that you are so monstrously loving, kind, compassionate, forgiving, holy, Christ-honoring, righteous, humble (and so many other things that are pure human nature is INCAPABLE of without Christ doing it for us) that we would blow people's minds with it. That our lives would be so counter-cultural (in a character way...not a wow, that guy is a crazy religious freak way) that people would stop and say "how in the world could someone really be like that".

I am not living a life of radically changed heart, character, desire...so instead I substitute and believe that doing enough good things, or "christian" things will make up for it. But I can do the most amazing "christian" stuff in the world and if my life doesn't reflect Christ then it's WORTHLESS. I have not been knocked off my horse, blinded, and refocused on the singular goal of bringing glory to my God. And I know this, so I try to make up for it in other ways. People look at WHAT I DO and think it's great or that I must love God or have faith, but I would so much rather people look at WHO I AM and think those things.

I want my heart and character to be transformed by Christ into the image of Christ so that if I am in Slovakia, or Africa, or in a cube pushing papers around, or sitting at the dinner table with my parents that something about me is OBVIOUS and BEAUTIFUL in the same way that Jesus was. And that when people ask "why" I am the way I am, my answer is sincere and it points in the only direction that matters.