my creative side has been a bit dry lately and I am at a bit of an emotional stalemate these days. But there are a few things I have read in the last few weeks that I wanted to share because I thought they were breautiful or brillant. Or both. I have one really special friend over here named Maruska. She is brillant and talented and one of the most amazing people I have ever met. She is actually a poet and wrote a book of poetry (She is Slovak so the book is too but she speaks English amazingly well). And she let me help her clean the English version of the poems up a little. And I was was reading them I just thought they were so great. I am not really good with poetry...being a very linear thinker poetry generally flies right over my head. I guess if you can't put it into a spreadsheet or outline it with bullet points i tend to miss the point. Anyway I read one of these poems this week and wanted to share it with you.
FRIENDS
We were talking till late night.
Then you whished me sweet dreams
and sent angels to my room.
And You started writing a song
For the little birds under my window
and painting dew on the fragile leaves of the forget-me-nots
and baking bread for me.
And when I woke up in the morning
I realized
how great it is
to be friends
with God.
There is a writer who I really love named Brennan Manning. i have one book by him that I read over and over because I think it's amazing (The Signature of Jesus for any of you who are looking for something to rock your planet) and I was reading another one of his books (The Ragamuffin Gospel) and came across this quote which I thought was great.
"when i get honest, i admit I am a bundle of paradoxes. I believe and I doubt, I hope and I get discouraged, I love and I hate, I feel bad about feeling good, I feel guilty about not feeling guilty. I am trusting and suspicious. I am honest and I still play games. Aristotle said I am a rational animal; I say I am an angel with an incredible capacity for beer.
To live by grace means to acknowledge my whole life story, the light side and the dark. In admitting my shadow side I learn who I am and what God's grace means. As Thomas Merton put it, "A saint is not someone who is good but who experiences the goodness of God.""
So I just thought I would share a few of the thoughts that have been crashing around my i head these days!
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Training School
Hey out there! One of the big projects we work on here is a year long school for youth leaders. Leaders from different churches around Slovakia come to our training center every month for a full weekend of training, equipping and learning about different things happening in the country. Well this past weekend the training school for 2006 began and it was a great reminder to me of why I am here and why I believe so strongly in what we do. We spent 2 full days together learning about Systematic Theology, Bible Study methods, and talking about different issues with youth ministry in Slovakia. We were also able to meet together in smaller groups and talk about what was happening specifically in our lives. I really loved being around people who love students in Slovakia and want to see their church make a difference in their lives. It was a huge encouragement for me to spend some time with a few girls I knew when I lived in a different part of Slovakia and I will be spending more time with them in a mentoring role as well. Being a part of living life with the future of the churches in this country is an enormous honor and I felt so blessed to be a part of that weekend.
Other than that I have been spending a lot of time in my office working and trying to organize my camps project for 2007. It seems like that it's pretty far away but I still feel like I have a ton of planning and preparation and thoughts about process. I am still not feeling 100% like I really know how to do my job which is kind of frustrating at times. It's starting to get colder here but it's been really pretty. One of the greatest things about being here is how distinct all the seasons are. I feel like you get a REAL fall and a REAL spring (and unfortunately a real winter too!) but it's so nice right now. The leaves are changing and it smells like fall and the sky has been a bright beautiful blue. It's so nice. But yeah, I am dreading the snow which should be here in less than a month.
So that's pretty much my life right now...dressing in layers and hanging out in my office. I am looking forward to spending some time doing some more relational things back out in the city I used to live in. It's funny that I moved all the way over here just to travel out there but it makes sense organizationally and I so miss my girls there. I had some friendships that were really special to me and it will be nice for them to be more intentionally on my radar.
Sorry for the lack of posting lately...I will try and make up for it by posting a whole bunch today :)
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Jesus crashed my ipod
I have been pretty solidly connected to my ipod since my parents gave it to me for Christmas in 2005. And when I say connected what I really mean is obsessed. I dropped all my music (even the total garbage from 8th grade) onto my pod and have been happily downloading music ever since. I don't go anywhere without that thing...it's like my little white plastic friend.
But i have noticed something about my little white plastic friend. He helps me block out EVERYTHING around me...and in reality sometimes it's pretty blissful to block it all out. When I am afraid that someone at the bus stop will ask me a question I won't understand...there is the pod. When I can't turn off the 16 channels in my head...there is the pod. When I am frustrated with an issue or question or problem I can't solve...there is the pod. And over the last year I have been vaguely aware in the back of my head that often times I use my ipod as a defense mechanism which is admittedly not super healthy.
So a few days ago I was reading something about "practicing the presence of God". Which is a crazy thing if you start to think about it. Just deliberately, specifically thinking about and reminding yourself that God is HERE. Now. In this place. That all the internal thoughts and problems and tiny details are swirling around me and Him as we sit at my kitchen table. That His presence is ALWAYS present. And I started to pray, "ok God, I like that...I think I want more of that. I think I want your presense to be real to me, and something I think about and something I am aware of and something I cultivate in my life. So Lord, show me what that looks like. How in the heck do I practice just being with you" And then I left my little quiet time spot to brush my teeth and head to work.
Loaded up my backpack, got all my junk together and POPPED MY HEADPHONES INTO MY STUBBORN EARS. Admittedly I thought..."you know having all this noise injected into your brain 24/7 probably isn't really putting you on the road to experiencing God's presense." Then some super great song came on and the world was blocked out as was the voice of God and the voice of my heart and I headed off to work.
About 6 steps out of my flat the pod froze. The pod got reset. The pod displayed a sad face icon that told me to seek medical attention for it. I sought medical attention for it. I was told that the cost to repair my out of warranty white plastic friend would be nearly more than it would cost to buy a brand new one. Then my ipod and I both were displaying a sad face icon.
BUT here is the thing. I feel like this is an opportunity...an opportunity to practise the presense of God more often. An opportunity to stop blocking things out as a defense mechanism. I am not saying music is bad, or that I don't want a new ipod...but i am saying that that blocking out of all things had become something unhealthy in my life and I am thankful that I am being challenged to rethink my need for defense. So did Jesus really crash my ipod...maybe he did...or maybe he just gave me the grace to see the problem as a gift from him rather than just a wrench in my life.
But i have noticed something about my little white plastic friend. He helps me block out EVERYTHING around me...and in reality sometimes it's pretty blissful to block it all out. When I am afraid that someone at the bus stop will ask me a question I won't understand...there is the pod. When I can't turn off the 16 channels in my head...there is the pod. When I am frustrated with an issue or question or problem I can't solve...there is the pod. And over the last year I have been vaguely aware in the back of my head that often times I use my ipod as a defense mechanism which is admittedly not super healthy.
So a few days ago I was reading something about "practicing the presence of God". Which is a crazy thing if you start to think about it. Just deliberately, specifically thinking about and reminding yourself that God is HERE. Now. In this place. That all the internal thoughts and problems and tiny details are swirling around me and Him as we sit at my kitchen table. That His presence is ALWAYS present. And I started to pray, "ok God, I like that...I think I want more of that. I think I want your presense to be real to me, and something I think about and something I am aware of and something I cultivate in my life. So Lord, show me what that looks like. How in the heck do I practice just being with you" And then I left my little quiet time spot to brush my teeth and head to work.
Loaded up my backpack, got all my junk together and POPPED MY HEADPHONES INTO MY STUBBORN EARS. Admittedly I thought..."you know having all this noise injected into your brain 24/7 probably isn't really putting you on the road to experiencing God's presense." Then some super great song came on and the world was blocked out as was the voice of God and the voice of my heart and I headed off to work.
About 6 steps out of my flat the pod froze. The pod got reset. The pod displayed a sad face icon that told me to seek medical attention for it. I sought medical attention for it. I was told that the cost to repair my out of warranty white plastic friend would be nearly more than it would cost to buy a brand new one. Then my ipod and I both were displaying a sad face icon.
BUT here is the thing. I feel like this is an opportunity...an opportunity to practise the presense of God more often. An opportunity to stop blocking things out as a defense mechanism. I am not saying music is bad, or that I don't want a new ipod...but i am saying that that blocking out of all things had become something unhealthy in my life and I am thankful that I am being challenged to rethink my need for defense. So did Jesus really crash my ipod...maybe he did...or maybe he just gave me the grace to see the problem as a gift from him rather than just a wrench in my life.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
noise
I am sitting at my kitchen table this morning in my 45 minutes before language lessons start trying to communicate with God. Since i am blogging you can see how well that is going. Often times in the morning i will think "oh cool, I will pray while I am getting ready" an attempt to "practice the presence of God" in all I do. But it last for about 6 seconds and then my brain is off on a rabbit trail and 30 minutes later i think "what the heck am i thinking about?"
This morning I was looking out the window and trying to figure out what I am thinking, how I am feeling, how to express that, what to bring to the Lord this morning and I am just blank. It feels to me a little like I have about 17 TV channels on in my head at the same time. One channel is the quiet time channel...soft music...nice lighting...peaceful...it's the main one I want to tune into right now. But then there are 16 others and most of them are WAY louder than the quiet time channel. There is the financial worry channel which is actually the one at full volume today. It's practically screaming "do you have any idea how little money you have!!!!?? How the heck are you gonna get more? What are you going to do when it runs out? How are you going to get people to contribute to all these things you need money for? YAAAAA!!!" and so on. Then there is the you're turning 30 this year channel and that one has been on for a while and most often I can ignore it but I get snatches of things like "bet you never thought this is what your life would look like at 30!" Then there is the organizational and structural chaos channel which has been on a lot lately and it says things like "what are you going to do about this? what are you going to do about that? how are you going to fix this problem? what are you going to say to your boss about that one?" that channel tends to play a lot of re-runs. then there is the condemnation channel which says things like "you suck at your job. you are letting your family down. why can't you get a "real" job. people only like you for what you do for them. you are alone"
there are more...believe me. but i won't write about them. I just know that I have about 17 TV channels on in my head right now and I really just want to have ONE. And intellectually I know that worry is unecessary and that God is in control and that i can't "fix" or manipulate anything and that I just need to trust Him. but the fact remains that I feel like i can't turn these other channels off these days. And some days I think "if one more channel comes on I am going to scream". and they keep turning on and keep getting louder and the nicer channels just get talked over by all the horrible ones.
more than likely I need to get some serious time alone and away from all the distractions that are around me and sincerely ask God to turn off all the channels but one. but there is a part of me that is scared to do that becaue I might not like what is on the quiet time channel. it might be hard to deal with, or it might bring up things about myself that I don't like or it might ask me to forgive or ask forgiveness from someone I don't want to deal with. so as much as i hate the noise i am scared of the silence. so for now I stare out the window and drink my coffee and listen to 17 channels in my head.
This morning I was looking out the window and trying to figure out what I am thinking, how I am feeling, how to express that, what to bring to the Lord this morning and I am just blank. It feels to me a little like I have about 17 TV channels on in my head at the same time. One channel is the quiet time channel...soft music...nice lighting...peaceful...it's the main one I want to tune into right now. But then there are 16 others and most of them are WAY louder than the quiet time channel. There is the financial worry channel which is actually the one at full volume today. It's practically screaming "do you have any idea how little money you have!!!!?? How the heck are you gonna get more? What are you going to do when it runs out? How are you going to get people to contribute to all these things you need money for? YAAAAA!!!" and so on. Then there is the you're turning 30 this year channel and that one has been on for a while and most often I can ignore it but I get snatches of things like "bet you never thought this is what your life would look like at 30!" Then there is the organizational and structural chaos channel which has been on a lot lately and it says things like "what are you going to do about this? what are you going to do about that? how are you going to fix this problem? what are you going to say to your boss about that one?" that channel tends to play a lot of re-runs. then there is the condemnation channel which says things like "you suck at your job. you are letting your family down. why can't you get a "real" job. people only like you for what you do for them. you are alone"
there are more...believe me. but i won't write about them. I just know that I have about 17 TV channels on in my head right now and I really just want to have ONE. And intellectually I know that worry is unecessary and that God is in control and that i can't "fix" or manipulate anything and that I just need to trust Him. but the fact remains that I feel like i can't turn these other channels off these days. And some days I think "if one more channel comes on I am going to scream". and they keep turning on and keep getting louder and the nicer channels just get talked over by all the horrible ones.
more than likely I need to get some serious time alone and away from all the distractions that are around me and sincerely ask God to turn off all the channels but one. but there is a part of me that is scared to do that becaue I might not like what is on the quiet time channel. it might be hard to deal with, or it might bring up things about myself that I don't like or it might ask me to forgive or ask forgiveness from someone I don't want to deal with. so as much as i hate the noise i am scared of the silence. so for now I stare out the window and drink my coffee and listen to 17 channels in my head.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
reset
I am going to date myself a bit with this...but some of you remember nintendo right? not all this crazy PS2, X-Box, 97 buttons on one controller stuff but the original nintendo...a button, b button, up, down, left right, the end. Ok. Remember when your nintendo would freak out and you couldn't get it to play the games? what did you do first? that is right...you took out the game and blew into it. as if your saliva has some sort ability to solve electrical problems. then you blew into the nintendo itself and put the game back in to try again. and just as you starting to think everything was solved it did it again and you had to hit the RESET button (sometimes in the middle of a game which was a major bummer). I feel like sometimes God hits my reset button. There are times when something inside has gotten a little jumbled so God says, "hang on...let's just restart some things".
In the last few days a couple of things have tapped that reset button for me. I am not saying that everything is 100% in my heart or my head and the things that have been reset are sort of ongoing processes but it is nice to STOP and say, "oh yeah...I can't believe I wasn't thinking about that".
I have been reading the story of Abraham. The Father of the nation of Israel, he trusted God nearly unwaveringly, he was willing to give up what was most precious to him simply because God asked (an amazing illustration of trust). God makes some pretty crazy promises to Abraham...the craziest being that he will be the father of a nation with descendents too numerous to count. It was crazy because Abraham and his wife couldn't have kids, oh yeah and they were about 100 years old. I am sure Abraham was thinking "hmmm, I am not sure how this is going to work. maybe i misunderstood Him. maybe it was only a figure of speach. I mean we are OLD, how the heck are we going to have kids?!" But he chose to trust God's promise...even if it seemed far-fetched
Here is what happened in Genesis 18:10-14:
Then the LORD said, "I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah your wife will have a son." Now Sarah was listening at the entrance to the tent, which was behind him. Abraham and Sarah were already old and well advanced in years, and Sarah was past the age of childbearing. So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, "After I am worn out and my master is old, will I now have this pleasure?"
Then the LORD said to Abraham, "Why did Sarah laugh and say, 'Will I really have a child, now that I am old?' Is anything too hard for the LORD ? I will return to you at the appointed time next year and Sarah will have a son."
The thing that hit me in this passage was verse 14...IS ANYTHING TOO HARD FOR THE LORD?. I suppose I'd laugh too if this were my situation, so it's understandable that Sarah was a bit cynical about it. But I love this interchange between God and Abraham because God could have said, "gosh, I know this sounds really wild and sort of impossible but here is how it's going to work, so just hang in there and don't flip out or anything" but instead God says really simply the most obvious thing in the world and acts as if this HUGE impossibility is no more difficult than taking a breath...is anything too hard for the LORD? Huh...yeah...good call God. A 90 year old lady getting pregnant is a pretty crazy thing but for God it's a very simple thing. God isn't looking at my life saying, "oh man, I didn't know things would end up like that. how in the world are you going to solve that issue, how are you going to learn this lesson? Gosh, yeah you should start to panic." Nothing is too hard for the LORD. Wow. So when I am sitting around stewing over the difficult things here in Zilina, or in my personal life, or the relational stresses that can occupy my brain I have to ask myself...Is anything too hard for the LORD? Definitively NO.
This thought doesn't exactly "fix" my problems. I still have problems with work, or ministry, or my personal life. But it's a great comfort to know that none of those things are too hard for the LORD. They can be too hard for me. They can be too hard for my friends. They can be too hard for my leaders. But they aren't too hard for the LORD. So when I need help solving, understanding, or simply persevering it's amazing to know that there is nothing that is too hard for the LORD and that sometimes the answer is just to trust that and watch God do something that looks totally impossible.
In the last few days a couple of things have tapped that reset button for me. I am not saying that everything is 100% in my heart or my head and the things that have been reset are sort of ongoing processes but it is nice to STOP and say, "oh yeah...I can't believe I wasn't thinking about that".
I have been reading the story of Abraham. The Father of the nation of Israel, he trusted God nearly unwaveringly, he was willing to give up what was most precious to him simply because God asked (an amazing illustration of trust). God makes some pretty crazy promises to Abraham...the craziest being that he will be the father of a nation with descendents too numerous to count. It was crazy because Abraham and his wife couldn't have kids, oh yeah and they were about 100 years old. I am sure Abraham was thinking "hmmm, I am not sure how this is going to work. maybe i misunderstood Him. maybe it was only a figure of speach. I mean we are OLD, how the heck are we going to have kids?!" But he chose to trust God's promise...even if it seemed far-fetched
Here is what happened in Genesis 18:10-14:
Then the LORD said, "I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah your wife will have a son." Now Sarah was listening at the entrance to the tent, which was behind him. Abraham and Sarah were already old and well advanced in years, and Sarah was past the age of childbearing. So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, "After I am worn out and my master is old, will I now have this pleasure?"
Then the LORD said to Abraham, "Why did Sarah laugh and say, 'Will I really have a child, now that I am old?' Is anything too hard for the LORD ? I will return to you at the appointed time next year and Sarah will have a son."
The thing that hit me in this passage was verse 14...IS ANYTHING TOO HARD FOR THE LORD?. I suppose I'd laugh too if this were my situation, so it's understandable that Sarah was a bit cynical about it. But I love this interchange between God and Abraham because God could have said, "gosh, I know this sounds really wild and sort of impossible but here is how it's going to work, so just hang in there and don't flip out or anything" but instead God says really simply the most obvious thing in the world and acts as if this HUGE impossibility is no more difficult than taking a breath...is anything too hard for the LORD? Huh...yeah...good call God. A 90 year old lady getting pregnant is a pretty crazy thing but for God it's a very simple thing. God isn't looking at my life saying, "oh man, I didn't know things would end up like that. how in the world are you going to solve that issue, how are you going to learn this lesson? Gosh, yeah you should start to panic." Nothing is too hard for the LORD. Wow. So when I am sitting around stewing over the difficult things here in Zilina, or in my personal life, or the relational stresses that can occupy my brain I have to ask myself...Is anything too hard for the LORD? Definitively NO.
This thought doesn't exactly "fix" my problems. I still have problems with work, or ministry, or my personal life. But it's a great comfort to know that none of those things are too hard for the LORD. They can be too hard for me. They can be too hard for my friends. They can be too hard for my leaders. But they aren't too hard for the LORD. So when I need help solving, understanding, or simply persevering it's amazing to know that there is nothing that is too hard for the LORD and that sometimes the answer is just to trust that and watch God do something that looks totally impossible.
Monday, September 04, 2006
weekend trip
I spent Friday and Saturday of this weekend in Presov Slovakia. This is the city I moved to when I moved over here a year and a half ago. I left there last December in kind of an abrupt way and haven't spent much time there since I left. I moved from there because I took a different job over here and needed to be where our main office was. There wasn't a whole lot of time between my determining I was moving and actually moving so it was a bit of a shock to some of my friends in Presov. I honetly don't know that I "left well". there were some people I needed to say goodbye to that I didn't but I really did think I would be back there more often.
Being back this weekend made me see how much I missed that city, and the students there and the work that i was doing before I took on a more "corporate" role. I got to spend some sweet time with college and high school girls who were a big part of my world and who I only rarely talk to anymore. It made me miss that element of my life...spending time, real time, with girls who are learning about who God is in their life. I miss knowing what is happening in their lives. I miss knowing about their stuggles and challenges and how God is growing them. Basically I miss my girls. I am so thankful I was able to see some of them (I even got to go to the wedding of one of them!) and I am thankful that I saw that as a real void in my life now. I am so thankful to realize that one of the reasons God has me here is to be a friend and fellow traveler with these girls. I didn't realize how much I missed that section of my life and it was nice to plug back into it even if it was just for a few hours.
Being back this weekend made me see how much I missed that city, and the students there and the work that i was doing before I took on a more "corporate" role. I got to spend some sweet time with college and high school girls who were a big part of my world and who I only rarely talk to anymore. It made me miss that element of my life...spending time, real time, with girls who are learning about who God is in their life. I miss knowing what is happening in their lives. I miss knowing about their stuggles and challenges and how God is growing them. Basically I miss my girls. I am so thankful I was able to see some of them (I even got to go to the wedding of one of them!) and I am thankful that I saw that as a real void in my life now. I am so thankful to realize that one of the reasons God has me here is to be a friend and fellow traveler with these girls. I didn't realize how much I missed that section of my life and it was nice to plug back into it even if it was just for a few hours.
Slovak lessons make me sweat
I am not sure exactly why this happens but every time I have a Slovak language lesson I start to sweat...bad. I noticed it last year the 1st time I met with my tutor. She was a really sweet lady (I say lady she's probably early 30s) and didn't speak English at all. She was super kind and really patient but everytime I met with her my hands would sweat, and I would end up pitting out my shirt (hey boys, who wants my number now!). Well today I started private lessons at a language school in town and as soon as i walked in the door...boom...sweat city. ugh. And the thing of it is that I am not really a "sweater". It's just language lessons that make feel like I am about to melt.
Learning language for me is probably one of the heights in humiliation. For most of my life I have been silently telling myself "Just blend in...don't do anything that makes you stick out...just blend". So situations that made me stick out unexpectedly or in a less than flattering way always caused my blood pressure to skyrocket. Think any kind of toilet paper stuck to your shoe, spinach in your teeth, mismatched outfit sort of situation and I wanted to avoid those at all costs. I hate being "obvious" unless it's on my own terms and with people I am comfortable around.
Being a "foreigner" makes blending a bit harder. In general Europeans and North Americans look different...i know that is a generalization but there is a difference in the way people carry themselves, the volume at which people talk, the amount of eye contact etc. and so it's generally pretty easy to spot someone here that doesn't "fit" and I feel like very often i stick out like a sore thumb. And then when i open my mouth it becomes painfully obvious that I am not exactly a local. I try not to talk on my phone on the bus so people don't hear me speak English and realize I am a foreigner, and I guess it comes back to not wanting to stick out.
My need to blend in though can be a problem. I won't ask for help in stores or when I am looking for something because I am afraid i won't be able to communicate what I need or that people will think I am stupid for not being able to speak Slovak. And this is probably the reason why I am so sweaty during language. I want to communicate and fit in and not seem strange to my teacher but the fact remains that I am a foreigner, I don't speak Slovak very well, and I am a "stranger" in many ways. I decided today when I went in to the lesson that I was going to just start talking. I knew I would say things really incorrectly and mess up vocab and grammar but that i was just going to use my words and keep talking even when i felt dumb and sweaty. So for an hour i sweated...and talked...and had to say "nerozumiem" (I don't understand) more times than i wanted. but I survived it and didn't flip out from feeling like a stranger and I suppose that is half the battle with language. Using your words, knowing you will make mistakes and being willing to learn from them. So I am hoping to be brave enough to stick out, and let's face it...I am a foreigner which isn't necessarilly a bad thing!
Learning language for me is probably one of the heights in humiliation. For most of my life I have been silently telling myself "Just blend in...don't do anything that makes you stick out...just blend". So situations that made me stick out unexpectedly or in a less than flattering way always caused my blood pressure to skyrocket. Think any kind of toilet paper stuck to your shoe, spinach in your teeth, mismatched outfit sort of situation and I wanted to avoid those at all costs. I hate being "obvious" unless it's on my own terms and with people I am comfortable around.
Being a "foreigner" makes blending a bit harder. In general Europeans and North Americans look different...i know that is a generalization but there is a difference in the way people carry themselves, the volume at which people talk, the amount of eye contact etc. and so it's generally pretty easy to spot someone here that doesn't "fit" and I feel like very often i stick out like a sore thumb. And then when i open my mouth it becomes painfully obvious that I am not exactly a local. I try not to talk on my phone on the bus so people don't hear me speak English and realize I am a foreigner, and I guess it comes back to not wanting to stick out.
My need to blend in though can be a problem. I won't ask for help in stores or when I am looking for something because I am afraid i won't be able to communicate what I need or that people will think I am stupid for not being able to speak Slovak. And this is probably the reason why I am so sweaty during language. I want to communicate and fit in and not seem strange to my teacher but the fact remains that I am a foreigner, I don't speak Slovak very well, and I am a "stranger" in many ways. I decided today when I went in to the lesson that I was going to just start talking. I knew I would say things really incorrectly and mess up vocab and grammar but that i was just going to use my words and keep talking even when i felt dumb and sweaty. So for an hour i sweated...and talked...and had to say "nerozumiem" (I don't understand) more times than i wanted. but I survived it and didn't flip out from feeling like a stranger and I suppose that is half the battle with language. Using your words, knowing you will make mistakes and being willing to learn from them. So I am hoping to be brave enough to stick out, and let's face it...I am a foreigner which isn't necessarilly a bad thing!
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
The Dam
yep I am back. it's been a while. it's been a crazy summer. and I am finally back in my apartment with coffee, quiet, and a few minutes to collect my thoughts. first of all I really want to tell you about all the things that happened this summer. camps, interns, kids camp, work stuff, personal stuff but as i sat down to have a little quiet time this morning I was smacked in the face with one of those basic truths that feel really simple but that i continue to forget. so let me say a bit about that.
the summer has been exhausting and somewhere around early July I pretty much stopped spending much time praying or reading my bible or really even thinking very much about the fact that there is more to this world that what is happening around me right at this moment. the urgent started crowding out the important. I kept thinking, "it's fine, it's fine, one more camp and i will get back on track, one more weekend, one more early morning, etc. etc.". Occasionally I would toss up a "Hey, God can you help me out with this one?" or a "thanks God that was really great". But serious, intentional time with God was just non-existant.
Then suddenly it's mid-August and I am back in my apartment and I am wiped out, and lonely, and sad, and frustrated, and angry with nearly everyone and everything, and feeling unloved, unappreciated, uncared for, and so on and so on. I am doing everything in my power not to sit down and say "God, I am tired and I miss you, and i feel like junk". So this morning I am thinking about all this and writing a lot to God about how I am frustrated and sick of myself. How I hate being angry, and hate serving only to be noticed or be patted on the back. How i am tired of being self-absorbed and responding to God's call to love everyone only if by everyone He means people I like or who are cool or who don't get on my nerves or who don't smell bad or who haven't disappointed me in some way. I am wallowing in this...just rolling around in it. Covering myself with all this self-accusation and disappointment and despair. And I am just talking and talking and talking to God about it, not even taking a breath to let a word back from Him sneak in. I am actually kind of afraid of what he will say.
Then something hits me and I get this picture in my head. A picture of a stream or river or something like that. Water flowing down into a pool of some sort. And I realize a very simple thing. God pours into me like a stream. And that stream flows into me and it's where all my "water" comes from. Everything good and pure and right and healthy and positive is in that water. Any ability to put others above myself or to love even when it's hard, or to pour myself out till I am empty is in that water. And this summer I built a dam. I blocked off that outpouring from Him. Every time I chose to sleep later instead of spending time with him I built up the dam. Every time I chose to go my own way instead of His I built up the dam. Every time I said "this whole time with God thing isn't that important I will be fine if i skip out on it for a while" I built up the dam. So I built this dam and my little pond started drying up. The source was still there pouring out as much as before but I have this dam and it's not getting down to me...
The dam got bigger and sturdier and my pond started to get dry. I started thinking this morning about what a drying up pond looks like and it felt a lot like my life. It seemed a lot like how I am feeling right now. The pond gets dry, it gets muddy, there is no movement so it gets dirty, stagnant, shallow. I am not fllled up right now with this river of good that He offers. All truth, all goodness, all life flows from that source but when I build these dams how can I be full of what is flowing down to me?! I don't want to be shallow, lazy, stagnant, muddy. I want to be fluid and dynamic, forceful, alive, and full of what God is pouring into me. I want to tear down the dam. I want this river of life to rush down into me, clean me out, fill me up, bring me back to life, bring me back into a place where I am receiving from Him so my pond can pour into others ponds.
Today I am asking God to tear down the dam, or to help me tear it down so that i can be filled up with all He is pouring down into me. Today I am coming back into the place where I realize He is the source and that I can't fill my own pond, or expect to remain full apart from Him. I am not sure if it's going to come down all at once or piece by piece but I do know I want it to come down and that I very much want to be filled from the source of all life and all truth.
Monday, August 14, 2006
Friday, June 30, 2006
camps 2006
hey out there! just a quick note to say that the last few days were jam packed with a training weekend we did for the Slovak and American church teams to prepare them for camp. And this afternoon everyone headed off to their camp location. The training days were great and I hope they were encouraging to the teams. I honestly can't believe that camps are starting tomorrow...it seems totally surreal.
for those of you interested we have 3 camps happening simultaneously this week. One for Bratislava, one for Presov and one for Lucenec. There were be about 30 Americans and 40 Slovaks hanging out with Slovak high schoolers this week and your prayers would be much appreciated. I am looking forward to keeping you posted on what God does in the following days. thanks for praying and walking on the path with us all. sorry I have been so abstentee lately...it's been crazy around here and I still have a few more weekend until it calms down a bit.
for those of you interested we have 3 camps happening simultaneously this week. One for Bratislava, one for Presov and one for Lucenec. There were be about 30 Americans and 40 Slovaks hanging out with Slovak high schoolers this week and your prayers would be much appreciated. I am looking forward to keeping you posted on what God does in the following days. thanks for praying and walking on the path with us all. sorry I have been so abstentee lately...it's been crazy around here and I still have a few more weekend until it calms down a bit.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Intern Task
one of the Amazing Race tasks for the interns. We were having kind of a tough day...but it was pretty fun nonetheless.
crazy summer
summer season has begun which means that i spend a few minutes a day thinking, "I should update my blog...I know just what I will write about" and then i totally get distracted or busy or something and forget about the update. so with a few free moments i thought I'd put a few things out there. Also lately my English ability seems to be really suffering. It's not that I am speaking so much Slovak that I have no need for English but my sentences are strange and my vocabulary is stunted and i am really sorry if these posts seem totally grammatically incorrect or somehow dumb.
One thing I really want to mention is just that God has been so faithfully getting my attention and nudging me forward and communicating some specific things to me that have been amazing. Now into my second year over here I am seeing some interesting stuff. This year has been "harder" in a lot of ways for a lot of reasons. But it's also been really sweet in terms of the deepening of my relationship with Jesus and in terms of the places where God is challenging me. I wish I could explain that better, but I will just leave it by saying that I love God more in these days than ever in my life. It's incredible to see Him living and working in my life and answering prayers and being faithful over and over again even when I am not.
The 2nd thing is that this summer is INSANE. As the director of summer camps for Slovakia I have a ton of stuff going on with the 3 camps we will do this summer. lots of logistics, planning, meetings, preparations etc. it's coming down to the wire. Additionally i am leading an intern team of 6 Americans which has been a huge blessing and really fun. So I am crazed until August but am thankful for it and God is doing some cool stuff with camp preparations and with the interns.
3rd if you are out there praying I would love for you to pray about our 3 camps. pray for the students who will be there and the American teams that are coming over to serve there. Pray for the interns as they build relationships before, during and after camp. Pray for me as I lead things and organize camps and interns. Pray for God to make his name great in Slovakia and for all of us to be a reflection of that.
Sorry this post is totally disjointed and rushed. I am running out the door and have a whole heck of a lot to do. I am posting some photos as well from the last few weeks. We did this incredible Amazing Race type thing across Czech Republic for the interns to get to know each other and do some team building. It was so fun and generated a lot of discussion topics and we got to know pretty well through it. Some of the photos are from there.
more to come as I have availability.
One thing I really want to mention is just that God has been so faithfully getting my attention and nudging me forward and communicating some specific things to me that have been amazing. Now into my second year over here I am seeing some interesting stuff. This year has been "harder" in a lot of ways for a lot of reasons. But it's also been really sweet in terms of the deepening of my relationship with Jesus and in terms of the places where God is challenging me. I wish I could explain that better, but I will just leave it by saying that I love God more in these days than ever in my life. It's incredible to see Him living and working in my life and answering prayers and being faithful over and over again even when I am not.
The 2nd thing is that this summer is INSANE. As the director of summer camps for Slovakia I have a ton of stuff going on with the 3 camps we will do this summer. lots of logistics, planning, meetings, preparations etc. it's coming down to the wire. Additionally i am leading an intern team of 6 Americans which has been a huge blessing and really fun. So I am crazed until August but am thankful for it and God is doing some cool stuff with camp preparations and with the interns.
3rd if you are out there praying I would love for you to pray about our 3 camps. pray for the students who will be there and the American teams that are coming over to serve there. Pray for the interns as they build relationships before, during and after camp. Pray for me as I lead things and organize camps and interns. Pray for God to make his name great in Slovakia and for all of us to be a reflection of that.
Sorry this post is totally disjointed and rushed. I am running out the door and have a whole heck of a lot to do. I am posting some photos as well from the last few weeks. We did this incredible Amazing Race type thing across Czech Republic for the interns to get to know each other and do some team building. It was so fun and generated a lot of discussion topics and we got to know pretty well through it. Some of the photos are from there.
more to come as I have availability.
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Heck yeah
Sometimes the Lord calls you to do hard things...it's true. And people, this may terrify some of you but when I moved to Slovakia I forgot to mention one frightening fact about my new life here. I am 4 hours from the closest Starbucks! I know, I know, please dry your eyes, put your checkbooks down, it will be ok. Not all of us are cut out to live a life so far from the powerful, delicious, addictive, pleasure of that little green circle.
But, this Friday a little miracle came my way. No it wasn't world peace, or a solution to global warming, or even some type of resolution to ANY of the ridiculous junk happening on Lost this season. The miracle was a simple white cup...filled with Latte Goodness. And it was all mine. Sigh.
Thanks to Kenric for supplying this miracle when Lee Ann and i went to Vienna to pick him up at the airport. Look how much joy you brought me! and Lee Ann.
But, this Friday a little miracle came my way. No it wasn't world peace, or a solution to global warming, or even some type of resolution to ANY of the ridiculous junk happening on Lost this season. The miracle was a simple white cup...filled with Latte Goodness. And it was all mine. Sigh.
Thanks to Kenric for supplying this miracle when Lee Ann and i went to Vienna to pick him up at the airport. Look how much joy you brought me! and Lee Ann.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Smells like Jesus
A million years ago when I was in college I took a Psych class called Sensation and Perception. It was basically a course about the 5 senses. We went into some deep detail about each of the senses and it amazed me how complex it all was, how little we actually understood them, and how important each of them is. By the end of that class I was able to diagram the neural processes involved in all 5 senses. It was incredible. I could map the intricate process of the visual system. I could trace the sensory pathways that are involved when you are touched pysically. It was so interesting and complicated and amazing to realize all the tiny things that happened to get an image from the television to the back of your eye to your brain.
I say all that really for one reason. The last sense we studied that semester was smell. Mainly because it was the least complicated physically and neurologically. But one thing we did learn is that although it's not a real complicated sense, it's the most powerfully tied to memory. Our sense of smell connects to our brains and our memories so strongly, and so intensely. Think about it for a second...ever walked through the mall and smelled the cologne/purfume of your 1st love? Ever walked into the house and smelled your favorite meal long before you knew what was on the menu? Ever been reduced to tears because you smelled something familar and the memories came flooding back to you? Our sense of smell is POWERFUL. A friend of mine here just got back from being in the states and is wearing a new purfume. It happens to be the same purfume that one of my very best friends from home wears...I think of her every time I smell it. Clean sheets, spring rain, Old Spice, whatever, spend a day sniffing stuff and see how strongly it connects to your memory.
Now, that i have set the stage a bit, here is a verse that God brought to me this week. I keep going back to it...chewing on it...and wishing I could imprint it on my brain.
"But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the FRAGRANCE of the knowledge of him. For we are to God the AROMA of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing" 2 Corinthians 2:14-15
Wow. Through us the fragrance of knowing God is dispersed. Another thing about scent is that a little goes a long way...a few molecules can really travel and be detected easily. As believers when we walk through life people can smell the God stuff on us. Maybe some of us have doused ourselves in it. Maybe some of us haven't put any on in a while and the smell of the world is more prevalent. But people should be able to smell it on us. We are the aroma of Christ. Incredible thought. In my life I want to put on so much of Christ that when I am around people smell it on me. That it fills up their nostrils. That I am indistinguishable from the smell. When people think of me they connect me with the aroma of Christ, the fragrance of the knowledge of God. How incredible to know that through our lives and our hearts and our daily wanderings God spreads the aroma of himself out all over the earth. So go ahead and hose yourself down with this "fragrance of life". There is no such thing as too much of it!
I say all that really for one reason. The last sense we studied that semester was smell. Mainly because it was the least complicated physically and neurologically. But one thing we did learn is that although it's not a real complicated sense, it's the most powerfully tied to memory. Our sense of smell connects to our brains and our memories so strongly, and so intensely. Think about it for a second...ever walked through the mall and smelled the cologne/purfume of your 1st love? Ever walked into the house and smelled your favorite meal long before you knew what was on the menu? Ever been reduced to tears because you smelled something familar and the memories came flooding back to you? Our sense of smell is POWERFUL. A friend of mine here just got back from being in the states and is wearing a new purfume. It happens to be the same purfume that one of my very best friends from home wears...I think of her every time I smell it. Clean sheets, spring rain, Old Spice, whatever, spend a day sniffing stuff and see how strongly it connects to your memory.
Now, that i have set the stage a bit, here is a verse that God brought to me this week. I keep going back to it...chewing on it...and wishing I could imprint it on my brain.
"But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the FRAGRANCE of the knowledge of him. For we are to God the AROMA of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing" 2 Corinthians 2:14-15
Wow. Through us the fragrance of knowing God is dispersed. Another thing about scent is that a little goes a long way...a few molecules can really travel and be detected easily. As believers when we walk through life people can smell the God stuff on us. Maybe some of us have doused ourselves in it. Maybe some of us haven't put any on in a while and the smell of the world is more prevalent. But people should be able to smell it on us. We are the aroma of Christ. Incredible thought. In my life I want to put on so much of Christ that when I am around people smell it on me. That it fills up their nostrils. That I am indistinguishable from the smell. When people think of me they connect me with the aroma of Christ, the fragrance of the knowledge of God. How incredible to know that through our lives and our hearts and our daily wanderings God spreads the aroma of himself out all over the earth. So go ahead and hose yourself down with this "fragrance of life". There is no such thing as too much of it!
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
loud and clear
When I was in college I had pretty much decided that the whole heaven and hell thing was bogus and that more than likely when we died we just died. Sometimes that thought REALLY freaked me out. I am talking panic...tears...sweating...unable to sleep. I would have these sudden panic moments where the uncertainty of death and the thought of a world without me just nearly drove me over an edge. Those moments used to happen fairly often.
They happen only rarely now. Last night I had one. I was getting ready for bed and just suddenly I got really freaked out by the thought of it. I very rationally tried to talk myself out of it. i prayed for God's comfort and truth and I felt a little better about the whole thing. I went to bed and read a little and then decided to pick up my bible. Currently in the mornings I read a little Old Testament and a little New Testament. Yesterday morning I started reading the book of Hebrews. I read Hebrews chapter 1 yesterday morning, so last night as I laid in bed I figured "well, I will just keep moving along into Hebrews Ch 2".
Sometimes we hear God in funny ways. Sometimes it's in a whisper. Sometimes he comes in loud and clear. Here is an excerpt from what I read last night...read in the context of my odd panic moment. The HE reference in this verse is Jesus
"Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might destroy him who holds the power of death - that is, the devil - and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death." Hebrews 2:14-15.
It floored me. To hear God speak to me through His word so specifically. It was a huge comfort and joy to me and I have been thinking about it all day. To know that I am set free from fear by Christ. I really really really needed to hear that...for a lot of different reasons.
They happen only rarely now. Last night I had one. I was getting ready for bed and just suddenly I got really freaked out by the thought of it. I very rationally tried to talk myself out of it. i prayed for God's comfort and truth and I felt a little better about the whole thing. I went to bed and read a little and then decided to pick up my bible. Currently in the mornings I read a little Old Testament and a little New Testament. Yesterday morning I started reading the book of Hebrews. I read Hebrews chapter 1 yesterday morning, so last night as I laid in bed I figured "well, I will just keep moving along into Hebrews Ch 2".
Sometimes we hear God in funny ways. Sometimes it's in a whisper. Sometimes he comes in loud and clear. Here is an excerpt from what I read last night...read in the context of my odd panic moment. The HE reference in this verse is Jesus
"Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might destroy him who holds the power of death - that is, the devil - and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death." Hebrews 2:14-15.
It floored me. To hear God speak to me through His word so specifically. It was a huge comfort and joy to me and I have been thinking about it all day. To know that I am set free from fear by Christ. I really really really needed to hear that...for a lot of different reasons.
Monday, April 17, 2006
the old man
remember a few posts ago when I told the story about the old guy in the center of town almost getting beat up by the teenagers? if not just back up a few posts and read it. well anyway i failed to mention/realize that he wasn't just sitting on the ground. he actually doesn't have legs. i think his legs stop right below the knee. also he is fairly well known in town. he is mentally unstable, he has no legs, he sometimes pushes himself around town on a homemade cart of sorts, and is old, he has no home.
why tell you this? well here is the thing...as i mentioned my friends Paige and Stani and I saw him the other day. he was on the verge of being beaten up by 2 able bodied teenagers. he was sitting outside alone in the cold shouting at nothing. a few days later Paige and I say him again. Pushing himself around the streets in his homemade "cart" and shouting at nothing. Then yesterday, Easter Sunday, Paige saw him again dragging himself around town on his stumps. There is a man, who "lives" in my neighborhood who has no legs, no money, no home, no one to care for him, no hope. And as we sat in our church service yesterday and then enjoyed a lovely meal together with friends this man probably sat on his stumps somewhere in town and shouted at nothing.
since it's been Easter week I have been thinking a lot about Jesus. and I know that there was something extremely attractive to him about unattractive people. I know the bible talks more about the poor, and widowed, and marginalized than about most stuff. I know a life following Christ is a life of love and a call to treat others and respond to others the way Jesus would (which a lot of times means getting crapped on and degraded by the world). and I wonder what would Jesus do about this man living in my neighborhood. I know that Jesus didn't respond to every need around him. The bible doesn't tell us "and Jesus opened a clinic and cured all the diseases. then he opened a bank and supplied free money for every poor person in the world. The End". in the last week I have spent countless hours sending emails, creating task lists, talking about future ministry plans, discussing the strategy purpose and meaning our church and it's leaders, had conversations about the fact that we seem to be missing the point on a lot of things, the best way to "do ministry", effective, relevant ministry, etc. AND A MAN WITH NO LEGS DRAGS HIMSELF AROUND MY NEIGHBORHOOD ON STUMPS
I am re-reading a book that i find more and more incredible every day. I think i will probably read this book constantly for the rest of my life because i find the truths in it so powerful and they point me back towards the true center. It's called The Signature of Jesus and it's by a guy named Brennan Manning. On every page I read something and think "oh, that's a good one...I am gonna post that on my blog" but i think I would write the whole book here and get sued for copyright infringement or something. anyway, as i think about this man I read this section...
"So central is Jesus' teaching on humble apprenticeshop and SERVING LOVE as the essesnce of disipleship, that
Christ makes himself recognizable only in our brothers and sisters: 'Whatever you did for one of the least of these
brothers of mine, you did for me' (Matthew 25:40). In this context the words of Mother Teresa are impressive. At
the dedication of a hospice for the terminally ill in New York City, she said 'Each AIDS victim is Jesus in a
distressing disguise'" p. 96
Part of me is very afraid of this man. He's not mentally stable, and for the sake of safety I am probably not going to have him camp out on my couch. But if he is Jesus in a very distressing disguise...there has to be something reasonable I can do to serve him. I am thinking of what that means and how i can carry it out. In love. In faith. And in the knowlege that Jesus sees us all equally and his love for us has nothing to do with how well we clean up. It has everything to do with him.
why tell you this? well here is the thing...as i mentioned my friends Paige and Stani and I saw him the other day. he was on the verge of being beaten up by 2 able bodied teenagers. he was sitting outside alone in the cold shouting at nothing. a few days later Paige and I say him again. Pushing himself around the streets in his homemade "cart" and shouting at nothing. Then yesterday, Easter Sunday, Paige saw him again dragging himself around town on his stumps. There is a man, who "lives" in my neighborhood who has no legs, no money, no home, no one to care for him, no hope. And as we sat in our church service yesterday and then enjoyed a lovely meal together with friends this man probably sat on his stumps somewhere in town and shouted at nothing.
since it's been Easter week I have been thinking a lot about Jesus. and I know that there was something extremely attractive to him about unattractive people. I know the bible talks more about the poor, and widowed, and marginalized than about most stuff. I know a life following Christ is a life of love and a call to treat others and respond to others the way Jesus would (which a lot of times means getting crapped on and degraded by the world). and I wonder what would Jesus do about this man living in my neighborhood. I know that Jesus didn't respond to every need around him. The bible doesn't tell us "and Jesus opened a clinic and cured all the diseases. then he opened a bank and supplied free money for every poor person in the world. The End". in the last week I have spent countless hours sending emails, creating task lists, talking about future ministry plans, discussing the strategy purpose and meaning our church and it's leaders, had conversations about the fact that we seem to be missing the point on a lot of things, the best way to "do ministry", effective, relevant ministry, etc. AND A MAN WITH NO LEGS DRAGS HIMSELF AROUND MY NEIGHBORHOOD ON STUMPS
I am re-reading a book that i find more and more incredible every day. I think i will probably read this book constantly for the rest of my life because i find the truths in it so powerful and they point me back towards the true center. It's called The Signature of Jesus and it's by a guy named Brennan Manning. On every page I read something and think "oh, that's a good one...I am gonna post that on my blog" but i think I would write the whole book here and get sued for copyright infringement or something. anyway, as i think about this man I read this section...
"So central is Jesus' teaching on humble apprenticeshop and SERVING LOVE as the essesnce of disipleship, that
Christ makes himself recognizable only in our brothers and sisters: 'Whatever you did for one of the least of these
brothers of mine, you did for me' (Matthew 25:40). In this context the words of Mother Teresa are impressive. At
the dedication of a hospice for the terminally ill in New York City, she said 'Each AIDS victim is Jesus in a
distressing disguise'" p. 96
Part of me is very afraid of this man. He's not mentally stable, and for the sake of safety I am probably not going to have him camp out on my couch. But if he is Jesus in a very distressing disguise...there has to be something reasonable I can do to serve him. I am thinking of what that means and how i can carry it out. In love. In faith. And in the knowlege that Jesus sees us all equally and his love for us has nothing to do with how well we clean up. It has everything to do with him.
Thursday, April 06, 2006
crazy
I am not sure why I am even posting this story. other than it was interesting to me and it's on my mind as i sit here thinking of going to bed. First of all it's freezing cold again today...and when I say freezing I mean it's actually below 32 degrees. Anyway, I went to dinner with some friends tonight and as we were leaving and walking towards the center of town we hear all this racket. looking to the right there is a guy sitting on the ground...in the middle of the center of town very loudly "singing" and very loudly "playing" a guitar. I say "singing" and "playing" because he was more accurately just pounding on the guitar with his fists and shouting. He was older and obviously not quite all there and probably drunk or mentally hanicapped or something. But the crazy thing was there were these 2 younger guys there and they were in some sort of loud discussion with him. Then it escalated as we stood there and the old man stayed sitting on the ground while one of the younger guys tried to kick him. then the old guy pulls this cane out and starts hitting the younger guy. there was a small scuffle and some yelling and hitting and then it seemed like the younger guy finally came to his senses and realized he was attempting to beat up a homeless/handicapped/elderly man and that it was a pretty ridiculous thing to do. then it was over. and the old man continued shouting his song and pounding on that guitar.
again I am not sure why i tell this story. but you know when sometimes you see strange things and you think about them for a while? so that was a little about my day. other than that I spent seriously the whole day in a meeting. the whole day.
yesterday was a "red tape" when it rains it pours kind of day. I got a notice about a bill for my internet that hasn't been paid yet (because I don't have a key to the mailbox in my building so I never got the 1st bill). I got a notice that a package was sent to me from the states but it's in cutoms prison and i have to go to the post office and pay them to give me my mail. I found out I have been paying my rent incorrectly and I am behind 2 months in payments. And the documentation I need for my Slovak VISA is some sort of mystery paperwork that no one knows anything about. I mean all of that was in one day! So tomorrow i will be paying some bills before they kick me outta here and cut off my internet!
signing off for the day...more to come
again I am not sure why i tell this story. but you know when sometimes you see strange things and you think about them for a while? so that was a little about my day. other than that I spent seriously the whole day in a meeting. the whole day.
yesterday was a "red tape" when it rains it pours kind of day. I got a notice about a bill for my internet that hasn't been paid yet (because I don't have a key to the mailbox in my building so I never got the 1st bill). I got a notice that a package was sent to me from the states but it's in cutoms prison and i have to go to the post office and pay them to give me my mail. I found out I have been paying my rent incorrectly and I am behind 2 months in payments. And the documentation I need for my Slovak VISA is some sort of mystery paperwork that no one knows anything about. I mean all of that was in one day! So tomorrow i will be paying some bills before they kick me outta here and cut off my internet!
signing off for the day...more to come
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
belated posting
I was doing so well and posting so regularly (thanks to my blogger widget) then I went to Croatia and lost momentum. Sorry about that. So to get you up to speed the women's conference was GREAT. not so much because we had some great speaker or some great program, but because it became a place where i really communicated with God in a way that I have needed for a long time. I am so thankful for it and left that place feeling changed...different...renewed...in an indescribable way. It's too much to go into here but if you are interested in more detail on it feel free to ask. I am thankful for this time in part because I KNOW that if my mind and heart hadn't been directed back towards Christ I would not be surviving the world in which I am living. And at the same time, coming off this "mountain top" experience I find myself still getting overwhelmed by circumstances, or chosing to put other things in front of God, or believing lies about who I am or who God is. I guess that is part of being human...but it doesn't mean i have to like it.
our team and ministries are facing some challenged right now and we are all just looking for the right direction to be shown to us. It's this strange place of being really forced to rely on God. which is tough and counter-intuitive and frustrating. but it's also amazing to time and time again hear God telling us all "I am bigger than this. i will take care of you. I love you and I am with you." So we all hang on to that in our own ways.
I am working a good bit and traveling too. We have a lot to think about in regards to camp this summer and with all the transitions some decisions are harder to make than others. trying to make good decisions and see how God wants to use it in my life and in others.
Some interesting life events as of late...
the snow is all melted...thanks to 2 weeks of near constant rain. still looking forward to Spring...whenever it decides to show up
apparently central Europe "springs forward" a week ahead of the US. who knew? certainly not me as I spent a whole Sunday really confused.
In the last 3 weeks I have spent time in 5 different countries. How cool is that?
I think I am going to have to learn how to drive a stick shift. And I am nervous. If anyone wants to buy me an automatic over here feel free.
I still don't speak Slovak. Mainly because it's hard as crap and I don't spend near enough time studying. :(
I am obsessed with the TV show Lost. We download it and watch it as a group every Sunday night. We aren't caught up with the states yet but we are close.
Ok...that's about all i have for now. feel free to comment, write, pray, call, send peanut butter and starbucks coffee, what ever strikes your fancy.
more soon...
our team and ministries are facing some challenged right now and we are all just looking for the right direction to be shown to us. It's this strange place of being really forced to rely on God. which is tough and counter-intuitive and frustrating. but it's also amazing to time and time again hear God telling us all "I am bigger than this. i will take care of you. I love you and I am with you." So we all hang on to that in our own ways.
I am working a good bit and traveling too. We have a lot to think about in regards to camp this summer and with all the transitions some decisions are harder to make than others. trying to make good decisions and see how God wants to use it in my life and in others.
Some interesting life events as of late...
the snow is all melted...thanks to 2 weeks of near constant rain. still looking forward to Spring...whenever it decides to show up
apparently central Europe "springs forward" a week ahead of the US. who knew? certainly not me as I spent a whole Sunday really confused.
In the last 3 weeks I have spent time in 5 different countries. How cool is that?
I think I am going to have to learn how to drive a stick shift. And I am nervous. If anyone wants to buy me an automatic over here feel free.
I still don't speak Slovak. Mainly because it's hard as crap and I don't spend near enough time studying. :(
I am obsessed with the TV show Lost. We download it and watch it as a group every Sunday night. We aren't caught up with the states yet but we are close.
Ok...that's about all i have for now. feel free to comment, write, pray, call, send peanut butter and starbucks coffee, what ever strikes your fancy.
more soon...
Team #1
Our team was number one!!! We were playing a super fun game at this conference and initially our team wasn't doing so great. But we managed to go from last to 2nd and we were pretty proud of that. I wish I wasn't making such a weird face here but the rest of the picture makes me laugh a lot. Such great women...I continue to be honored to be counted among them.
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