Daily Bread

I'll be real honest...my spiritual life hasn't been too great these days. As is my normal bend I have let the "urgent", task oriented details of life get the better of me and push the spiritual life right out of me. But the more honest truth is that I tend to use that as an excuse. I look for reasons to let these things crowd out my walk with God. Partially because it's a whole lot easier for me to work on an excel spreadsheet, fire out 25 emails, and organize meeting notes than it is for me to sit down and pour my heart out to God. I am not this helpful, giving, sacrificial person...I am just choosing what comes more easily and naturally to me. I can blame it on my "wiring" as being High C (or a Beaver depending on which personality profile you look at), but at the end of the day I usually choose everything else on planet earth over time with God.

So I cycle through...I enter a phase of really enjoying reading God's word, trying to connect, knowing He is near...then I take a little break and think "I'll be fine...it's just a few days off, let's not get legalistic about the whole thing". Then a few days turns in to a few weeks and I haven't prayed or thought about God or really cared about anything other than myself in quite some time. Which pulls me into frustration, self-loathing, and a general "not-niceness" that creates more frustration, self-loathing etc.

Currently I am pretty deep in that phase. Camp is right around the corner. The "big dance" of my time in Slovakia. Finally I have a captive audience and a safe, honest place to share the truth about who God is, what he has done in my life, what he promises to do in all of our lives. Part of me cries out to have students see a life transformed by the radical truth of Jesus Christ! But as i head to camp in 3 days I am tired, drained, disconnected from the Father and not at all a radically changed being. How can I share about Jesus when I have been so far from him myself. How can I tell students the NECESSITY of a life lived in Christ, by Christ, for Christ when I am failing so miserably to live that out myself. I can't fix this issue in a day...but I also really am so sad about the place my heart and my spirit is in.

I was thinking about this issue the other night and had a pretty significant realization...which I am chalking up to the voice of God. Pretty simple truth that hit me like a ton of bricks. God is my daily bread. His word, his spirit, the refreshing and filling of my spirit is a DAILY thing. I ate breakfast yesterday...but that doesn't mean i don't need to eat breakfast again today. I need to eat and drink from God daily if I hope to be sustained by the life He offers. You don't come to the well once, but over and over again. My spiritual life is a daily bread kind of thing. We can skip a meal, sometimes go a whole day, in extreme cases our bodies can SURVIVE (but not thrive) without food and water. But we need to eat and drink every day to be at our best...to be nourished and have energy. I am not sure why I keep forgetting that God's word and His life is DAILY BREAD.

I want to take and eat every day knowing that to THRIVE I need to be going to HIM for nourishment. Stop skipping meals with the Lord and have my Daily Bread.