I worry

there...I've said it. I worry. I layed awake last night and worried. About various things. I worry about money. I worry about being "poor" for the rest of my life. I worry about my checking account. I worry about the fact that in the nearly 7 years since i graduated from college I have had 8 jobs with 5 different companies and lived at 9 different addresses. I worry that I will never be "settled". I worry that if I ever do get "settled" I will be bored. I worry that I will never get married. I worry that I will. I worry that my friends will forget about me. i worry that I will forget about them. I worry that I don't pray enough. I worry that I am missing something critical in my spiritual life. I worry about my sin issues. I worry about my self-absorption. i worry about my job. I worry about my parents. I worry about letting people down. Last night was just an exceptionally vivid night of worry. I couldn't stop. My mind turned over and over and over on a million things. I tried to read. I tried to pray. I tried to sleep. But I just flipped over and over in my bed.

Now...I know I am not SUPPOSED to worry. I kept telling myself that God is bigger than my small worries that he has promised to take care of me and all my needs. And at some level I believe that...or at least i think i do. Why is it so hard to get that kind of information from your head to your heart to your soul? Ask me if I believe that God is bigger than my worries and I will say "absolutely" then I lay awake all night and worry. There are so many truths like that...that I KNOW at an intellectual level but that haven't filtered down into my heart. and maybe it was just a bad night...I don't normally stay awake and worry. But it made me think about how there are so many things I know but don't really KNOW. How do you get there? really?