I should probably say something here about the fact that i haven't updated this blog in forever. But such is life, y'all know I get lazy or bored or distracted or kidnaped my aliens or whatever the latest excuse is. I was pleasantly surprised while I was home to hear how many of you are reading this blog. i really thought no one was paying attention...so I pouted and stopped writing. But now that i know I have a few of you I will be more motivated.
Being back in the states was really good. I had so much fun seeing friends and family and eating foods I love and driving a car again. I didn't think much about life here in Slovakia or what it would be like when I returned. I was just enjoying my time in the good old US of A. I did see that "home" is a fluid concept. We all think of different things when we hear that word. Home is where your heart is...you can't go home again...this is my home away from home etc. Some people define home as where their stuff is, or where someone they love is. For some people it's anywhere mom or dad is. some people never feel "home". Some of us believer that this earth is definitely not our home, and that we will only really be HOME when this whole thing ends and we are reunited with the Father who made us and prepared an eternal home for us. When I am in Slovakia there are things I miss about my American home...and vice versa. My friend Paige calls it "a permanent homesickness" which makes sense. i think that no matter where I am from here on out I will always be missing some place or some people. Thinking that I will never be without this sense of "missing" is kind of depressing. But in a way it reminds me that I really am living in a temporary home right now...in the Old Testament it's referred to as a tent. Right now I live in a tent and I can dress it up and buy lots of cool stuff from IKEA and hang photos on the wall but so matter where it is...it isn't REALLY home. See, home is where my creator lives. Home is where the Lord is. And at some point I get to leave the tent and head for the mansion God has prepared for me. I don't really get that or understand how it works of what it looks like exactly. But to know that at some point the homesickness will leave permanently. What a concept.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
the same...only different
It's funny...but some things don't really change. In Atlanta I complained about spending 2 hours in the car every day. In Slovakia I complain about walking 2 hours a day in the snow. In Atlanta during Christmas I was irritated and depressed about being rushed and having to deal with all the holiday busyness. In Slovakia I am irritated and depressed that it doesn't feel like Christmas and my busyness has nothing to do with the holiday season. What I am trying to say here is that there are times where I know my attitude about things hasn't changed in the slightest in my year here. That whole "be thankful in everything" is hard to do sitting in traffic every single day on my way to work and it's hard to do walking half an hour in the snow every single day on my way to work. It's hard when I am so overwhelmed with all the people around me, and when I am so lonely I feel like I am the only one in the world. Which really is kind of the point in a lot of this...being able to be thankful regardless of circumstances. There are always circumstances that aren't fun, or aren't what we want or what we expect but it's how we respond during those circumstances that tell us who we really are.
so anyway, just some thoughts on this random wednesday night. I had kind of a crummy day...one of those where if something could go wrong it did (couldn't get the printer to work in the office...took the wrong bus and wasted an hour etc. etc.). and I am really missing home this holiday season. it's the first time in a really long time that I am homesick which makes me cranky.
more to come I am sure
so anyway, just some thoughts on this random wednesday night. I had kind of a crummy day...one of those where if something could go wrong it did (couldn't get the printer to work in the office...took the wrong bus and wasted an hour etc. etc.). and I am really missing home this holiday season. it's the first time in a really long time that I am homesick which makes me cranky.
more to come I am sure
Friday, November 11, 2005
Come closer
I was traveling this week and took this photo from the Charles Bridge in Prague. I thought it was beautiful and tragic all at the same time. So often I forget about this image. Forget the sacrifice, forget the blood shed and the reasons why, forget the necessity of it all, forget the intensity and power of the Cross of Christ. I pursue a life of "Christless leisure" which to be honest, is just easier sometimes.
I am hesitant to post one more entry about letting the busyness of life crowd out the truly important things. And embrassed to be in that place yet again. Embarassed to have to confess again that my prayers are shallow, my flesh weak, and my spirit drained. My mind has been set on wordly things, things that pass away as opposed to things that are eternal. And where my mind goes so goes my heart.
I want to draw closer to God, to His heart, to His Spirit, to His will. But I think first I have to draw close to the Cross. "He who knows me knows the Father"
I am hesitant to post one more entry about letting the busyness of life crowd out the truly important things. And embrassed to be in that place yet again. Embarassed to have to confess again that my prayers are shallow, my flesh weak, and my spirit drained. My mind has been set on wordly things, things that pass away as opposed to things that are eternal. And where my mind goes so goes my heart.
I want to draw closer to God, to His heart, to His Spirit, to His will. But I think first I have to draw close to the Cross. "He who knows me knows the Father"
Sunday, September 11, 2005
Lessons Learned
Often people ask me, "What's it like to live over there?" or "Man, that must be a neat experience" or "why the #$%& would you want to move so far away?" and other such things. A lot of time my response is something lame, and unthought out like "it's been a really great opportunity" or "I am learning so much" and I leave it at that. Occasionally people ask what I am learning. It's a good question...and i have these experiences and say to myself "well, that is a lesson learned". So in the interest of reminding myself and telling all my adoring fans here is a brief run down of lessons learned...some serious, some funny, some that will apply only to me, some that you may disagree with...but all lessons learned (some have to be learned multiple times unfortunately).
1) I am a big fan of personal space...not getting it makes me really cranky
2) On a related note...it is possible to be touching/to be being touched by at least 6 different people on the bus at one time.
3) The train station in Poprad DOES NOT tell you what track number your train will be on if it is track 1 or 2, so pay attention
4) Letters and packages from home are really special
5) I have really great people in my life
6) Coffee is addictive
7) God is very real
8) The bottom line: Love God, Love Other People. End of story.
9) If the milk smells bad, it probably is
10) I hate cabbage
11) If a student teaches you a new Slovak word, then tells you to go say it to someone else, it's probably crude
12) I am completely self-absorbed
13) Suffering is not a bad thing...you learn more in times of hardship than ever in your life
14) A prayerful life is cultivated when you run out of options, patience is learned from situations that try your patience, and humility is learned through humiliation...be careful what you pray for.
15) If you nod and smile people will think you understand what they are saying.
16) When in doubt you can respond with the words probably or maybe.
17) Plants die if you don't water them
18) Love
19) It is possible to not share DNA with people but to still consider then family
20) Life is really really really short...every moment is an opportunity.
1) I am a big fan of personal space...not getting it makes me really cranky
2) On a related note...it is possible to be touching/to be being touched by at least 6 different people on the bus at one time.
3) The train station in Poprad DOES NOT tell you what track number your train will be on if it is track 1 or 2, so pay attention
4) Letters and packages from home are really special
5) I have really great people in my life
6) Coffee is addictive
7) God is very real
8) The bottom line: Love God, Love Other People. End of story.
9) If the milk smells bad, it probably is
10) I hate cabbage
11) If a student teaches you a new Slovak word, then tells you to go say it to someone else, it's probably crude
12) I am completely self-absorbed
13) Suffering is not a bad thing...you learn more in times of hardship than ever in your life
14) A prayerful life is cultivated when you run out of options, patience is learned from situations that try your patience, and humility is learned through humiliation...be careful what you pray for.
15) If you nod and smile people will think you understand what they are saying.
16) When in doubt you can respond with the words probably or maybe.
17) Plants die if you don't water them
18) Love
19) It is possible to not share DNA with people but to still consider then family
20) Life is really really really short...every moment is an opportunity.
What to blog
Hello out there faithful blog checkers. So it's Sunday...I am still in my pjamas and it's 2:15. I am seriously considering making another pot of coffee. So far today I have been working/reading/cleaning/catching up on current events. Had a busy week and will cover some of the highlights...think I will make coffee first. And just a warning...I am feeling very stream of consciousness today so in all likelihood this post may be really long and may not make sense.
Highlights of the weeks:
I played squash again (I have my very own raquet now). I am liking this sport. A lot.
There is a girl named Maja that I have been meeting with at the cafe for several months. She doesn't speak much English at all so we always try to communicate and it's sometimes really awkward and frustrating. She is really cute and sweet and I have just been so frustrated that we can't really talk. This week we met at the cafe. And we talked for about an hour and a half...ALL IN STINKING SLOVAK!!!!!!!!! it was huge. I understood a lot (not all) of what she said and I think I was making myself understood too (which is an even bigger struggle for me). I had a long coversation with someone in Slovak! It amazed me and gave me hope for the future and an even bigger desire to learn Slovak well. I have to admit that my side of the conversation sounded like this..."I was really bad, and sad and not nice. I was very depressed and sad but I not know why. My friend talk to me about God. I went to new kind of church. I told God yes. Now my life is better." but hey, it's a start!
My small group started meeting! There are 4 Slovak girls, me, and my roommate Lee Ann in the group. We are working now to figure out what we will study. The Slovak girls are all believers, students at the University in Presov, and involved in ministry in the city. My hope is that this group will encourage them and help them feel like they can lead a small group of their own soon with high school age girls. I am really excited about this group and about pouring into the girls during this time.
Our follow up to KECY summer, called KECY Klub started last night. We will meet monthly to continue conversations, get students thinking and have fun. The party last night was fun and it was really cool to see some of the students I had not seen since camp. We are tying to start a "small group" thing within KECY Klub. I am trying to figure out what that looks like and how to really express how important it is to live life with other people.
These were just a few of the cool things I got to do this week. So many days I am walking through this city thinking "I cannot believe I get to live this life. I am so blessed by God to do what I do." Not that everyday is some cake walk and I could probably write another blog entry about the lowlights of the week as well. But I don't really want to. Some days life is hard here, but it's hard wherever you are too...life is just like that.
My calendar is quickly filling up for this next week too, language lessons, my first day teaching Conversational English in a high school here, meetings with students, etc. Looking forward to whatever comes my way in the coming days!
Highlights of the weeks:
I played squash again (I have my very own raquet now). I am liking this sport. A lot.
There is a girl named Maja that I have been meeting with at the cafe for several months. She doesn't speak much English at all so we always try to communicate and it's sometimes really awkward and frustrating. She is really cute and sweet and I have just been so frustrated that we can't really talk. This week we met at the cafe. And we talked for about an hour and a half...ALL IN STINKING SLOVAK!!!!!!!!! it was huge. I understood a lot (not all) of what she said and I think I was making myself understood too (which is an even bigger struggle for me). I had a long coversation with someone in Slovak! It amazed me and gave me hope for the future and an even bigger desire to learn Slovak well. I have to admit that my side of the conversation sounded like this..."I was really bad, and sad and not nice. I was very depressed and sad but I not know why. My friend talk to me about God. I went to new kind of church. I told God yes. Now my life is better." but hey, it's a start!
My small group started meeting! There are 4 Slovak girls, me, and my roommate Lee Ann in the group. We are working now to figure out what we will study. The Slovak girls are all believers, students at the University in Presov, and involved in ministry in the city. My hope is that this group will encourage them and help them feel like they can lead a small group of their own soon with high school age girls. I am really excited about this group and about pouring into the girls during this time.
Our follow up to KECY summer, called KECY Klub started last night. We will meet monthly to continue conversations, get students thinking and have fun. The party last night was fun and it was really cool to see some of the students I had not seen since camp. We are tying to start a "small group" thing within KECY Klub. I am trying to figure out what that looks like and how to really express how important it is to live life with other people.
These were just a few of the cool things I got to do this week. So many days I am walking through this city thinking "I cannot believe I get to live this life. I am so blessed by God to do what I do." Not that everyday is some cake walk and I could probably write another blog entry about the lowlights of the week as well. But I don't really want to. Some days life is hard here, but it's hard wherever you are too...life is just like that.
My calendar is quickly filling up for this next week too, language lessons, my first day teaching Conversational English in a high school here, meetings with students, etc. Looking forward to whatever comes my way in the coming days!
Friday, August 26, 2005
KECY Girls
A little belated but I wanted post this picture from KECY this year. The girl on the top row far right is my friend ja-ja (her real name is lenka but there was some problem with her sister pronouncing lenka so anyway it's ja ja). She and I watch movies together (usually at her parents house). And guess what her favorite genre is? That's right...the romantic comedy! So I am getting caught up on all the sappy romantic comedys I have been avoiding for so long!
But I will be teaching English at the high school that most of the girls in this photo go to. I am pretty excited about that and I am really excited to spend more time with them. They are all really cute and fun and sweet and I appreciate that I get to be part of their lives.
Would love prayer for these 6 girls if you are thinking about it!
From bottom row left to right:
Simona, Vladka, Zuzka, Olga, Eva, and Ja-Ja
But I will be teaching English at the high school that most of the girls in this photo go to. I am pretty excited about that and I am really excited to spend more time with them. They are all really cute and fun and sweet and I appreciate that I get to be part of their lives.
Would love prayer for these 6 girls if you are thinking about it!
From bottom row left to right:
Simona, Vladka, Zuzka, Olga, Eva, and Ja-Ja
My friend Magda
I asked my friend Magda to have pizza with me the other day. So we went. Magda is 18, and is a high school student here in Presov. She has been to KECY camp for the last 3 summers and comes to a lot of our Kecy Klub events. She likes hanging out with the people on that team. She doesn't have the same beliefs but still she keeps coming to things. So we had pizza and talked about her trip to a Red Cross camp in Germany and the fact that she and her boyfriend just broke up. After pizza we walked to get ice cream (I need a whole blog posting about the importance of ice cream in this country...seriously) and we walked the city for hours just talking about school, and life and anything else that came to mind. I like spending time with Magda and I am hoping to getting to know her better this year.
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
The trouble with Blogging
Here's the thing, blogging is tougher than it seems. Part of me really wants to be funny, and to post funny pictures and say amusing things. The part of me wants to be serious and post serious things that are in my heart and mind. I feel like all the funny stuff makes me seem shallow, and like I am not actually "working" here and that all the serious stuff makes me sound like someone I am not, or that I am trying too hard to be "spiritual" because that is the expectation of what someone in my "job" ought to be. At this point some of you are saying "you really should be less concerned with what people think of you" and you would be right. But at the same time I want to give an accurate presentation of what life is like here...work, fun, spirituality, ministry, personal stuff etc. I don't have fun all the time here, I don't think spiritual thoughts all the time here, I guess there is no aspect that is constant and a lot like most of you there are good days, bad days, funny moments, sad times, and difficult challenges. I want to post about life and talk about what is happening around me. And I hate that I worry about whether the people reading this will think I am playing too much, working too much, being too self-absorbed, or whatever. There is a really blurry line here between what is work what is play what is ministry and what is personal. It all sort of blends and bleeds and mixes together and then it's midnight and I think "where the heck did the day go?"
spent the last 2 days at a lake on the eastern side of Slovakia. Mike, Lee Ann and I went for a little downtime and to talk about plans for Presov for the next few months. The area we stayed in was kind of a Communist Panama City...if you can picture that. We had a good time though. This week I am going to be studying Slovak like a mad woman...one of these days I am going to whip this language thing!!!
spent the last 2 days at a lake on the eastern side of Slovakia. Mike, Lee Ann and I went for a little downtime and to talk about plans for Presov for the next few months. The area we stayed in was kind of a Communist Panama City...if you can picture that. We had a good time though. This week I am going to be studying Slovak like a mad woman...one of these days I am going to whip this language thing!!!
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Another Campfest moment
We were totally jamming out to a "rap" band one night at campfest. Lee Ann, Bekah and I are really good dancers, and this was one of the few acts in English so you can bet we were singing along at the top of our lungs! Lots of funny moments this week including but not limted to our tent blowing into a a barbed wire fence, realizing we have lost all social skills in our brief time in Slovakia, and learning a new Slovak phrase "you have missed your train and will have to wait for the next one". life continues to be an adventure and I am amazed I get to live it!
Headed to Zilina tomorrow and then on a KECY Klub trip to some place I can't pronounce. More than likely I will end up on a hike I am not prepared for.
be back online consistently on Saturday I think...
and by the way I think I have found my sport today...it's called squash. All the things that make my tennis game terrible (i.e. no control, placement, wanting to kill the ball everytime) make my squash game pretty good. I just crushed that little ball...but I am not 100% sure I understood all the rules so I may have actually lost. But it's a good way to vent some frustrations!
Headed to Zilina tomorrow and then on a KECY Klub trip to some place I can't pronounce. More than likely I will end up on a hike I am not prepared for.
be back online consistently on Saturday I think...
and by the way I think I have found my sport today...it's called squash. All the things that make my tennis game terrible (i.e. no control, placement, wanting to kill the ball everytime) make my squash game pretty good. I just crushed that little ball...but I am not 100% sure I understood all the rules so I may have actually lost. But it's a good way to vent some frustrations!
I went camping!
I did it. I went camping. I can handle camping. I am good for maybe 1 night and 2 days...that's about perfect for me. Campfest was great. there were a ton of people there and it was really fun to be a part of it. It only rained a little and the tent stayed dry...because of the rain I will admit I had a brief flashback to Passion 03...shudder. It was really cold at night, hence the cool hat in this photo that my roommate Lee Ann and I took while in our tent late one evening. But I gotta tell you, a hot shower and comfy bed win my vote every time.
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
camping trip
Ok kids,
today I am heading out for a 4 day camping trip. I know you are saying, "I didn't even know you liked camping!" and you are right I don't. But we are going to this huge Worship Festival called Campfest which is probably the biggest ministry related event in all of Slovakia for the year. So we are going. Ah yes...the great outdoors. and me. in a tent. without a shower. for 4 days. awesome.
all kidding aside I am looking forward to hanging out with some of my students who are there and connecting with them. they are all really excited about the weekend and it will be great to share it with them.
hope everyone has a good week/weekend...I will be back online Sunday morning!
today I am heading out for a 4 day camping trip. I know you are saying, "I didn't even know you liked camping!" and you are right I don't. But we are going to this huge Worship Festival called Campfest which is probably the biggest ministry related event in all of Slovakia for the year. So we are going. Ah yes...the great outdoors. and me. in a tent. without a shower. for 4 days. awesome.
all kidding aside I am looking forward to hanging out with some of my students who are there and connecting with them. they are all really excited about the weekend and it will be great to share it with them.
hope everyone has a good week/weekend...I will be back online Sunday morning!
Sunday, August 07, 2005
Isaiah 43
Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; when you pass through the rivers they will not sweep over you; and when you pass through the fire you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I give Egypt for your ransom, Cush and Seba in your stead. Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give men in exchange for you, and people in exchange for your life. Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west. I will say to the north, 'Give them up!' and to the south, 'Do not hold them back.' Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth - everyone who is called by my name; whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made. Isaiah 43:1-7
In God's sight, what do I look like? Something in me tells me that in His sight I am unloved, and unworthy, and useless. But the truth is, that in His sight I am precious and honored and loved. God is with me...all the time. I am created by Him, formed and shaped and created...all for HIS glory.
In God's sight, what do I look like? Something in me tells me that in His sight I am unloved, and unworthy, and useless. But the truth is, that in His sight I am precious and honored and loved. God is with me...all the time. I am created by Him, formed and shaped and created...all for HIS glory.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Insanely good book
I am reading a book called The Signature of Jesus by Bennan Manning. He is pretty radical and edgy and intense but he also has some incredible stuff to say about the reality of "the Christian life" the American Dream, and what being a disciple of Jesus really means. I urge you to pick up the book but be prepared to read some tough stuff. it's really challenging but so honest.
some excepts...
"The greatest need for our time is for the church to become what is has seldom been: the body of Christ with its face to the world, loving others regardless of religion or culture, pouring itself out in a life of service, offering hope to a frightened world, and presenting itself as a real alternative to the existing arrangement"
"Only the one who has experienced is can know what the love of Jesus Christ is. Once you have experienced it, nothing else in the world will seem more beautiful or desirable"
"If indeed we lived a life in imitation of his, our witness would be irresistable. If we dared to live beyond our self-concern; if we refused to shrink from being vulnerable; if we took nothing but a compassionate attitude toward the world; if we were a counterculture to our nation's lunatic list for pride of place, power, and posessions; if we preferred to be faithful rather than successful, the walls of indifference to Jesus Christ would crumble. A handful of us could be ignored by society, but hundreds, thousands, millions of such servants would overwhelm the world. Christians filled with the authenticity, commitment, and generosity of Jesus would be the most spectacular sign in the history of the human race. The call of Jesus is revolutionary. If we implemented it, we would change the world in a few months."
"Simplicity, purity, and obedience to the Word will leave us weak and powerless in the world's eyes because we no longer can call upon our possessions and privileged positions as security. We will be subject to derision and outrage becaue authentic discipleship is a life of sublime madness."
I am chewing on a lot of this stuff. Knowing that I am far from living life in some of these ways, but desiring to be closer to God. He makes some really interesting and radical points that are making me think today.
some excepts...
"The greatest need for our time is for the church to become what is has seldom been: the body of Christ with its face to the world, loving others regardless of religion or culture, pouring itself out in a life of service, offering hope to a frightened world, and presenting itself as a real alternative to the existing arrangement"
"Only the one who has experienced is can know what the love of Jesus Christ is. Once you have experienced it, nothing else in the world will seem more beautiful or desirable"
"If indeed we lived a life in imitation of his, our witness would be irresistable. If we dared to live beyond our self-concern; if we refused to shrink from being vulnerable; if we took nothing but a compassionate attitude toward the world; if we were a counterculture to our nation's lunatic list for pride of place, power, and posessions; if we preferred to be faithful rather than successful, the walls of indifference to Jesus Christ would crumble. A handful of us could be ignored by society, but hundreds, thousands, millions of such servants would overwhelm the world. Christians filled with the authenticity, commitment, and generosity of Jesus would be the most spectacular sign in the history of the human race. The call of Jesus is revolutionary. If we implemented it, we would change the world in a few months."
"Simplicity, purity, and obedience to the Word will leave us weak and powerless in the world's eyes because we no longer can call upon our possessions and privileged positions as security. We will be subject to derision and outrage becaue authentic discipleship is a life of sublime madness."
I am chewing on a lot of this stuff. Knowing that I am far from living life in some of these ways, but desiring to be closer to God. He makes some really interesting and radical points that are making me think today.
preach it piper
My friend Abbie sent me something this morning from John Piper that totally hit the nail on the head for me...
Jesus Christ is refreshing, but flight from him into Christless leisure makes the soul parched. At first it may feel like freedom and fun to skimp on prayer, and neglect the Word. But then we pay: shallowness, powerlessness, vulnerability to sin, preoccupation with trifles, superficial relationships, and a frightening loss of interest in worship and the things of the Spirit.
Not only can I totally identify with this but I am also really scared by it. Scared by how easily I let it happen knowing full well what the outcome would be. Disappointed in myself for falling for the lie that it wouldn't happen or that I could fight it or that it would be no big deal. One of the lessons I am learning here is that my job is to pour into and serve others. To pour into some of these girls who are fighting to keep faith the priority in their lives, and who are struggling against a culture of "church" where the word "relevance" isn't even on the radar. I want to encourage them to persevere, to keep fighting the good fight, to press on towards the goal of knowing Christ and making him known. I also want to pour into the girls I know who are not interested in God in the slightest. Girls who are looking at everything in the world to make them happy and slowly finding every option meaningless. To be their friend, to love them the way God loves them and to know that my own value lies in Christ.
But NONE of that is possible unless God gives it to me. I cannot pour out something that hasn't first been poured into me. i cannot love with the love of God unless I have experienced it myself. I cannot encourage others to live a life I cannot live myself. I cannot preach something I am not willing to practice myself. My summer of "Christless leisure" is making my job more difficult here but the beauty is that I see it and that God has offered to walk me through the drought and back into a refreshment that is found in Christ alone. I can do nothing apart from God who is the SOURCE of all comfort, strength, forgiveness, blessing, mercy and love. All my efforts to do things in my own strength are bound to fail.
Jesus Christ is refreshing, but flight from him into Christless leisure makes the soul parched. At first it may feel like freedom and fun to skimp on prayer, and neglect the Word. But then we pay: shallowness, powerlessness, vulnerability to sin, preoccupation with trifles, superficial relationships, and a frightening loss of interest in worship and the things of the Spirit.
Not only can I totally identify with this but I am also really scared by it. Scared by how easily I let it happen knowing full well what the outcome would be. Disappointed in myself for falling for the lie that it wouldn't happen or that I could fight it or that it would be no big deal. One of the lessons I am learning here is that my job is to pour into and serve others. To pour into some of these girls who are fighting to keep faith the priority in their lives, and who are struggling against a culture of "church" where the word "relevance" isn't even on the radar. I want to encourage them to persevere, to keep fighting the good fight, to press on towards the goal of knowing Christ and making him known. I also want to pour into the girls I know who are not interested in God in the slightest. Girls who are looking at everything in the world to make them happy and slowly finding every option meaningless. To be their friend, to love them the way God loves them and to know that my own value lies in Christ.
But NONE of that is possible unless God gives it to me. I cannot pour out something that hasn't first been poured into me. i cannot love with the love of God unless I have experienced it myself. I cannot encourage others to live a life I cannot live myself. I cannot preach something I am not willing to practice myself. My summer of "Christless leisure" is making my job more difficult here but the beauty is that I see it and that God has offered to walk me through the drought and back into a refreshment that is found in Christ alone. I can do nothing apart from God who is the SOURCE of all comfort, strength, forgiveness, blessing, mercy and love. All my efforts to do things in my own strength are bound to fail.
rainy day post
it's raining today, which i am ok with. i have spent the last few days mostly in my flat. cleaning, organizing, doing expense reports, catching up on emails, and trying to order my life a bit. also trying to "come down" from the summer and organize the thoughts in my head as much as the files in my nightstand. journal entries that look like an e.e. cummings poem and sound like ramblings from...well, someone who would ramble a lot . thoughts are all over the place and I am having trouble pinning them down. looks a bit like that scene in Karate Kid where Mr. Myagi taught Ralph Machio how to catch flies with chopsticks. I am just plucking things out of thin air these days.
Have been reading some good stuff today...helping me identify this apathy/slump/funk I am in right now. And some other things that are just plain amazing. Will post some of that stuff here too. Thankful for a few days to breathe after camp and living from a backpack for weeks. Thankful for those of you I have actually been able to talk to in the last few days. Hearing the voices of friends and family is more refreshing than I ever realized and God has been so good to bless me with the people in my life.
Our KECY team here has been working so hard to follow up with students from KECY (I also will post some things about KECY and Serbia). Tomorrow we are planning a movie night to spend time with students and Saturday we will travel to "Slovak Paradise" which i have heard a ton about but haven't visited yet. Should be a good day outside and I am looking forward to talking with some of the students I connected with at camp.
Have been reading some good stuff today...helping me identify this apathy/slump/funk I am in right now. And some other things that are just plain amazing. Will post some of that stuff here too. Thankful for a few days to breathe after camp and living from a backpack for weeks. Thankful for those of you I have actually been able to talk to in the last few days. Hearing the voices of friends and family is more refreshing than I ever realized and God has been so good to bless me with the people in my life.
Our KECY team here has been working so hard to follow up with students from KECY (I also will post some things about KECY and Serbia). Tomorrow we are planning a movie night to spend time with students and Saturday we will travel to "Slovak Paradise" which i have heard a ton about but haven't visited yet. Should be a good day outside and I am looking forward to talking with some of the students I connected with at camp.
Monday, August 01, 2005
my wound
as you can see from the photo I was injured this summer. a little "alpine slide" incident where i skidded down an aluminum track at Mach 5 mainly on my elbow. super fun for a moment then I realized that a chunk of skin was missing. it hurt and it took forever to heal and it got all gross and finally scabbed over and Josh (one of the interns) yelled at me whenever I tried to pick at the scab.
I now have a cool scar though, and it actually is in the shape of Slovakia which is a cool memory. it wouldn't be a good summer unless someone got a scar from it. happy to take one for the team.
I now have a cool scar though, and it actually is in the shape of Slovakia which is a cool memory. it wouldn't be a good summer unless someone got a scar from it. happy to take one for the team.
Roomies
See, I do go hiking! These are my 2 roommates...Melissa is the one in the black and she was here for the summer. Lee Ann is still here living with me and will be working with students in a village near Presov. Don't we look all cute and woodsy? This was a beautiful hike in the Tatra Mountains. Actually it was more of a leisurely walk with a break for lunch but honestly I prefer it that way.
One of the absolute greatest things about living over here is the fact that slovakia is so beautiful. The mountains and the green of everything and the sunflower fields that are everywhere right now. I love walking around and just being blown away by God's creation. I know it's a little cliche but it's a beautiful thing.
One of the absolute greatest things about living over here is the fact that slovakia is so beautiful. The mountains and the green of everything and the sunflower fields that are everywhere right now. I love walking around and just being blown away by God's creation. I know it's a little cliche but it's a beautiful thing.
back in the saddle again
hey...remember me? c'mon, you remember me don't you? I am that girl that moved to Slovakia and used to have this blog that I posted stuff on and then I disappeared for like a month. Yeah! I am back!
ok, for real though. Things have been wild and crazy and I am attempting to recover. Going to try and condense things and will send out a long email about the summer for those of you who love my wit and charm (you know who you are wink wink nudge nudge).
life will now return to "normal" for me. back to language lessons, working in the cafe, tutoring in English, and utilizing my patented nod and smile technique so people don't know I have no idea what they are saying.
summer was amazing and challenging and humbling and everything in between. having interns here was a blast (I really miss having them here). KECY was good, but it was different being on the "other" side of things this year and not being with the North Point camp. Serbia was a new and pioneering endeavor that was a huge honor to be a part of. my new roomie Lee Ann and I are in a "nesting" phase right now. lots of cleaning and organizing and laundry and watching movies.
priority one in the near future is to try and process the summer and try to get my spiritual life into a somewhat less cruddy state. as my natural bend I absolutely let busyness and task stuff crowd out my reading/studying/praying/doing anything remotely spiritual. finding myself a bit apathetic and tired these days feeling like I need to dig myself out of a spiritual hole. no fun.
had some "technical difficulties" lately that I really think are more of a spiritual warefare thing than I am willing to admit. airlines lost the new printer I was having brought from the states, iPod crashed and it has to go back to the states, billing issues with my internet provider, critical issues setting up wireless here in my flat which led to me swearing, sweating, locking myself out of my own network with a security setting and finally punching a wall before the afternoon ended. awesome. am easily frustrated these days when things get to be much more difficult than they need to be.
anyone read this deal any more of have I lost you all? promise to do better friends. love and miss y'all like crazy.
ok, for real though. Things have been wild and crazy and I am attempting to recover. Going to try and condense things and will send out a long email about the summer for those of you who love my wit and charm (you know who you are wink wink nudge nudge).
life will now return to "normal" for me. back to language lessons, working in the cafe, tutoring in English, and utilizing my patented nod and smile technique so people don't know I have no idea what they are saying.
summer was amazing and challenging and humbling and everything in between. having interns here was a blast (I really miss having them here). KECY was good, but it was different being on the "other" side of things this year and not being with the North Point camp. Serbia was a new and pioneering endeavor that was a huge honor to be a part of. my new roomie Lee Ann and I are in a "nesting" phase right now. lots of cleaning and organizing and laundry and watching movies.
priority one in the near future is to try and process the summer and try to get my spiritual life into a somewhat less cruddy state. as my natural bend I absolutely let busyness and task stuff crowd out my reading/studying/praying/doing anything remotely spiritual. finding myself a bit apathetic and tired these days feeling like I need to dig myself out of a spiritual hole. no fun.
had some "technical difficulties" lately that I really think are more of a spiritual warefare thing than I am willing to admit. airlines lost the new printer I was having brought from the states, iPod crashed and it has to go back to the states, billing issues with my internet provider, critical issues setting up wireless here in my flat which led to me swearing, sweating, locking myself out of my own network with a security setting and finally punching a wall before the afternoon ended. awesome. am easily frustrated these days when things get to be much more difficult than they need to be.
anyone read this deal any more of have I lost you all? promise to do better friends. love and miss y'all like crazy.
Sunday, June 26, 2005
Interns are freaky
this is the Slovakia Summer Intern team. These are not their normal outfits. We asked Robbie not to wear the bike shorts in public ever again. Interns are fun because you can make them dress up all silly and dance in front of large crowds of people. don't you wish you could be an intern here with us.
Daily Bread
I'll be real honest...my spiritual life hasn't been too great these days. As is my normal bend I have let the "urgent", task oriented details of life get the better of me and push the spiritual life right out of me. But the more honest truth is that I tend to use that as an excuse. I look for reasons to let these things crowd out my walk with God. Partially because it's a whole lot easier for me to work on an excel spreadsheet, fire out 25 emails, and organize meeting notes than it is for me to sit down and pour my heart out to God. I am not this helpful, giving, sacrificial person...I am just choosing what comes more easily and naturally to me. I can blame it on my "wiring" as being High C (or a Beaver depending on which personality profile you look at), but at the end of the day I usually choose everything else on planet earth over time with God.
So I cycle through...I enter a phase of really enjoying reading God's word, trying to connect, knowing He is near...then I take a little break and think "I'll be fine...it's just a few days off, let's not get legalistic about the whole thing". Then a few days turns in to a few weeks and I haven't prayed or thought about God or really cared about anything other than myself in quite some time. Which pulls me into frustration, self-loathing, and a general "not-niceness" that creates more frustration, self-loathing etc.
Currently I am pretty deep in that phase. Camp is right around the corner. The "big dance" of my time in Slovakia. Finally I have a captive audience and a safe, honest place to share the truth about who God is, what he has done in my life, what he promises to do in all of our lives. Part of me cries out to have students see a life transformed by the radical truth of Jesus Christ! But as i head to camp in 3 days I am tired, drained, disconnected from the Father and not at all a radically changed being. How can I share about Jesus when I have been so far from him myself. How can I tell students the NECESSITY of a life lived in Christ, by Christ, for Christ when I am failing so miserably to live that out myself. I can't fix this issue in a day...but I also really am so sad about the place my heart and my spirit is in.
I was thinking about this issue the other night and had a pretty significant realization...which I am chalking up to the voice of God. Pretty simple truth that hit me like a ton of bricks. God is my daily bread. His word, his spirit, the refreshing and filling of my spirit is a DAILY thing. I ate breakfast yesterday...but that doesn't mean i don't need to eat breakfast again today. I need to eat and drink from God daily if I hope to be sustained by the life He offers. You don't come to the well once, but over and over again. My spiritual life is a daily bread kind of thing. We can skip a meal, sometimes go a whole day, in extreme cases our bodies can SURVIVE (but not thrive) without food and water. But we need to eat and drink every day to be at our best...to be nourished and have energy. I am not sure why I keep forgetting that God's word and His life is DAILY BREAD.
I want to take and eat every day knowing that to THRIVE I need to be going to HIM for nourishment. Stop skipping meals with the Lord and have my Daily Bread.
So I cycle through...I enter a phase of really enjoying reading God's word, trying to connect, knowing He is near...then I take a little break and think "I'll be fine...it's just a few days off, let's not get legalistic about the whole thing". Then a few days turns in to a few weeks and I haven't prayed or thought about God or really cared about anything other than myself in quite some time. Which pulls me into frustration, self-loathing, and a general "not-niceness" that creates more frustration, self-loathing etc.
Currently I am pretty deep in that phase. Camp is right around the corner. The "big dance" of my time in Slovakia. Finally I have a captive audience and a safe, honest place to share the truth about who God is, what he has done in my life, what he promises to do in all of our lives. Part of me cries out to have students see a life transformed by the radical truth of Jesus Christ! But as i head to camp in 3 days I am tired, drained, disconnected from the Father and not at all a radically changed being. How can I share about Jesus when I have been so far from him myself. How can I tell students the NECESSITY of a life lived in Christ, by Christ, for Christ when I am failing so miserably to live that out myself. I can't fix this issue in a day...but I also really am so sad about the place my heart and my spirit is in.
I was thinking about this issue the other night and had a pretty significant realization...which I am chalking up to the voice of God. Pretty simple truth that hit me like a ton of bricks. God is my daily bread. His word, his spirit, the refreshing and filling of my spirit is a DAILY thing. I ate breakfast yesterday...but that doesn't mean i don't need to eat breakfast again today. I need to eat and drink from God daily if I hope to be sustained by the life He offers. You don't come to the well once, but over and over again. My spiritual life is a daily bread kind of thing. We can skip a meal, sometimes go a whole day, in extreme cases our bodies can SURVIVE (but not thrive) without food and water. But we need to eat and drink every day to be at our best...to be nourished and have energy. I am not sure why I keep forgetting that God's word and His life is DAILY BREAD.
I want to take and eat every day knowing that to THRIVE I need to be going to HIM for nourishment. Stop skipping meals with the Lord and have my Daily Bread.
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