Happy Anniversary to Me!

Today is my one year anniversary in Slovakia. I cannot believe it's been a year. I want to take some time this week and get away to think about what the last year has taught me. To think about the things that are different and the things that are the same. I may be surprised at both. I can tell you I don't regret being here for one moment. Never, at any point in the last 365 days have I thought that being in Slovakia was a bad decision. Well, actually there was my 1st night in my new apartment all by myself that I had a bit of a meltdown...but other than that one night there have been no regrets. I think back to how utterly terrified I was to leave my familiar world. Looking back it seems a little silly now that i was that apprehensive but it's good for me to remember that fear. It helps me remember how sovereign God is, and how He keeps his promises, and how he provides for our needs (even when we aren't sure what we need). I am going to include at the bottom here a journal entry from February 2005...I re-read it this morning and smiled at myself. I kinda wished I could go back in time to tell myself..."chill out. it's really going to be ok". But that's part of the trust thing with God. And now when God urges me to do something that is scary or out of my comfort zone that requires me to just trust my God...I have an unbelievable example of a time when I trusted in Him and He blew my mind. Enjoy the below post...remember it's from a year ago!

February 9, 2005
4 days…there is such this fluctuation of wanting to leave and wanting to
stay. Mostly it is wanting to stay but it feels a lot like the day I
started college at Furman and I bawled in the back of my dads Buick for an
hour. I don’t like leaving…healthy or unhealthy…better for me or not better
for me…God’s will or not God’s will staying put seems safer and
controllable. My friend Sarah compared it to a roller coaster the other
night and as I thought about that analogy it made more and more sense.

You pay your money, you want to get on, you know it’s going to be a thrill,
people tell you how unforgettable and amazing it will be, and as your turn
approaches your stomach drops lower and lower. You have thoughts like
“maybe I could duck out of line now”, or “am I really sure I want to do
this”. But you stay in line. You are going to be on the next train and
your heart is now in your throat. You try to make light of it…joke a
bit…look around at how unafraid and excited everyone else is and think “I
can do this. People do this sort of thing all the time. Don’t be
ridiculous about it”. So you get in the silly little car. You strap in.
And you think, “what in the world am I doing. This may be a bad idea” But
you certainly can’t hop off now and you tell yourself to calm down. The
train starts…click, click, click, click up an incline you can’t see over the
edge of. You find yourself higher and higher in the air, at a more
ridiculous angle than you anticipated. Sweaty palmed you hang on for dear
life, pray for it to end soon, and think about faking a seizure or something
just so they’ll let you off. Click, click, click…how high are we going to
go anyway? Hang on…tell yourself everything is going to be ok and swear to
God you’ll never ride another one of these %$#@ things again.

That is where I am right now. I am click, click, clicking my way to the top
of a very scary, very unfamiliar roller coaster. I have no idea what is
going to happen when I plunge over that edge in 4 days. There are some
major differences though between the roller coaster experience above and the
situation in which I now find myself. The main difference being that I can
be completely confident in the designer, creator, owner, and operator of my
particular ride. Instead of a terrifying “carnie” who hasn’t seen a
toothbrush in weeks, the operator of all these switches and levers is
totally trustworthy, loves me beyond measure and has promised me that he has
my best interests at heart (For I know the plans I have for you, plans to
prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11).

I may have no idea where this ride will go, but my God, who designed it,
built it, runs it, and strapped me securely into my seat knows perfectly.
Because He is good and trustworthy I have nothing to fear…and because my
desire is that the purpose of my life will be to make His name Famous I will
stay on this crazy train.