It's still cold here. I am really looking forward to warmer temperatures and sunny skies. with tomorrow being the 1st day of March I expect we will have warmer weather soon.
As for me...I have been trying to work and work and work. My new job responsibilites are still exciting but with each meeting I realize how much I have to do, how little I know, and how many things are still undefined. I want to do this job well. i don't want to fail or be uncertain or let people down so I keep praying for God to guide the process and show me what to do next. We are planning camps for the current year and we are also developing a new process and strategy for future camps. There are still many unanswered questions and many decisions to make about the best options and next steps for us.
On a personal note...I am trying to think of something entertaining or clever or some story and I am totally drawing a blank. That will be my goal for the week though...a funny story or embarassing international incident.
We have been watching the olympics a lot here. Slovakia won it's first winter olympic medal this year which was great. They got a silver medal in Snowboarding. We had to endure Slovakia losing to Czech Republic in hockey...it's kind of like Florida and Tennessee a few years ago...no matter how good Tennessee was Florida always psyched them out.
On my way now to track down a little lunch and then will be back to work.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Happy Anniversary to Me!
Today is my one year anniversary in Slovakia. I cannot believe it's been a year. I want to take some time this week and get away to think about what the last year has taught me. To think about the things that are different and the things that are the same. I may be surprised at both. I can tell you I don't regret being here for one moment. Never, at any point in the last 365 days have I thought that being in Slovakia was a bad decision. Well, actually there was my 1st night in my new apartment all by myself that I had a bit of a meltdown...but other than that one night there have been no regrets. I think back to how utterly terrified I was to leave my familiar world. Looking back it seems a little silly now that i was that apprehensive but it's good for me to remember that fear. It helps me remember how sovereign God is, and how He keeps his promises, and how he provides for our needs (even when we aren't sure what we need). I am going to include at the bottom here a journal entry from February 2005...I re-read it this morning and smiled at myself. I kinda wished I could go back in time to tell myself..."chill out. it's really going to be ok". But that's part of the trust thing with God. And now when God urges me to do something that is scary or out of my comfort zone that requires me to just trust my God...I have an unbelievable example of a time when I trusted in Him and He blew my mind. Enjoy the below post...remember it's from a year ago!
February 9, 2005
4 days…there is such this fluctuation of wanting to leave and wanting to
stay. Mostly it is wanting to stay but it feels a lot like the day I
started college at Furman and I bawled in the back of my dads Buick for an
hour. I don’t like leaving…healthy or unhealthy…better for me or not better
for me…God’s will or not God’s will staying put seems safer and
controllable. My friend Sarah compared it to a roller coaster the other
night and as I thought about that analogy it made more and more sense.
You pay your money, you want to get on, you know it’s going to be a thrill,
people tell you how unforgettable and amazing it will be, and as your turn
approaches your stomach drops lower and lower. You have thoughts like
“maybe I could duck out of line now”, or “am I really sure I want to do
this”. But you stay in line. You are going to be on the next train and
your heart is now in your throat. You try to make light of it…joke a
bit…look around at how unafraid and excited everyone else is and think “I
can do this. People do this sort of thing all the time. Don’t be
ridiculous about it”. So you get in the silly little car. You strap in.
And you think, “what in the world am I doing. This may be a bad idea” But
you certainly can’t hop off now and you tell yourself to calm down. The
train starts…click, click, click, click up an incline you can’t see over the
edge of. You find yourself higher and higher in the air, at a more
ridiculous angle than you anticipated. Sweaty palmed you hang on for dear
life, pray for it to end soon, and think about faking a seizure or something
just so they’ll let you off. Click, click, click…how high are we going to
go anyway? Hang on…tell yourself everything is going to be ok and swear to
God you’ll never ride another one of these %$#@ things again.
That is where I am right now. I am click, click, clicking my way to the top
of a very scary, very unfamiliar roller coaster. I have no idea what is
going to happen when I plunge over that edge in 4 days. There are some
major differences though between the roller coaster experience above and the
situation in which I now find myself. The main difference being that I can
be completely confident in the designer, creator, owner, and operator of my
particular ride. Instead of a terrifying “carnie” who hasn’t seen a
toothbrush in weeks, the operator of all these switches and levers is
totally trustworthy, loves me beyond measure and has promised me that he has
my best interests at heart (For I know the plans I have for you, plans to
prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11).
I may have no idea where this ride will go, but my God, who designed it,
built it, runs it, and strapped me securely into my seat knows perfectly.
Because He is good and trustworthy I have nothing to fear…and because my
desire is that the purpose of my life will be to make His name Famous I will
stay on this crazy train.
February 9, 2005
4 days…there is such this fluctuation of wanting to leave and wanting to
stay. Mostly it is wanting to stay but it feels a lot like the day I
started college at Furman and I bawled in the back of my dads Buick for an
hour. I don’t like leaving…healthy or unhealthy…better for me or not better
for me…God’s will or not God’s will staying put seems safer and
controllable. My friend Sarah compared it to a roller coaster the other
night and as I thought about that analogy it made more and more sense.
You pay your money, you want to get on, you know it’s going to be a thrill,
people tell you how unforgettable and amazing it will be, and as your turn
approaches your stomach drops lower and lower. You have thoughts like
“maybe I could duck out of line now”, or “am I really sure I want to do
this”. But you stay in line. You are going to be on the next train and
your heart is now in your throat. You try to make light of it…joke a
bit…look around at how unafraid and excited everyone else is and think “I
can do this. People do this sort of thing all the time. Don’t be
ridiculous about it”. So you get in the silly little car. You strap in.
And you think, “what in the world am I doing. This may be a bad idea” But
you certainly can’t hop off now and you tell yourself to calm down. The
train starts…click, click, click, click up an incline you can’t see over the
edge of. You find yourself higher and higher in the air, at a more
ridiculous angle than you anticipated. Sweaty palmed you hang on for dear
life, pray for it to end soon, and think about faking a seizure or something
just so they’ll let you off. Click, click, click…how high are we going to
go anyway? Hang on…tell yourself everything is going to be ok and swear to
God you’ll never ride another one of these %$#@ things again.
That is where I am right now. I am click, click, clicking my way to the top
of a very scary, very unfamiliar roller coaster. I have no idea what is
going to happen when I plunge over that edge in 4 days. There are some
major differences though between the roller coaster experience above and the
situation in which I now find myself. The main difference being that I can
be completely confident in the designer, creator, owner, and operator of my
particular ride. Instead of a terrifying “carnie” who hasn’t seen a
toothbrush in weeks, the operator of all these switches and levers is
totally trustworthy, loves me beyond measure and has promised me that he has
my best interests at heart (For I know the plans I have for you, plans to
prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11).
I may have no idea where this ride will go, but my God, who designed it,
built it, runs it, and strapped me securely into my seat knows perfectly.
Because He is good and trustworthy I have nothing to fear…and because my
desire is that the purpose of my life will be to make His name Famous I will
stay on this crazy train.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
it's freaking freezing here
I just gotta tell y'all. It's freaking freezing here! I am talking when I walked home last night it was 1 degree out. 1 degree!!! C'mon people that's cold.
Pretty low key around here these days. Just been working and trying to get my apartment increasingly livable. I keep reminding myself that each day that passes I am one day closer to Spring. The snow is beautiful especially since I have never really lived in a cold weather climate. It's so cool so walk around the city all bundled up (I look like that kid from A Christmas Story that can't put his arms down because of his snow suit) and watch the snow fall and hear it crunching under my feet.
I have been working on things for the camps this summer and trying to figure out exactly what I am supposed to be doing in this new job :) I continue to pray for wisdom and grace as we all work through our new roles and figure out the important things for our various projects. Thankful for my team and for the wise people around me.
We are all praying for the status of things within our new church community. We have had some "upheaval" as of late and with this comes confusion, hurt feelings, and uncertainty about the future. God's doing some significant things in this city and the enemy isn't interested in seeing those things happen. If you think about it, please pray for our church and the leadership. We all want to make God famous in this city and pray that He would show us the best way to do that.
Pretty low key around here these days. Just been working and trying to get my apartment increasingly livable. I keep reminding myself that each day that passes I am one day closer to Spring. The snow is beautiful especially since I have never really lived in a cold weather climate. It's so cool so walk around the city all bundled up (I look like that kid from A Christmas Story that can't put his arms down because of his snow suit) and watch the snow fall and hear it crunching under my feet.
I have been working on things for the camps this summer and trying to figure out exactly what I am supposed to be doing in this new job :) I continue to pray for wisdom and grace as we all work through our new roles and figure out the important things for our various projects. Thankful for my team and for the wise people around me.
We are all praying for the status of things within our new church community. We have had some "upheaval" as of late and with this comes confusion, hurt feelings, and uncertainty about the future. God's doing some significant things in this city and the enemy isn't interested in seeing those things happen. If you think about it, please pray for our church and the leadership. We all want to make God famous in this city and pray that He would show us the best way to do that.
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Me and Santa
For those of you concerned with my "sin nature" here you go. Now I realize Santa and I are from different backgrounds and there is a wide age gap...but who are you to judge! He's totally into me..can't you see it in his eyes? I think we make a lovely couple. And he's pretty much a hottie.
Slovak Girls!
These are the 10 Slovak girls that came to the states this January for Passion. We had such a great time and it was pretty funny being the "native" for once. We forced them to eat huge portions of high fat foods and drove everywhere in large vehicles. It was so American. PS-free refils should be a national mandate
SK friends
I really just wanted to put some recent pictures up. This is from my recent trip to the states. Lee Ann, Melanie, Zuzka and me! We had 10 Slovak girls come to the States to attend the Passion 06 conference. it was stinking incredible and God blew our doors off with his provision and so many cool things that happened.
I worry
there...I've said it. I worry. I layed awake last night and worried. About various things. I worry about money. I worry about being "poor" for the rest of my life. I worry about my checking account. I worry about the fact that in the nearly 7 years since i graduated from college I have had 8 jobs with 5 different companies and lived at 9 different addresses. I worry that I will never be "settled". I worry that if I ever do get "settled" I will be bored. I worry that I will never get married. I worry that I will. I worry that my friends will forget about me. i worry that I will forget about them. I worry that I don't pray enough. I worry that I am missing something critical in my spiritual life. I worry about my sin issues. I worry about my self-absorption. i worry about my job. I worry about my parents. I worry about letting people down. Last night was just an exceptionally vivid night of worry. I couldn't stop. My mind turned over and over and over on a million things. I tried to read. I tried to pray. I tried to sleep. But I just flipped over and over in my bed.
Now...I know I am not SUPPOSED to worry. I kept telling myself that God is bigger than my small worries that he has promised to take care of me and all my needs. And at some level I believe that...or at least i think i do. Why is it so hard to get that kind of information from your head to your heart to your soul? Ask me if I believe that God is bigger than my worries and I will say "absolutely" then I lay awake all night and worry. There are so many truths like that...that I KNOW at an intellectual level but that haven't filtered down into my heart. and maybe it was just a bad night...I don't normally stay awake and worry. But it made me think about how there are so many things I know but don't really KNOW. How do you get there? really?
Now...I know I am not SUPPOSED to worry. I kept telling myself that God is bigger than my small worries that he has promised to take care of me and all my needs. And at some level I believe that...or at least i think i do. Why is it so hard to get that kind of information from your head to your heart to your soul? Ask me if I believe that God is bigger than my worries and I will say "absolutely" then I lay awake all night and worry. There are so many truths like that...that I KNOW at an intellectual level but that haven't filtered down into my heart. and maybe it was just a bad night...I don't normally stay awake and worry. But it made me think about how there are so many things I know but don't really KNOW. How do you get there? really?
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