I have realized that I put very little info on here about what is actually happening in my life. Partially it's because I saw an advertisement for a book about how to blog well and it was called "No one cares what you had for lunch" or something like that and i didn't want to be one of "those" people. but in honesty if you are reading this, you probably do have some interest in my personal life so i thought i'd just give an update
Things here are fine. I thought about leaving this post with just that comment...thought it might be kind of funny. but I digress. Life is carrying on as normal here. I am working on planning for the future (long term and short term) of our camps ministry. We are sort of at a crossroads with that and it's been a interesting path coming to that crossroad. We have been having so many organizational and philosophical meetings with our staff but it's been good to try and nail some of those things down.
We still have pretty warm weather...considering it's December and I am really thankful it hasn't been as cold as last year so far. I am just now starting to break out the hats and scarfs and heavy coats. Christmas season is here and there are lights and trees and little booths selling Christmas stuff all over the city. It's really beautiful but it seems strange to not have snow. but I am certainly not complaning about that!
One exciting thing is that I am coming to the states for a visit this winter! I will be home December 14th and am looking forward to Christmas with my parents, some good meals, driving a car (no, I still can't drive a stick), seeing good friends, and doing some shopping. I will also be at the Passion 07 conference so if you are there you should look for me! I will have some of my sweet Slovak girls that I love with me and I would love for you all to meet face to face with some of the reasons why I love Slovakia.
I have been working a lot to get ready to be in the states and to start thinking about this summer with camps and youth groups, and interns. It's so crazy to think so far ahead but there are so many details that I have to start thinking about next summer as soon as the current one ends. This weekend I will get to spend some time with some of my old students from Eastern Slovakia and I am looking forward to being with them and hearing about what is going on in their lives.
Not a very exciting update but just wanted to let you know that things are moving along, I am excited to be home for a while, and that I am still wanting to be on the path God has laid out. I am realizing that it's not about him necessarily showing us the final destination but about trusting him to show us one next step at a time. I spent some time this weekend really praying and one thing that God showed me was that it's not up to me. I can get mad at myself for being angry, or selfish, or jealous, or undisciplined, and then i decide I will just try harder to be those things. Which of course doesn't really work. God showed me that it's about him giving me those things...and not in a BAM NOW YOU ARE PATIENT! kind of way, but by giving me what I need in each moment. That it's about saying to God, "ok, I have no ability to be kind in this moment Lord. It's not in me. But you can and so I ask you to give me the patience I need right now". Maybe be a pretty obvious thing but I saw it in a really new way this weekend that was cool to see.
hope all is well for you out there. sorry I haven't been available much on email or here on this blog...sometimes it's just life!
Monday, December 04, 2006
Saturday, November 11, 2006
So that
Whenever I am reading my bible and I see little phrases like "so that" I sort of sit up and pay attention to what is coming next. I really like to know the "why" behind things. In fact I will actually argue against things I actually believe if the I don't agree with the "why" that is behind it. In an effort to prove the invalidity of the arguement/logic as opposed to disproving the concept. I am sure it's a pretty annoying character trait. But in actuality the "so that" behind a lot of things can totally change your perception on the topic.
When i first moved to Slovakia I didn't have any furniture so I went to IKEA and bought a whole bunch of stuff. Couch, bed, chair, coffee table etc. Well if you know IKEA you know that everything comes in a box and they give you all these cute little tools to use in order to put stuff together and the instructions have great drawings so you know not to shove this piece into that section because it simply doesn't go there. Well. I don't like to read instructions. I learn by DOING (that means I am a tactile learner). I think I get this from my dad. So the first few pieces I look at and think, "aw, this doesn't look so bad. this guy goes here and these little guys go over there. little glue here, few of those tiny nails there. piece of cake" and I hop to it thinking that IKEA should hire me to work for them since I have such a natural intuition for the assembly of modular furniture. BUT then I find myself halfway through things realizing "oh! I should have done that part 1st because now I can't reach the place where these little metal guys need to be" (there may be some swear words in the original version of that thought). So I have to go back and start over. No fun. Then I start to notice that the instructions TOLD me what to do first...SO THAT i wouldn't have these problems. Those clever Swedes at IKEA knew that this step had to come before this step. SO THAT the rest of it would go toegther right. Ah ha. Yes, I see. It's not arbitrary or random or just the way it was written because it was written my some man or something. There is a SO THAT. And by the way when the IKEA instructions tell you that something is a 2 man job, it's SO THAT the huge heavy closet you are putting together doesn't fall on you and crush you under it's weight.
Well, in the bible there are a lot of SO THATs. And sometimes I read the part before the SO THAT and I think, "wait a minute. that isn't fair, or that doesn't make sense, or what's the point of that?" and then I get to the SO THAT and I say "ohhh, now i get it, it's so that" In Exodus God allowed Moses to do some crazy stuff (like turning his staff into a snake) but it was SO THAT the people would believe God had appeared to Moses and gave him power. In Exodus Moses continues to ask Pharoah to release the Israelites from captivity and he gave Pharaoh a "so that". But Pharoah only heard the part about letting good help wander off. He refused to recognize that the point of letting them go was so that they could worship the Lord. And Pharoah paid for that mistake later. In 2 Chronicles God says that the his people will be held captive (ugh, what? that is so not fair!) but it's SO THAT they would learn what it meant to serve God versus serving other kings (oh, well, in that case it makes sense). In Daniel 11:35 it says that the wise will stumble but it's SO THAT they may be refined, and purified. These are the kinds of verses that remind me that sometimes things happen that feel not great at all. Hard things happen, sad things, unfair things, horrible things. But there is ALWAYS a "so that"...we don't always get told the "so that" but it's there.
There are other sections of "so thats" that tell us why we are here. And we are told over and over again that we are here for God. Exodus 9:16 says we are raised up so that the name of God would be proclaimed over the whole earth. Isaiah 49 says God will restore Israel so that His salvation would go to the ends of the earth. We are told we are here to bring God's light to the whole earth. Matthew 5:16 says we should let our light shine before men not so we look good but SO THAT God is glorified. Isaiah 61:3 says we are "oaks of righteousness" planted to display the Lord's splendor. 1 Peter encourages us to live good lives not for the sake of being good or so we will earn points with God but so that people around us will see how radical our lives are and give glory to God because of it. That ultimately everything we do is something done SO THAT it brings glory to God.
And this all brings me to the thoughts I was having this morning. Sometimes I want to be a "better person". I want to pray more or be with God more, or understand him more, connect with the deep sides of my relationship with God. But very often I want that SO THAT I will look better. or so that people will think I am some super Christian. Or so that I will be recognized by people I respect. or so that I will feel better about myself. But then I think about the blessings and the abilities and even the challenges that God gives us and I realize that the SO THATs have a lot more to do with the people around me than with myself. That it's about wanting the holy spirit and the life of Christ to be radical in me SO THAT it shows who God is to the people around me. In the same way that the moon is bright only because it is reflecting the sun, I want to shine because of the relection of the Son. Wanting to live a life marked by the signature of Jesus not because it impresses the Christians around me but SO THAT people realize that this kind of life is only possible with the power of Christ in me. Wanting to live for Christ not simply so I go to heaven when I die. But so that I am a part of doing His will on earth as in heaven.
My desire this morning is to be in a place where I want to shine. Where I want to be a city on a hill, a lamp on a lampstand, a voice in the wilderness...SO THAT my Father in Heaven is glorified. SO THAT I become less and He becomes more. SO THAT every tribe, tongue and nation can see that only He is worthy of all the glory and honor and praise.
When i first moved to Slovakia I didn't have any furniture so I went to IKEA and bought a whole bunch of stuff. Couch, bed, chair, coffee table etc. Well if you know IKEA you know that everything comes in a box and they give you all these cute little tools to use in order to put stuff together and the instructions have great drawings so you know not to shove this piece into that section because it simply doesn't go there. Well. I don't like to read instructions. I learn by DOING (that means I am a tactile learner). I think I get this from my dad. So the first few pieces I look at and think, "aw, this doesn't look so bad. this guy goes here and these little guys go over there. little glue here, few of those tiny nails there. piece of cake" and I hop to it thinking that IKEA should hire me to work for them since I have such a natural intuition for the assembly of modular furniture. BUT then I find myself halfway through things realizing "oh! I should have done that part 1st because now I can't reach the place where these little metal guys need to be" (there may be some swear words in the original version of that thought). So I have to go back and start over. No fun. Then I start to notice that the instructions TOLD me what to do first...SO THAT i wouldn't have these problems. Those clever Swedes at IKEA knew that this step had to come before this step. SO THAT the rest of it would go toegther right. Ah ha. Yes, I see. It's not arbitrary or random or just the way it was written because it was written my some man or something. There is a SO THAT. And by the way when the IKEA instructions tell you that something is a 2 man job, it's SO THAT the huge heavy closet you are putting together doesn't fall on you and crush you under it's weight.
Well, in the bible there are a lot of SO THATs. And sometimes I read the part before the SO THAT and I think, "wait a minute. that isn't fair, or that doesn't make sense, or what's the point of that?" and then I get to the SO THAT and I say "ohhh, now i get it, it's so that" In Exodus God allowed Moses to do some crazy stuff (like turning his staff into a snake) but it was SO THAT the people would believe God had appeared to Moses and gave him power. In Exodus Moses continues to ask Pharoah to release the Israelites from captivity and he gave Pharaoh a "so that". But Pharoah only heard the part about letting good help wander off. He refused to recognize that the point of letting them go was so that they could worship the Lord. And Pharoah paid for that mistake later. In 2 Chronicles God says that the his people will be held captive (ugh, what? that is so not fair!) but it's SO THAT they would learn what it meant to serve God versus serving other kings (oh, well, in that case it makes sense). In Daniel 11:35 it says that the wise will stumble but it's SO THAT they may be refined, and purified. These are the kinds of verses that remind me that sometimes things happen that feel not great at all. Hard things happen, sad things, unfair things, horrible things. But there is ALWAYS a "so that"...we don't always get told the "so that" but it's there.
There are other sections of "so thats" that tell us why we are here. And we are told over and over again that we are here for God. Exodus 9:16 says we are raised up so that the name of God would be proclaimed over the whole earth. Isaiah 49 says God will restore Israel so that His salvation would go to the ends of the earth. We are told we are here to bring God's light to the whole earth. Matthew 5:16 says we should let our light shine before men not so we look good but SO THAT God is glorified. Isaiah 61:3 says we are "oaks of righteousness" planted to display the Lord's splendor. 1 Peter encourages us to live good lives not for the sake of being good or so we will earn points with God but so that people around us will see how radical our lives are and give glory to God because of it. That ultimately everything we do is something done SO THAT it brings glory to God.
And this all brings me to the thoughts I was having this morning. Sometimes I want to be a "better person". I want to pray more or be with God more, or understand him more, connect with the deep sides of my relationship with God. But very often I want that SO THAT I will look better. or so that people will think I am some super Christian. Or so that I will be recognized by people I respect. or so that I will feel better about myself. But then I think about the blessings and the abilities and even the challenges that God gives us and I realize that the SO THATs have a lot more to do with the people around me than with myself. That it's about wanting the holy spirit and the life of Christ to be radical in me SO THAT it shows who God is to the people around me. In the same way that the moon is bright only because it is reflecting the sun, I want to shine because of the relection of the Son. Wanting to live a life marked by the signature of Jesus not because it impresses the Christians around me but SO THAT people realize that this kind of life is only possible with the power of Christ in me. Wanting to live for Christ not simply so I go to heaven when I die. But so that I am a part of doing His will on earth as in heaven.
My desire this morning is to be in a place where I want to shine. Where I want to be a city on a hill, a lamp on a lampstand, a voice in the wilderness...SO THAT my Father in Heaven is glorified. SO THAT I become less and He becomes more. SO THAT every tribe, tongue and nation can see that only He is worthy of all the glory and honor and praise.
My kitchen floor uncrashed my ipod
Just a thank you to my friend Niall who lives in Croatia who suggested I drop my ipod on the floor in an effort to fix it. I figured, the thing is broken anyway so what can it hurt to try a very unorthodox repair technique. I removed the pod from the protective case it's been in since I got it and dropped it right onto the wood floor in my kitchen. Picked it up...turned it on...and viola! worked like a charm.
I wonder if dropping it on the floor was the repair method apple was going to charge me $250 for...seems a little pricey.
I wonder if dropping it on the floor was the repair method apple was going to charge me $250 for...seems a little pricey.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
A few things I read
my creative side has been a bit dry lately and I am at a bit of an emotional stalemate these days. But there are a few things I have read in the last few weeks that I wanted to share because I thought they were breautiful or brillant. Or both. I have one really special friend over here named Maruska. She is brillant and talented and one of the most amazing people I have ever met. She is actually a poet and wrote a book of poetry (She is Slovak so the book is too but she speaks English amazingly well). And she let me help her clean the English version of the poems up a little. And I was was reading them I just thought they were so great. I am not really good with poetry...being a very linear thinker poetry generally flies right over my head. I guess if you can't put it into a spreadsheet or outline it with bullet points i tend to miss the point. Anyway I read one of these poems this week and wanted to share it with you.
FRIENDS
We were talking till late night.
Then you whished me sweet dreams
and sent angels to my room.
And You started writing a song
For the little birds under my window
and painting dew on the fragile leaves of the forget-me-nots
and baking bread for me.
And when I woke up in the morning
I realized
how great it is
to be friends
with God.
There is a writer who I really love named Brennan Manning. i have one book by him that I read over and over because I think it's amazing (The Signature of Jesus for any of you who are looking for something to rock your planet) and I was reading another one of his books (The Ragamuffin Gospel) and came across this quote which I thought was great.
"when i get honest, i admit I am a bundle of paradoxes. I believe and I doubt, I hope and I get discouraged, I love and I hate, I feel bad about feeling good, I feel guilty about not feeling guilty. I am trusting and suspicious. I am honest and I still play games. Aristotle said I am a rational animal; I say I am an angel with an incredible capacity for beer.
To live by grace means to acknowledge my whole life story, the light side and the dark. In admitting my shadow side I learn who I am and what God's grace means. As Thomas Merton put it, "A saint is not someone who is good but who experiences the goodness of God.""
So I just thought I would share a few of the thoughts that have been crashing around my i head these days!
FRIENDS
We were talking till late night.
Then you whished me sweet dreams
and sent angels to my room.
And You started writing a song
For the little birds under my window
and painting dew on the fragile leaves of the forget-me-nots
and baking bread for me.
And when I woke up in the morning
I realized
how great it is
to be friends
with God.
There is a writer who I really love named Brennan Manning. i have one book by him that I read over and over because I think it's amazing (The Signature of Jesus for any of you who are looking for something to rock your planet) and I was reading another one of his books (The Ragamuffin Gospel) and came across this quote which I thought was great.
"when i get honest, i admit I am a bundle of paradoxes. I believe and I doubt, I hope and I get discouraged, I love and I hate, I feel bad about feeling good, I feel guilty about not feeling guilty. I am trusting and suspicious. I am honest and I still play games. Aristotle said I am a rational animal; I say I am an angel with an incredible capacity for beer.
To live by grace means to acknowledge my whole life story, the light side and the dark. In admitting my shadow side I learn who I am and what God's grace means. As Thomas Merton put it, "A saint is not someone who is good but who experiences the goodness of God.""
So I just thought I would share a few of the thoughts that have been crashing around my i head these days!
Training School
Hey out there! One of the big projects we work on here is a year long school for youth leaders. Leaders from different churches around Slovakia come to our training center every month for a full weekend of training, equipping and learning about different things happening in the country. Well this past weekend the training school for 2006 began and it was a great reminder to me of why I am here and why I believe so strongly in what we do. We spent 2 full days together learning about Systematic Theology, Bible Study methods, and talking about different issues with youth ministry in Slovakia. We were also able to meet together in smaller groups and talk about what was happening specifically in our lives. I really loved being around people who love students in Slovakia and want to see their church make a difference in their lives. It was a huge encouragement for me to spend some time with a few girls I knew when I lived in a different part of Slovakia and I will be spending more time with them in a mentoring role as well. Being a part of living life with the future of the churches in this country is an enormous honor and I felt so blessed to be a part of that weekend.
Other than that I have been spending a lot of time in my office working and trying to organize my camps project for 2007. It seems like that it's pretty far away but I still feel like I have a ton of planning and preparation and thoughts about process. I am still not feeling 100% like I really know how to do my job which is kind of frustrating at times. It's starting to get colder here but it's been really pretty. One of the greatest things about being here is how distinct all the seasons are. I feel like you get a REAL fall and a REAL spring (and unfortunately a real winter too!) but it's so nice right now. The leaves are changing and it smells like fall and the sky has been a bright beautiful blue. It's so nice. But yeah, I am dreading the snow which should be here in less than a month.
So that's pretty much my life right now...dressing in layers and hanging out in my office. I am looking forward to spending some time doing some more relational things back out in the city I used to live in. It's funny that I moved all the way over here just to travel out there but it makes sense organizationally and I so miss my girls there. I had some friendships that were really special to me and it will be nice for them to be more intentionally on my radar.
Sorry for the lack of posting lately...I will try and make up for it by posting a whole bunch today :)
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Jesus crashed my ipod
I have been pretty solidly connected to my ipod since my parents gave it to me for Christmas in 2005. And when I say connected what I really mean is obsessed. I dropped all my music (even the total garbage from 8th grade) onto my pod and have been happily downloading music ever since. I don't go anywhere without that thing...it's like my little white plastic friend.
But i have noticed something about my little white plastic friend. He helps me block out EVERYTHING around me...and in reality sometimes it's pretty blissful to block it all out. When I am afraid that someone at the bus stop will ask me a question I won't understand...there is the pod. When I can't turn off the 16 channels in my head...there is the pod. When I am frustrated with an issue or question or problem I can't solve...there is the pod. And over the last year I have been vaguely aware in the back of my head that often times I use my ipod as a defense mechanism which is admittedly not super healthy.
So a few days ago I was reading something about "practicing the presence of God". Which is a crazy thing if you start to think about it. Just deliberately, specifically thinking about and reminding yourself that God is HERE. Now. In this place. That all the internal thoughts and problems and tiny details are swirling around me and Him as we sit at my kitchen table. That His presence is ALWAYS present. And I started to pray, "ok God, I like that...I think I want more of that. I think I want your presense to be real to me, and something I think about and something I am aware of and something I cultivate in my life. So Lord, show me what that looks like. How in the heck do I practice just being with you" And then I left my little quiet time spot to brush my teeth and head to work.
Loaded up my backpack, got all my junk together and POPPED MY HEADPHONES INTO MY STUBBORN EARS. Admittedly I thought..."you know having all this noise injected into your brain 24/7 probably isn't really putting you on the road to experiencing God's presense." Then some super great song came on and the world was blocked out as was the voice of God and the voice of my heart and I headed off to work.
About 6 steps out of my flat the pod froze. The pod got reset. The pod displayed a sad face icon that told me to seek medical attention for it. I sought medical attention for it. I was told that the cost to repair my out of warranty white plastic friend would be nearly more than it would cost to buy a brand new one. Then my ipod and I both were displaying a sad face icon.
BUT here is the thing. I feel like this is an opportunity...an opportunity to practise the presense of God more often. An opportunity to stop blocking things out as a defense mechanism. I am not saying music is bad, or that I don't want a new ipod...but i am saying that that blocking out of all things had become something unhealthy in my life and I am thankful that I am being challenged to rethink my need for defense. So did Jesus really crash my ipod...maybe he did...or maybe he just gave me the grace to see the problem as a gift from him rather than just a wrench in my life.
But i have noticed something about my little white plastic friend. He helps me block out EVERYTHING around me...and in reality sometimes it's pretty blissful to block it all out. When I am afraid that someone at the bus stop will ask me a question I won't understand...there is the pod. When I can't turn off the 16 channels in my head...there is the pod. When I am frustrated with an issue or question or problem I can't solve...there is the pod. And over the last year I have been vaguely aware in the back of my head that often times I use my ipod as a defense mechanism which is admittedly not super healthy.
So a few days ago I was reading something about "practicing the presence of God". Which is a crazy thing if you start to think about it. Just deliberately, specifically thinking about and reminding yourself that God is HERE. Now. In this place. That all the internal thoughts and problems and tiny details are swirling around me and Him as we sit at my kitchen table. That His presence is ALWAYS present. And I started to pray, "ok God, I like that...I think I want more of that. I think I want your presense to be real to me, and something I think about and something I am aware of and something I cultivate in my life. So Lord, show me what that looks like. How in the heck do I practice just being with you" And then I left my little quiet time spot to brush my teeth and head to work.
Loaded up my backpack, got all my junk together and POPPED MY HEADPHONES INTO MY STUBBORN EARS. Admittedly I thought..."you know having all this noise injected into your brain 24/7 probably isn't really putting you on the road to experiencing God's presense." Then some super great song came on and the world was blocked out as was the voice of God and the voice of my heart and I headed off to work.
About 6 steps out of my flat the pod froze. The pod got reset. The pod displayed a sad face icon that told me to seek medical attention for it. I sought medical attention for it. I was told that the cost to repair my out of warranty white plastic friend would be nearly more than it would cost to buy a brand new one. Then my ipod and I both were displaying a sad face icon.
BUT here is the thing. I feel like this is an opportunity...an opportunity to practise the presense of God more often. An opportunity to stop blocking things out as a defense mechanism. I am not saying music is bad, or that I don't want a new ipod...but i am saying that that blocking out of all things had become something unhealthy in my life and I am thankful that I am being challenged to rethink my need for defense. So did Jesus really crash my ipod...maybe he did...or maybe he just gave me the grace to see the problem as a gift from him rather than just a wrench in my life.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
noise
I am sitting at my kitchen table this morning in my 45 minutes before language lessons start trying to communicate with God. Since i am blogging you can see how well that is going. Often times in the morning i will think "oh cool, I will pray while I am getting ready" an attempt to "practice the presence of God" in all I do. But it last for about 6 seconds and then my brain is off on a rabbit trail and 30 minutes later i think "what the heck am i thinking about?"
This morning I was looking out the window and trying to figure out what I am thinking, how I am feeling, how to express that, what to bring to the Lord this morning and I am just blank. It feels to me a little like I have about 17 TV channels on in my head at the same time. One channel is the quiet time channel...soft music...nice lighting...peaceful...it's the main one I want to tune into right now. But then there are 16 others and most of them are WAY louder than the quiet time channel. There is the financial worry channel which is actually the one at full volume today. It's practically screaming "do you have any idea how little money you have!!!!?? How the heck are you gonna get more? What are you going to do when it runs out? How are you going to get people to contribute to all these things you need money for? YAAAAA!!!" and so on. Then there is the you're turning 30 this year channel and that one has been on for a while and most often I can ignore it but I get snatches of things like "bet you never thought this is what your life would look like at 30!" Then there is the organizational and structural chaos channel which has been on a lot lately and it says things like "what are you going to do about this? what are you going to do about that? how are you going to fix this problem? what are you going to say to your boss about that one?" that channel tends to play a lot of re-runs. then there is the condemnation channel which says things like "you suck at your job. you are letting your family down. why can't you get a "real" job. people only like you for what you do for them. you are alone"
there are more...believe me. but i won't write about them. I just know that I have about 17 TV channels on in my head right now and I really just want to have ONE. And intellectually I know that worry is unecessary and that God is in control and that i can't "fix" or manipulate anything and that I just need to trust Him. but the fact remains that I feel like i can't turn these other channels off these days. And some days I think "if one more channel comes on I am going to scream". and they keep turning on and keep getting louder and the nicer channels just get talked over by all the horrible ones.
more than likely I need to get some serious time alone and away from all the distractions that are around me and sincerely ask God to turn off all the channels but one. but there is a part of me that is scared to do that becaue I might not like what is on the quiet time channel. it might be hard to deal with, or it might bring up things about myself that I don't like or it might ask me to forgive or ask forgiveness from someone I don't want to deal with. so as much as i hate the noise i am scared of the silence. so for now I stare out the window and drink my coffee and listen to 17 channels in my head.
This morning I was looking out the window and trying to figure out what I am thinking, how I am feeling, how to express that, what to bring to the Lord this morning and I am just blank. It feels to me a little like I have about 17 TV channels on in my head at the same time. One channel is the quiet time channel...soft music...nice lighting...peaceful...it's the main one I want to tune into right now. But then there are 16 others and most of them are WAY louder than the quiet time channel. There is the financial worry channel which is actually the one at full volume today. It's practically screaming "do you have any idea how little money you have!!!!?? How the heck are you gonna get more? What are you going to do when it runs out? How are you going to get people to contribute to all these things you need money for? YAAAAA!!!" and so on. Then there is the you're turning 30 this year channel and that one has been on for a while and most often I can ignore it but I get snatches of things like "bet you never thought this is what your life would look like at 30!" Then there is the organizational and structural chaos channel which has been on a lot lately and it says things like "what are you going to do about this? what are you going to do about that? how are you going to fix this problem? what are you going to say to your boss about that one?" that channel tends to play a lot of re-runs. then there is the condemnation channel which says things like "you suck at your job. you are letting your family down. why can't you get a "real" job. people only like you for what you do for them. you are alone"
there are more...believe me. but i won't write about them. I just know that I have about 17 TV channels on in my head right now and I really just want to have ONE. And intellectually I know that worry is unecessary and that God is in control and that i can't "fix" or manipulate anything and that I just need to trust Him. but the fact remains that I feel like i can't turn these other channels off these days. And some days I think "if one more channel comes on I am going to scream". and they keep turning on and keep getting louder and the nicer channels just get talked over by all the horrible ones.
more than likely I need to get some serious time alone and away from all the distractions that are around me and sincerely ask God to turn off all the channels but one. but there is a part of me that is scared to do that becaue I might not like what is on the quiet time channel. it might be hard to deal with, or it might bring up things about myself that I don't like or it might ask me to forgive or ask forgiveness from someone I don't want to deal with. so as much as i hate the noise i am scared of the silence. so for now I stare out the window and drink my coffee and listen to 17 channels in my head.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
reset
I am going to date myself a bit with this...but some of you remember nintendo right? not all this crazy PS2, X-Box, 97 buttons on one controller stuff but the original nintendo...a button, b button, up, down, left right, the end. Ok. Remember when your nintendo would freak out and you couldn't get it to play the games? what did you do first? that is right...you took out the game and blew into it. as if your saliva has some sort ability to solve electrical problems. then you blew into the nintendo itself and put the game back in to try again. and just as you starting to think everything was solved it did it again and you had to hit the RESET button (sometimes in the middle of a game which was a major bummer). I feel like sometimes God hits my reset button. There are times when something inside has gotten a little jumbled so God says, "hang on...let's just restart some things".
In the last few days a couple of things have tapped that reset button for me. I am not saying that everything is 100% in my heart or my head and the things that have been reset are sort of ongoing processes but it is nice to STOP and say, "oh yeah...I can't believe I wasn't thinking about that".
I have been reading the story of Abraham. The Father of the nation of Israel, he trusted God nearly unwaveringly, he was willing to give up what was most precious to him simply because God asked (an amazing illustration of trust). God makes some pretty crazy promises to Abraham...the craziest being that he will be the father of a nation with descendents too numerous to count. It was crazy because Abraham and his wife couldn't have kids, oh yeah and they were about 100 years old. I am sure Abraham was thinking "hmmm, I am not sure how this is going to work. maybe i misunderstood Him. maybe it was only a figure of speach. I mean we are OLD, how the heck are we going to have kids?!" But he chose to trust God's promise...even if it seemed far-fetched
Here is what happened in Genesis 18:10-14:
Then the LORD said, "I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah your wife will have a son." Now Sarah was listening at the entrance to the tent, which was behind him. Abraham and Sarah were already old and well advanced in years, and Sarah was past the age of childbearing. So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, "After I am worn out and my master is old, will I now have this pleasure?"
Then the LORD said to Abraham, "Why did Sarah laugh and say, 'Will I really have a child, now that I am old?' Is anything too hard for the LORD ? I will return to you at the appointed time next year and Sarah will have a son."
The thing that hit me in this passage was verse 14...IS ANYTHING TOO HARD FOR THE LORD?. I suppose I'd laugh too if this were my situation, so it's understandable that Sarah was a bit cynical about it. But I love this interchange between God and Abraham because God could have said, "gosh, I know this sounds really wild and sort of impossible but here is how it's going to work, so just hang in there and don't flip out or anything" but instead God says really simply the most obvious thing in the world and acts as if this HUGE impossibility is no more difficult than taking a breath...is anything too hard for the LORD? Huh...yeah...good call God. A 90 year old lady getting pregnant is a pretty crazy thing but for God it's a very simple thing. God isn't looking at my life saying, "oh man, I didn't know things would end up like that. how in the world are you going to solve that issue, how are you going to learn this lesson? Gosh, yeah you should start to panic." Nothing is too hard for the LORD. Wow. So when I am sitting around stewing over the difficult things here in Zilina, or in my personal life, or the relational stresses that can occupy my brain I have to ask myself...Is anything too hard for the LORD? Definitively NO.
This thought doesn't exactly "fix" my problems. I still have problems with work, or ministry, or my personal life. But it's a great comfort to know that none of those things are too hard for the LORD. They can be too hard for me. They can be too hard for my friends. They can be too hard for my leaders. But they aren't too hard for the LORD. So when I need help solving, understanding, or simply persevering it's amazing to know that there is nothing that is too hard for the LORD and that sometimes the answer is just to trust that and watch God do something that looks totally impossible.
In the last few days a couple of things have tapped that reset button for me. I am not saying that everything is 100% in my heart or my head and the things that have been reset are sort of ongoing processes but it is nice to STOP and say, "oh yeah...I can't believe I wasn't thinking about that".
I have been reading the story of Abraham. The Father of the nation of Israel, he trusted God nearly unwaveringly, he was willing to give up what was most precious to him simply because God asked (an amazing illustration of trust). God makes some pretty crazy promises to Abraham...the craziest being that he will be the father of a nation with descendents too numerous to count. It was crazy because Abraham and his wife couldn't have kids, oh yeah and they were about 100 years old. I am sure Abraham was thinking "hmmm, I am not sure how this is going to work. maybe i misunderstood Him. maybe it was only a figure of speach. I mean we are OLD, how the heck are we going to have kids?!" But he chose to trust God's promise...even if it seemed far-fetched
Here is what happened in Genesis 18:10-14:
Then the LORD said, "I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah your wife will have a son." Now Sarah was listening at the entrance to the tent, which was behind him. Abraham and Sarah were already old and well advanced in years, and Sarah was past the age of childbearing. So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, "After I am worn out and my master is old, will I now have this pleasure?"
Then the LORD said to Abraham, "Why did Sarah laugh and say, 'Will I really have a child, now that I am old?' Is anything too hard for the LORD ? I will return to you at the appointed time next year and Sarah will have a son."
The thing that hit me in this passage was verse 14...IS ANYTHING TOO HARD FOR THE LORD?. I suppose I'd laugh too if this were my situation, so it's understandable that Sarah was a bit cynical about it. But I love this interchange between God and Abraham because God could have said, "gosh, I know this sounds really wild and sort of impossible but here is how it's going to work, so just hang in there and don't flip out or anything" but instead God says really simply the most obvious thing in the world and acts as if this HUGE impossibility is no more difficult than taking a breath...is anything too hard for the LORD? Huh...yeah...good call God. A 90 year old lady getting pregnant is a pretty crazy thing but for God it's a very simple thing. God isn't looking at my life saying, "oh man, I didn't know things would end up like that. how in the world are you going to solve that issue, how are you going to learn this lesson? Gosh, yeah you should start to panic." Nothing is too hard for the LORD. Wow. So when I am sitting around stewing over the difficult things here in Zilina, or in my personal life, or the relational stresses that can occupy my brain I have to ask myself...Is anything too hard for the LORD? Definitively NO.
This thought doesn't exactly "fix" my problems. I still have problems with work, or ministry, or my personal life. But it's a great comfort to know that none of those things are too hard for the LORD. They can be too hard for me. They can be too hard for my friends. They can be too hard for my leaders. But they aren't too hard for the LORD. So when I need help solving, understanding, or simply persevering it's amazing to know that there is nothing that is too hard for the LORD and that sometimes the answer is just to trust that and watch God do something that looks totally impossible.
Monday, September 04, 2006
weekend trip
I spent Friday and Saturday of this weekend in Presov Slovakia. This is the city I moved to when I moved over here a year and a half ago. I left there last December in kind of an abrupt way and haven't spent much time there since I left. I moved from there because I took a different job over here and needed to be where our main office was. There wasn't a whole lot of time between my determining I was moving and actually moving so it was a bit of a shock to some of my friends in Presov. I honetly don't know that I "left well". there were some people I needed to say goodbye to that I didn't but I really did think I would be back there more often.
Being back this weekend made me see how much I missed that city, and the students there and the work that i was doing before I took on a more "corporate" role. I got to spend some sweet time with college and high school girls who were a big part of my world and who I only rarely talk to anymore. It made me miss that element of my life...spending time, real time, with girls who are learning about who God is in their life. I miss knowing what is happening in their lives. I miss knowing about their stuggles and challenges and how God is growing them. Basically I miss my girls. I am so thankful I was able to see some of them (I even got to go to the wedding of one of them!) and I am thankful that I saw that as a real void in my life now. I am so thankful to realize that one of the reasons God has me here is to be a friend and fellow traveler with these girls. I didn't realize how much I missed that section of my life and it was nice to plug back into it even if it was just for a few hours.
Being back this weekend made me see how much I missed that city, and the students there and the work that i was doing before I took on a more "corporate" role. I got to spend some sweet time with college and high school girls who were a big part of my world and who I only rarely talk to anymore. It made me miss that element of my life...spending time, real time, with girls who are learning about who God is in their life. I miss knowing what is happening in their lives. I miss knowing about their stuggles and challenges and how God is growing them. Basically I miss my girls. I am so thankful I was able to see some of them (I even got to go to the wedding of one of them!) and I am thankful that I saw that as a real void in my life now. I am so thankful to realize that one of the reasons God has me here is to be a friend and fellow traveler with these girls. I didn't realize how much I missed that section of my life and it was nice to plug back into it even if it was just for a few hours.
Slovak lessons make me sweat
I am not sure exactly why this happens but every time I have a Slovak language lesson I start to sweat...bad. I noticed it last year the 1st time I met with my tutor. She was a really sweet lady (I say lady she's probably early 30s) and didn't speak English at all. She was super kind and really patient but everytime I met with her my hands would sweat, and I would end up pitting out my shirt (hey boys, who wants my number now!). Well today I started private lessons at a language school in town and as soon as i walked in the door...boom...sweat city. ugh. And the thing of it is that I am not really a "sweater". It's just language lessons that make feel like I am about to melt.
Learning language for me is probably one of the heights in humiliation. For most of my life I have been silently telling myself "Just blend in...don't do anything that makes you stick out...just blend". So situations that made me stick out unexpectedly or in a less than flattering way always caused my blood pressure to skyrocket. Think any kind of toilet paper stuck to your shoe, spinach in your teeth, mismatched outfit sort of situation and I wanted to avoid those at all costs. I hate being "obvious" unless it's on my own terms and with people I am comfortable around.
Being a "foreigner" makes blending a bit harder. In general Europeans and North Americans look different...i know that is a generalization but there is a difference in the way people carry themselves, the volume at which people talk, the amount of eye contact etc. and so it's generally pretty easy to spot someone here that doesn't "fit" and I feel like very often i stick out like a sore thumb. And then when i open my mouth it becomes painfully obvious that I am not exactly a local. I try not to talk on my phone on the bus so people don't hear me speak English and realize I am a foreigner, and I guess it comes back to not wanting to stick out.
My need to blend in though can be a problem. I won't ask for help in stores or when I am looking for something because I am afraid i won't be able to communicate what I need or that people will think I am stupid for not being able to speak Slovak. And this is probably the reason why I am so sweaty during language. I want to communicate and fit in and not seem strange to my teacher but the fact remains that I am a foreigner, I don't speak Slovak very well, and I am a "stranger" in many ways. I decided today when I went in to the lesson that I was going to just start talking. I knew I would say things really incorrectly and mess up vocab and grammar but that i was just going to use my words and keep talking even when i felt dumb and sweaty. So for an hour i sweated...and talked...and had to say "nerozumiem" (I don't understand) more times than i wanted. but I survived it and didn't flip out from feeling like a stranger and I suppose that is half the battle with language. Using your words, knowing you will make mistakes and being willing to learn from them. So I am hoping to be brave enough to stick out, and let's face it...I am a foreigner which isn't necessarilly a bad thing!
Learning language for me is probably one of the heights in humiliation. For most of my life I have been silently telling myself "Just blend in...don't do anything that makes you stick out...just blend". So situations that made me stick out unexpectedly or in a less than flattering way always caused my blood pressure to skyrocket. Think any kind of toilet paper stuck to your shoe, spinach in your teeth, mismatched outfit sort of situation and I wanted to avoid those at all costs. I hate being "obvious" unless it's on my own terms and with people I am comfortable around.
Being a "foreigner" makes blending a bit harder. In general Europeans and North Americans look different...i know that is a generalization but there is a difference in the way people carry themselves, the volume at which people talk, the amount of eye contact etc. and so it's generally pretty easy to spot someone here that doesn't "fit" and I feel like very often i stick out like a sore thumb. And then when i open my mouth it becomes painfully obvious that I am not exactly a local. I try not to talk on my phone on the bus so people don't hear me speak English and realize I am a foreigner, and I guess it comes back to not wanting to stick out.
My need to blend in though can be a problem. I won't ask for help in stores or when I am looking for something because I am afraid i won't be able to communicate what I need or that people will think I am stupid for not being able to speak Slovak. And this is probably the reason why I am so sweaty during language. I want to communicate and fit in and not seem strange to my teacher but the fact remains that I am a foreigner, I don't speak Slovak very well, and I am a "stranger" in many ways. I decided today when I went in to the lesson that I was going to just start talking. I knew I would say things really incorrectly and mess up vocab and grammar but that i was just going to use my words and keep talking even when i felt dumb and sweaty. So for an hour i sweated...and talked...and had to say "nerozumiem" (I don't understand) more times than i wanted. but I survived it and didn't flip out from feeling like a stranger and I suppose that is half the battle with language. Using your words, knowing you will make mistakes and being willing to learn from them. So I am hoping to be brave enough to stick out, and let's face it...I am a foreigner which isn't necessarilly a bad thing!
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
The Dam
yep I am back. it's been a while. it's been a crazy summer. and I am finally back in my apartment with coffee, quiet, and a few minutes to collect my thoughts. first of all I really want to tell you about all the things that happened this summer. camps, interns, kids camp, work stuff, personal stuff but as i sat down to have a little quiet time this morning I was smacked in the face with one of those basic truths that feel really simple but that i continue to forget. so let me say a bit about that.
the summer has been exhausting and somewhere around early July I pretty much stopped spending much time praying or reading my bible or really even thinking very much about the fact that there is more to this world that what is happening around me right at this moment. the urgent started crowding out the important. I kept thinking, "it's fine, it's fine, one more camp and i will get back on track, one more weekend, one more early morning, etc. etc.". Occasionally I would toss up a "Hey, God can you help me out with this one?" or a "thanks God that was really great". But serious, intentional time with God was just non-existant.
Then suddenly it's mid-August and I am back in my apartment and I am wiped out, and lonely, and sad, and frustrated, and angry with nearly everyone and everything, and feeling unloved, unappreciated, uncared for, and so on and so on. I am doing everything in my power not to sit down and say "God, I am tired and I miss you, and i feel like junk". So this morning I am thinking about all this and writing a lot to God about how I am frustrated and sick of myself. How I hate being angry, and hate serving only to be noticed or be patted on the back. How i am tired of being self-absorbed and responding to God's call to love everyone only if by everyone He means people I like or who are cool or who don't get on my nerves or who don't smell bad or who haven't disappointed me in some way. I am wallowing in this...just rolling around in it. Covering myself with all this self-accusation and disappointment and despair. And I am just talking and talking and talking to God about it, not even taking a breath to let a word back from Him sneak in. I am actually kind of afraid of what he will say.
Then something hits me and I get this picture in my head. A picture of a stream or river or something like that. Water flowing down into a pool of some sort. And I realize a very simple thing. God pours into me like a stream. And that stream flows into me and it's where all my "water" comes from. Everything good and pure and right and healthy and positive is in that water. Any ability to put others above myself or to love even when it's hard, or to pour myself out till I am empty is in that water. And this summer I built a dam. I blocked off that outpouring from Him. Every time I chose to sleep later instead of spending time with him I built up the dam. Every time I chose to go my own way instead of His I built up the dam. Every time I said "this whole time with God thing isn't that important I will be fine if i skip out on it for a while" I built up the dam. So I built this dam and my little pond started drying up. The source was still there pouring out as much as before but I have this dam and it's not getting down to me...
The dam got bigger and sturdier and my pond started to get dry. I started thinking this morning about what a drying up pond looks like and it felt a lot like my life. It seemed a lot like how I am feeling right now. The pond gets dry, it gets muddy, there is no movement so it gets dirty, stagnant, shallow. I am not fllled up right now with this river of good that He offers. All truth, all goodness, all life flows from that source but when I build these dams how can I be full of what is flowing down to me?! I don't want to be shallow, lazy, stagnant, muddy. I want to be fluid and dynamic, forceful, alive, and full of what God is pouring into me. I want to tear down the dam. I want this river of life to rush down into me, clean me out, fill me up, bring me back to life, bring me back into a place where I am receiving from Him so my pond can pour into others ponds.
Today I am asking God to tear down the dam, or to help me tear it down so that i can be filled up with all He is pouring down into me. Today I am coming back into the place where I realize He is the source and that I can't fill my own pond, or expect to remain full apart from Him. I am not sure if it's going to come down all at once or piece by piece but I do know I want it to come down and that I very much want to be filled from the source of all life and all truth.
Monday, August 14, 2006
Friday, June 30, 2006
camps 2006
hey out there! just a quick note to say that the last few days were jam packed with a training weekend we did for the Slovak and American church teams to prepare them for camp. And this afternoon everyone headed off to their camp location. The training days were great and I hope they were encouraging to the teams. I honestly can't believe that camps are starting tomorrow...it seems totally surreal.
for those of you interested we have 3 camps happening simultaneously this week. One for Bratislava, one for Presov and one for Lucenec. There were be about 30 Americans and 40 Slovaks hanging out with Slovak high schoolers this week and your prayers would be much appreciated. I am looking forward to keeping you posted on what God does in the following days. thanks for praying and walking on the path with us all. sorry I have been so abstentee lately...it's been crazy around here and I still have a few more weekend until it calms down a bit.
for those of you interested we have 3 camps happening simultaneously this week. One for Bratislava, one for Presov and one for Lucenec. There were be about 30 Americans and 40 Slovaks hanging out with Slovak high schoolers this week and your prayers would be much appreciated. I am looking forward to keeping you posted on what God does in the following days. thanks for praying and walking on the path with us all. sorry I have been so abstentee lately...it's been crazy around here and I still have a few more weekend until it calms down a bit.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Intern Task
one of the Amazing Race tasks for the interns. We were having kind of a tough day...but it was pretty fun nonetheless.
crazy summer
summer season has begun which means that i spend a few minutes a day thinking, "I should update my blog...I know just what I will write about" and then i totally get distracted or busy or something and forget about the update. so with a few free moments i thought I'd put a few things out there. Also lately my English ability seems to be really suffering. It's not that I am speaking so much Slovak that I have no need for English but my sentences are strange and my vocabulary is stunted and i am really sorry if these posts seem totally grammatically incorrect or somehow dumb.
One thing I really want to mention is just that God has been so faithfully getting my attention and nudging me forward and communicating some specific things to me that have been amazing. Now into my second year over here I am seeing some interesting stuff. This year has been "harder" in a lot of ways for a lot of reasons. But it's also been really sweet in terms of the deepening of my relationship with Jesus and in terms of the places where God is challenging me. I wish I could explain that better, but I will just leave it by saying that I love God more in these days than ever in my life. It's incredible to see Him living and working in my life and answering prayers and being faithful over and over again even when I am not.
The 2nd thing is that this summer is INSANE. As the director of summer camps for Slovakia I have a ton of stuff going on with the 3 camps we will do this summer. lots of logistics, planning, meetings, preparations etc. it's coming down to the wire. Additionally i am leading an intern team of 6 Americans which has been a huge blessing and really fun. So I am crazed until August but am thankful for it and God is doing some cool stuff with camp preparations and with the interns.
3rd if you are out there praying I would love for you to pray about our 3 camps. pray for the students who will be there and the American teams that are coming over to serve there. Pray for the interns as they build relationships before, during and after camp. Pray for me as I lead things and organize camps and interns. Pray for God to make his name great in Slovakia and for all of us to be a reflection of that.
Sorry this post is totally disjointed and rushed. I am running out the door and have a whole heck of a lot to do. I am posting some photos as well from the last few weeks. We did this incredible Amazing Race type thing across Czech Republic for the interns to get to know each other and do some team building. It was so fun and generated a lot of discussion topics and we got to know pretty well through it. Some of the photos are from there.
more to come as I have availability.
One thing I really want to mention is just that God has been so faithfully getting my attention and nudging me forward and communicating some specific things to me that have been amazing. Now into my second year over here I am seeing some interesting stuff. This year has been "harder" in a lot of ways for a lot of reasons. But it's also been really sweet in terms of the deepening of my relationship with Jesus and in terms of the places where God is challenging me. I wish I could explain that better, but I will just leave it by saying that I love God more in these days than ever in my life. It's incredible to see Him living and working in my life and answering prayers and being faithful over and over again even when I am not.
The 2nd thing is that this summer is INSANE. As the director of summer camps for Slovakia I have a ton of stuff going on with the 3 camps we will do this summer. lots of logistics, planning, meetings, preparations etc. it's coming down to the wire. Additionally i am leading an intern team of 6 Americans which has been a huge blessing and really fun. So I am crazed until August but am thankful for it and God is doing some cool stuff with camp preparations and with the interns.
3rd if you are out there praying I would love for you to pray about our 3 camps. pray for the students who will be there and the American teams that are coming over to serve there. Pray for the interns as they build relationships before, during and after camp. Pray for me as I lead things and organize camps and interns. Pray for God to make his name great in Slovakia and for all of us to be a reflection of that.
Sorry this post is totally disjointed and rushed. I am running out the door and have a whole heck of a lot to do. I am posting some photos as well from the last few weeks. We did this incredible Amazing Race type thing across Czech Republic for the interns to get to know each other and do some team building. It was so fun and generated a lot of discussion topics and we got to know pretty well through it. Some of the photos are from there.
more to come as I have availability.
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Heck yeah
Sometimes the Lord calls you to do hard things...it's true. And people, this may terrify some of you but when I moved to Slovakia I forgot to mention one frightening fact about my new life here. I am 4 hours from the closest Starbucks! I know, I know, please dry your eyes, put your checkbooks down, it will be ok. Not all of us are cut out to live a life so far from the powerful, delicious, addictive, pleasure of that little green circle.
But, this Friday a little miracle came my way. No it wasn't world peace, or a solution to global warming, or even some type of resolution to ANY of the ridiculous junk happening on Lost this season. The miracle was a simple white cup...filled with Latte Goodness. And it was all mine. Sigh.
Thanks to Kenric for supplying this miracle when Lee Ann and i went to Vienna to pick him up at the airport. Look how much joy you brought me! and Lee Ann.
But, this Friday a little miracle came my way. No it wasn't world peace, or a solution to global warming, or even some type of resolution to ANY of the ridiculous junk happening on Lost this season. The miracle was a simple white cup...filled with Latte Goodness. And it was all mine. Sigh.
Thanks to Kenric for supplying this miracle when Lee Ann and i went to Vienna to pick him up at the airport. Look how much joy you brought me! and Lee Ann.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Smells like Jesus
A million years ago when I was in college I took a Psych class called Sensation and Perception. It was basically a course about the 5 senses. We went into some deep detail about each of the senses and it amazed me how complex it all was, how little we actually understood them, and how important each of them is. By the end of that class I was able to diagram the neural processes involved in all 5 senses. It was incredible. I could map the intricate process of the visual system. I could trace the sensory pathways that are involved when you are touched pysically. It was so interesting and complicated and amazing to realize all the tiny things that happened to get an image from the television to the back of your eye to your brain.
I say all that really for one reason. The last sense we studied that semester was smell. Mainly because it was the least complicated physically and neurologically. But one thing we did learn is that although it's not a real complicated sense, it's the most powerfully tied to memory. Our sense of smell connects to our brains and our memories so strongly, and so intensely. Think about it for a second...ever walked through the mall and smelled the cologne/purfume of your 1st love? Ever walked into the house and smelled your favorite meal long before you knew what was on the menu? Ever been reduced to tears because you smelled something familar and the memories came flooding back to you? Our sense of smell is POWERFUL. A friend of mine here just got back from being in the states and is wearing a new purfume. It happens to be the same purfume that one of my very best friends from home wears...I think of her every time I smell it. Clean sheets, spring rain, Old Spice, whatever, spend a day sniffing stuff and see how strongly it connects to your memory.
Now, that i have set the stage a bit, here is a verse that God brought to me this week. I keep going back to it...chewing on it...and wishing I could imprint it on my brain.
"But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the FRAGRANCE of the knowledge of him. For we are to God the AROMA of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing" 2 Corinthians 2:14-15
Wow. Through us the fragrance of knowing God is dispersed. Another thing about scent is that a little goes a long way...a few molecules can really travel and be detected easily. As believers when we walk through life people can smell the God stuff on us. Maybe some of us have doused ourselves in it. Maybe some of us haven't put any on in a while and the smell of the world is more prevalent. But people should be able to smell it on us. We are the aroma of Christ. Incredible thought. In my life I want to put on so much of Christ that when I am around people smell it on me. That it fills up their nostrils. That I am indistinguishable from the smell. When people think of me they connect me with the aroma of Christ, the fragrance of the knowledge of God. How incredible to know that through our lives and our hearts and our daily wanderings God spreads the aroma of himself out all over the earth. So go ahead and hose yourself down with this "fragrance of life". There is no such thing as too much of it!
I say all that really for one reason. The last sense we studied that semester was smell. Mainly because it was the least complicated physically and neurologically. But one thing we did learn is that although it's not a real complicated sense, it's the most powerfully tied to memory. Our sense of smell connects to our brains and our memories so strongly, and so intensely. Think about it for a second...ever walked through the mall and smelled the cologne/purfume of your 1st love? Ever walked into the house and smelled your favorite meal long before you knew what was on the menu? Ever been reduced to tears because you smelled something familar and the memories came flooding back to you? Our sense of smell is POWERFUL. A friend of mine here just got back from being in the states and is wearing a new purfume. It happens to be the same purfume that one of my very best friends from home wears...I think of her every time I smell it. Clean sheets, spring rain, Old Spice, whatever, spend a day sniffing stuff and see how strongly it connects to your memory.
Now, that i have set the stage a bit, here is a verse that God brought to me this week. I keep going back to it...chewing on it...and wishing I could imprint it on my brain.
"But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the FRAGRANCE of the knowledge of him. For we are to God the AROMA of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing" 2 Corinthians 2:14-15
Wow. Through us the fragrance of knowing God is dispersed. Another thing about scent is that a little goes a long way...a few molecules can really travel and be detected easily. As believers when we walk through life people can smell the God stuff on us. Maybe some of us have doused ourselves in it. Maybe some of us haven't put any on in a while and the smell of the world is more prevalent. But people should be able to smell it on us. We are the aroma of Christ. Incredible thought. In my life I want to put on so much of Christ that when I am around people smell it on me. That it fills up their nostrils. That I am indistinguishable from the smell. When people think of me they connect me with the aroma of Christ, the fragrance of the knowledge of God. How incredible to know that through our lives and our hearts and our daily wanderings God spreads the aroma of himself out all over the earth. So go ahead and hose yourself down with this "fragrance of life". There is no such thing as too much of it!
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
loud and clear
When I was in college I had pretty much decided that the whole heaven and hell thing was bogus and that more than likely when we died we just died. Sometimes that thought REALLY freaked me out. I am talking panic...tears...sweating...unable to sleep. I would have these sudden panic moments where the uncertainty of death and the thought of a world without me just nearly drove me over an edge. Those moments used to happen fairly often.
They happen only rarely now. Last night I had one. I was getting ready for bed and just suddenly I got really freaked out by the thought of it. I very rationally tried to talk myself out of it. i prayed for God's comfort and truth and I felt a little better about the whole thing. I went to bed and read a little and then decided to pick up my bible. Currently in the mornings I read a little Old Testament and a little New Testament. Yesterday morning I started reading the book of Hebrews. I read Hebrews chapter 1 yesterday morning, so last night as I laid in bed I figured "well, I will just keep moving along into Hebrews Ch 2".
Sometimes we hear God in funny ways. Sometimes it's in a whisper. Sometimes he comes in loud and clear. Here is an excerpt from what I read last night...read in the context of my odd panic moment. The HE reference in this verse is Jesus
"Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might destroy him who holds the power of death - that is, the devil - and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death." Hebrews 2:14-15.
It floored me. To hear God speak to me through His word so specifically. It was a huge comfort and joy to me and I have been thinking about it all day. To know that I am set free from fear by Christ. I really really really needed to hear that...for a lot of different reasons.
They happen only rarely now. Last night I had one. I was getting ready for bed and just suddenly I got really freaked out by the thought of it. I very rationally tried to talk myself out of it. i prayed for God's comfort and truth and I felt a little better about the whole thing. I went to bed and read a little and then decided to pick up my bible. Currently in the mornings I read a little Old Testament and a little New Testament. Yesterday morning I started reading the book of Hebrews. I read Hebrews chapter 1 yesterday morning, so last night as I laid in bed I figured "well, I will just keep moving along into Hebrews Ch 2".
Sometimes we hear God in funny ways. Sometimes it's in a whisper. Sometimes he comes in loud and clear. Here is an excerpt from what I read last night...read in the context of my odd panic moment. The HE reference in this verse is Jesus
"Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might destroy him who holds the power of death - that is, the devil - and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death." Hebrews 2:14-15.
It floored me. To hear God speak to me through His word so specifically. It was a huge comfort and joy to me and I have been thinking about it all day. To know that I am set free from fear by Christ. I really really really needed to hear that...for a lot of different reasons.
Monday, April 17, 2006
the old man
remember a few posts ago when I told the story about the old guy in the center of town almost getting beat up by the teenagers? if not just back up a few posts and read it. well anyway i failed to mention/realize that he wasn't just sitting on the ground. he actually doesn't have legs. i think his legs stop right below the knee. also he is fairly well known in town. he is mentally unstable, he has no legs, he sometimes pushes himself around town on a homemade cart of sorts, and is old, he has no home.
why tell you this? well here is the thing...as i mentioned my friends Paige and Stani and I saw him the other day. he was on the verge of being beaten up by 2 able bodied teenagers. he was sitting outside alone in the cold shouting at nothing. a few days later Paige and I say him again. Pushing himself around the streets in his homemade "cart" and shouting at nothing. Then yesterday, Easter Sunday, Paige saw him again dragging himself around town on his stumps. There is a man, who "lives" in my neighborhood who has no legs, no money, no home, no one to care for him, no hope. And as we sat in our church service yesterday and then enjoyed a lovely meal together with friends this man probably sat on his stumps somewhere in town and shouted at nothing.
since it's been Easter week I have been thinking a lot about Jesus. and I know that there was something extremely attractive to him about unattractive people. I know the bible talks more about the poor, and widowed, and marginalized than about most stuff. I know a life following Christ is a life of love and a call to treat others and respond to others the way Jesus would (which a lot of times means getting crapped on and degraded by the world). and I wonder what would Jesus do about this man living in my neighborhood. I know that Jesus didn't respond to every need around him. The bible doesn't tell us "and Jesus opened a clinic and cured all the diseases. then he opened a bank and supplied free money for every poor person in the world. The End". in the last week I have spent countless hours sending emails, creating task lists, talking about future ministry plans, discussing the strategy purpose and meaning our church and it's leaders, had conversations about the fact that we seem to be missing the point on a lot of things, the best way to "do ministry", effective, relevant ministry, etc. AND A MAN WITH NO LEGS DRAGS HIMSELF AROUND MY NEIGHBORHOOD ON STUMPS
I am re-reading a book that i find more and more incredible every day. I think i will probably read this book constantly for the rest of my life because i find the truths in it so powerful and they point me back towards the true center. It's called The Signature of Jesus and it's by a guy named Brennan Manning. On every page I read something and think "oh, that's a good one...I am gonna post that on my blog" but i think I would write the whole book here and get sued for copyright infringement or something. anyway, as i think about this man I read this section...
"So central is Jesus' teaching on humble apprenticeshop and SERVING LOVE as the essesnce of disipleship, that
Christ makes himself recognizable only in our brothers and sisters: 'Whatever you did for one of the least of these
brothers of mine, you did for me' (Matthew 25:40). In this context the words of Mother Teresa are impressive. At
the dedication of a hospice for the terminally ill in New York City, she said 'Each AIDS victim is Jesus in a
distressing disguise'" p. 96
Part of me is very afraid of this man. He's not mentally stable, and for the sake of safety I am probably not going to have him camp out on my couch. But if he is Jesus in a very distressing disguise...there has to be something reasonable I can do to serve him. I am thinking of what that means and how i can carry it out. In love. In faith. And in the knowlege that Jesus sees us all equally and his love for us has nothing to do with how well we clean up. It has everything to do with him.
why tell you this? well here is the thing...as i mentioned my friends Paige and Stani and I saw him the other day. he was on the verge of being beaten up by 2 able bodied teenagers. he was sitting outside alone in the cold shouting at nothing. a few days later Paige and I say him again. Pushing himself around the streets in his homemade "cart" and shouting at nothing. Then yesterday, Easter Sunday, Paige saw him again dragging himself around town on his stumps. There is a man, who "lives" in my neighborhood who has no legs, no money, no home, no one to care for him, no hope. And as we sat in our church service yesterday and then enjoyed a lovely meal together with friends this man probably sat on his stumps somewhere in town and shouted at nothing.
since it's been Easter week I have been thinking a lot about Jesus. and I know that there was something extremely attractive to him about unattractive people. I know the bible talks more about the poor, and widowed, and marginalized than about most stuff. I know a life following Christ is a life of love and a call to treat others and respond to others the way Jesus would (which a lot of times means getting crapped on and degraded by the world). and I wonder what would Jesus do about this man living in my neighborhood. I know that Jesus didn't respond to every need around him. The bible doesn't tell us "and Jesus opened a clinic and cured all the diseases. then he opened a bank and supplied free money for every poor person in the world. The End". in the last week I have spent countless hours sending emails, creating task lists, talking about future ministry plans, discussing the strategy purpose and meaning our church and it's leaders, had conversations about the fact that we seem to be missing the point on a lot of things, the best way to "do ministry", effective, relevant ministry, etc. AND A MAN WITH NO LEGS DRAGS HIMSELF AROUND MY NEIGHBORHOOD ON STUMPS
I am re-reading a book that i find more and more incredible every day. I think i will probably read this book constantly for the rest of my life because i find the truths in it so powerful and they point me back towards the true center. It's called The Signature of Jesus and it's by a guy named Brennan Manning. On every page I read something and think "oh, that's a good one...I am gonna post that on my blog" but i think I would write the whole book here and get sued for copyright infringement or something. anyway, as i think about this man I read this section...
"So central is Jesus' teaching on humble apprenticeshop and SERVING LOVE as the essesnce of disipleship, that
Christ makes himself recognizable only in our brothers and sisters: 'Whatever you did for one of the least of these
brothers of mine, you did for me' (Matthew 25:40). In this context the words of Mother Teresa are impressive. At
the dedication of a hospice for the terminally ill in New York City, she said 'Each AIDS victim is Jesus in a
distressing disguise'" p. 96
Part of me is very afraid of this man. He's not mentally stable, and for the sake of safety I am probably not going to have him camp out on my couch. But if he is Jesus in a very distressing disguise...there has to be something reasonable I can do to serve him. I am thinking of what that means and how i can carry it out. In love. In faith. And in the knowlege that Jesus sees us all equally and his love for us has nothing to do with how well we clean up. It has everything to do with him.
Thursday, April 06, 2006
crazy
I am not sure why I am even posting this story. other than it was interesting to me and it's on my mind as i sit here thinking of going to bed. First of all it's freezing cold again today...and when I say freezing I mean it's actually below 32 degrees. Anyway, I went to dinner with some friends tonight and as we were leaving and walking towards the center of town we hear all this racket. looking to the right there is a guy sitting on the ground...in the middle of the center of town very loudly "singing" and very loudly "playing" a guitar. I say "singing" and "playing" because he was more accurately just pounding on the guitar with his fists and shouting. He was older and obviously not quite all there and probably drunk or mentally hanicapped or something. But the crazy thing was there were these 2 younger guys there and they were in some sort of loud discussion with him. Then it escalated as we stood there and the old man stayed sitting on the ground while one of the younger guys tried to kick him. then the old guy pulls this cane out and starts hitting the younger guy. there was a small scuffle and some yelling and hitting and then it seemed like the younger guy finally came to his senses and realized he was attempting to beat up a homeless/handicapped/elderly man and that it was a pretty ridiculous thing to do. then it was over. and the old man continued shouting his song and pounding on that guitar.
again I am not sure why i tell this story. but you know when sometimes you see strange things and you think about them for a while? so that was a little about my day. other than that I spent seriously the whole day in a meeting. the whole day.
yesterday was a "red tape" when it rains it pours kind of day. I got a notice about a bill for my internet that hasn't been paid yet (because I don't have a key to the mailbox in my building so I never got the 1st bill). I got a notice that a package was sent to me from the states but it's in cutoms prison and i have to go to the post office and pay them to give me my mail. I found out I have been paying my rent incorrectly and I am behind 2 months in payments. And the documentation I need for my Slovak VISA is some sort of mystery paperwork that no one knows anything about. I mean all of that was in one day! So tomorrow i will be paying some bills before they kick me outta here and cut off my internet!
signing off for the day...more to come
again I am not sure why i tell this story. but you know when sometimes you see strange things and you think about them for a while? so that was a little about my day. other than that I spent seriously the whole day in a meeting. the whole day.
yesterday was a "red tape" when it rains it pours kind of day. I got a notice about a bill for my internet that hasn't been paid yet (because I don't have a key to the mailbox in my building so I never got the 1st bill). I got a notice that a package was sent to me from the states but it's in cutoms prison and i have to go to the post office and pay them to give me my mail. I found out I have been paying my rent incorrectly and I am behind 2 months in payments. And the documentation I need for my Slovak VISA is some sort of mystery paperwork that no one knows anything about. I mean all of that was in one day! So tomorrow i will be paying some bills before they kick me outta here and cut off my internet!
signing off for the day...more to come
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
belated posting
I was doing so well and posting so regularly (thanks to my blogger widget) then I went to Croatia and lost momentum. Sorry about that. So to get you up to speed the women's conference was GREAT. not so much because we had some great speaker or some great program, but because it became a place where i really communicated with God in a way that I have needed for a long time. I am so thankful for it and left that place feeling changed...different...renewed...in an indescribable way. It's too much to go into here but if you are interested in more detail on it feel free to ask. I am thankful for this time in part because I KNOW that if my mind and heart hadn't been directed back towards Christ I would not be surviving the world in which I am living. And at the same time, coming off this "mountain top" experience I find myself still getting overwhelmed by circumstances, or chosing to put other things in front of God, or believing lies about who I am or who God is. I guess that is part of being human...but it doesn't mean i have to like it.
our team and ministries are facing some challenged right now and we are all just looking for the right direction to be shown to us. It's this strange place of being really forced to rely on God. which is tough and counter-intuitive and frustrating. but it's also amazing to time and time again hear God telling us all "I am bigger than this. i will take care of you. I love you and I am with you." So we all hang on to that in our own ways.
I am working a good bit and traveling too. We have a lot to think about in regards to camp this summer and with all the transitions some decisions are harder to make than others. trying to make good decisions and see how God wants to use it in my life and in others.
Some interesting life events as of late...
the snow is all melted...thanks to 2 weeks of near constant rain. still looking forward to Spring...whenever it decides to show up
apparently central Europe "springs forward" a week ahead of the US. who knew? certainly not me as I spent a whole Sunday really confused.
In the last 3 weeks I have spent time in 5 different countries. How cool is that?
I think I am going to have to learn how to drive a stick shift. And I am nervous. If anyone wants to buy me an automatic over here feel free.
I still don't speak Slovak. Mainly because it's hard as crap and I don't spend near enough time studying. :(
I am obsessed with the TV show Lost. We download it and watch it as a group every Sunday night. We aren't caught up with the states yet but we are close.
Ok...that's about all i have for now. feel free to comment, write, pray, call, send peanut butter and starbucks coffee, what ever strikes your fancy.
more soon...
our team and ministries are facing some challenged right now and we are all just looking for the right direction to be shown to us. It's this strange place of being really forced to rely on God. which is tough and counter-intuitive and frustrating. but it's also amazing to time and time again hear God telling us all "I am bigger than this. i will take care of you. I love you and I am with you." So we all hang on to that in our own ways.
I am working a good bit and traveling too. We have a lot to think about in regards to camp this summer and with all the transitions some decisions are harder to make than others. trying to make good decisions and see how God wants to use it in my life and in others.
Some interesting life events as of late...
the snow is all melted...thanks to 2 weeks of near constant rain. still looking forward to Spring...whenever it decides to show up
apparently central Europe "springs forward" a week ahead of the US. who knew? certainly not me as I spent a whole Sunday really confused.
In the last 3 weeks I have spent time in 5 different countries. How cool is that?
I think I am going to have to learn how to drive a stick shift. And I am nervous. If anyone wants to buy me an automatic over here feel free.
I still don't speak Slovak. Mainly because it's hard as crap and I don't spend near enough time studying. :(
I am obsessed with the TV show Lost. We download it and watch it as a group every Sunday night. We aren't caught up with the states yet but we are close.
Ok...that's about all i have for now. feel free to comment, write, pray, call, send peanut butter and starbucks coffee, what ever strikes your fancy.
more soon...
Team #1
Our team was number one!!! We were playing a super fun game at this conference and initially our team wasn't doing so great. But we managed to go from last to 2nd and we were pretty proud of that. I wish I wasn't making such a weird face here but the rest of the picture makes me laugh a lot. Such great women...I continue to be honored to be counted among them.
yeah...we're kissin at you
Just wanted to post some recent photos...so you don't forget what I look like. the story behind this one is that we were at a Women's Retreat. Someone sent make up and this poor tube of Mary Kay lipstick was being ignored. We decided to put it to good use. Are you scaredof us? Cause I kinda am.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
No More Underwear
It was the catchy headline wasn't it...
I guess I should say NO MORE LONG UNDERWEAR!!!! I left the house today (for the 1st time since November) with just jeans on...I didn't have to wear all my layers today!
Rejoice with me people! It's going to be above freezing all week! Sunshine! Warm Weather! Rejoice!
My walk to work today was GLORIOUS! The sun...the warmth...i heard birds...it was super great. I love Spring. I can't wait for it to really be here.
Hooray!
I guess I should say NO MORE LONG UNDERWEAR!!!! I left the house today (for the 1st time since November) with just jeans on...I didn't have to wear all my layers today!
Rejoice with me people! It's going to be above freezing all week! Sunshine! Warm Weather! Rejoice!
My walk to work today was GLORIOUS! The sun...the warmth...i heard birds...it was super great. I love Spring. I can't wait for it to really be here.
Hooray!
Monday, March 13, 2006
This week
Hey there all you fans...wanted to let you know I would be gone for the whole week and probably would not be posting while I am away. I am going to a conference in Croatia and looking forward to some solitude and some good time with God. Praying about some specific things and being taught some specific things lately. Look forward to tell y'all about it next week. Have a good one :)
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Music that rocks my face off
Most of you know that I am a huge, obsessive, music lover. I really just love hearing new stuff and being exposed to bands that maybe aren't mainstream but are doing cool things and have interesting things to say. Thought I would do a little post about some stuff I am listening to currently that you may want to check out. I will list a band and a few songs that I think are tops pics from the CD. check them out...you might like them. Most of them aren't traditionally "Christian" but that doesn't make them any less amazing. Enjoy.
Iron and Wine (pretty mellow and "folky")
-Naked as we came
-Such Great Heights
-Woman King
Sufjan Stevens (a little eclectic and quirky...but beautiful songs and really interesting instrumentation)
-Chicago
-Casimir Pulaski Day
-7 Swans
Hem (hard to describe...)
-The present
-The Beaufiul Sea
Imogen Heap (electronic "ish"...she is the lead singer for Frou Frou if you are familar. Had music on the Narnia soundtrack)
-Clear the Area
-Hide and Seek
-The Moment I said it
The Weepies
-This whole CD is INSANELY GOOD. It's my favorite of any of the new stuff I am listening to
Jenny Lewis (kind of a edgy, darker Allison Krause sound. It's almost country but with deep lyrics and cooler sounds)
-Rise up with Fists!
Jose Gonzalez (super mellow guitar and vocal)
-Heartbeats
-Love Stain
The Perishers (just good jangly guitar rock)
-Sway
-Still here
Rosie Thomas (incredible vocals...mellow...good for rainy days)
-Pretty Dress
-Death came and got me
-I play music
PS-I have to give my friend Dan Portnoy credit for introducing me to most of this music. He's the reason I am going broke buying music :)
Iron and Wine (pretty mellow and "folky")
-Naked as we came
-Such Great Heights
-Woman King
Sufjan Stevens (a little eclectic and quirky...but beautiful songs and really interesting instrumentation)
-Chicago
-Casimir Pulaski Day
-7 Swans
Hem (hard to describe...)
-The present
-The Beaufiul Sea
Imogen Heap (electronic "ish"...she is the lead singer for Frou Frou if you are familar. Had music on the Narnia soundtrack)
-Clear the Area
-Hide and Seek
-The Moment I said it
The Weepies
-This whole CD is INSANELY GOOD. It's my favorite of any of the new stuff I am listening to
Jenny Lewis (kind of a edgy, darker Allison Krause sound. It's almost country but with deep lyrics and cooler sounds)
-Rise up with Fists!
Jose Gonzalez (super mellow guitar and vocal)
-Heartbeats
-Love Stain
The Perishers (just good jangly guitar rock)
-Sway
-Still here
Rosie Thomas (incredible vocals...mellow...good for rainy days)
-Pretty Dress
-Death came and got me
-I play music
PS-I have to give my friend Dan Portnoy credit for introducing me to most of this music. He's the reason I am going broke buying music :)
Thursday in SK
It snowed here all day. Every day when I walk outside I think..."surely Spring will be here soon" but alas another day of snow makes the impending hope of Spring still seem far away. Not that the snow isn't beautiful...it is. Not that I am not thankful to live in a country with 4 really distinct, really beautiful seasons...I am. But I'm gonna be needing some sunshine soon. Some warmer temps. To wear something a bit less than 37 layers of underwear. I am so excited for sping and in a way it's really cool to have it come later and to really be excited and amazed to watch it slowly happen. In atlanta we have about 3 days of spring where everything turns yellow from the pollen. This is followed by 4 months of bursting
into flames as soon as you walk out of your front door.
I actually didn't even leave the house today...the beautiful of being able to work from home when need be. I had no intention of staying inside all day. I mean I showered, put on real clothes...even a little makeup. I just never managed to walk out the door.
I am working on a large update letter to send out (I try to do that monthly) but find myself with writers block (or perhaps it's sheer laziness).
I have meetings most of the day tomorrow. Our team is still trying to put together the most effective way to train youth leaders in SLovakia on how to create and execute a summer English camp. We have some tough questions to answer and some difficult issues to think through. If you are reading this...and you are one of the ones who prays for us here I would love to ask you to keep us in your minds. OUr church here in Zilina as well as our training ministry. Please pray that we would be focused on what God is doing and how he wants to use us. thanks for that...really.
into flames as soon as you walk out of your front door.
I actually didn't even leave the house today...the beautiful of being able to work from home when need be. I had no intention of staying inside all day. I mean I showered, put on real clothes...even a little makeup. I just never managed to walk out the door.
I am working on a large update letter to send out (I try to do that monthly) but find myself with writers block (or perhaps it's sheer laziness).
I have meetings most of the day tomorrow. Our team is still trying to put together the most effective way to train youth leaders in SLovakia on how to create and execute a summer English camp. We have some tough questions to answer and some difficult issues to think through. If you are reading this...and you are one of the ones who prays for us here I would love to ask you to keep us in your minds. OUr church here in Zilina as well as our training ministry. Please pray that we would be focused on what God is doing and how he wants to use us. thanks for that...really.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
unrequited
There are times where I am pretty darn excited to post on this thing. If I feel like I have something funny or insightful or helpful to share and I wonder/hope that I may have entertained or spoken to someone or something like that. Some people have a "counter" on their blog...and some even have systems that tell them who logged on to their blog, who is reading it, what country they are in, and other important info. I don't have one of those...so I honestly have no idea if there are 5 people or 500 people cruising past this thing.
But I want to extend the invitation to post comments. Or even just shoot me an email if you have a comment and are reluctant to lose anonymity. It's great to hear from people...even those who may disagree. And if you read this and like it or feel like you have something to add I would be glad to hear it. Or even if we haven't talked in a while and you want to say hi...that's ok too.
otherwise I will be forced to add a counter to this thing and track my fan base which I am sure will be a huge encouragement.
PS-I am going to have to ask if anyone is ok with Handkerchiefs anymore. This is a country of runny noses and "sniffing" is a cultural no no so people are constantly blowing their noses. And I see countless people honk some nastiness into a piece of cloth and then wad it up and shove it back into their pants. HELLO! GROSS! Why is that ok??? Just thought I'd mention it.
But I want to extend the invitation to post comments. Or even just shoot me an email if you have a comment and are reluctant to lose anonymity. It's great to hear from people...even those who may disagree. And if you read this and like it or feel like you have something to add I would be glad to hear it. Or even if we haven't talked in a while and you want to say hi...that's ok too.
otherwise I will be forced to add a counter to this thing and track my fan base which I am sure will be a huge encouragement.
PS-I am going to have to ask if anyone is ok with Handkerchiefs anymore. This is a country of runny noses and "sniffing" is a cultural no no so people are constantly blowing their noses. And I see countless people honk some nastiness into a piece of cloth and then wad it up and shove it back into their pants. HELLO! GROSS! Why is that ok??? Just thought I'd mention it.
Monday, March 06, 2006
the point
Over the last few days I have found myself thinking, "What's the point?"...now hear my tone in that. it's not a defeated fatalistic kind of thing but rather a "seriously God...I want to know what the point is, and to make sure I don't miss it." And I realize I have posted similar thoughts to what I really feel I need to post here but this morning it overtook me in a way that doesn't happen very often. Most of us are dealing with this question regardless of our belief system, or if we work in ministry full time, or if we sit in an office all day marketing widgets. But seriously...ask yourself what is the point. Life, work, relationships, faith, love, all of it.
The disciples and even Paul once they realized that jesus was the messiah and that their lives, purposes, beliefs, futures were forever changed went out and talked about the Jesus they knew. They went to various communities (some of them stayed close to home and some of them traveled to the ends of the earth) and they said, "Hey! You guys...here in Corinth or Ephesus, or Jerusalem, or wherever. Here is how you maximize the person you were created as. Here is how you bring purpose to your life. Here is the point of this whole thing. It's Christ. End of story. The point is that Christ is #1 in all circumstances and in him you live free and forgiven and eternally. Now do it. Put him first in your life and watch the change that takes place. Live free, forgiven, powerful radical lives and you will change the world". They didn't tell them the types of programs to start or how to mobilize people or what ministries to promote or what desk jobs they should and shouldn't have. That wasn't the point. it was that Christ is LIFE CHANGING. Meeting Christ and really "getting it" knocks you off your horse, blinds you and realigns your path in RADICAL ways.
The point is that in living a life so radically changed and dramatically different that the people in your circle/community (wherever that may be) can't help but notice...and that the only answer you could give them would be Jesus. I feel like I (and you may agree in your life) am substituting good deeds and programs and plans for this radically changed life. The radicalness (i know that isn't a word but you get it) of our lives isn't so much a "go crazy! throw yourself off a cliff. stand on the street corners and rant and rave. move to zimbabwe and "convert" the natives". The radicalness is that you are so monstrously loving, kind, compassionate, forgiving, holy, Christ-honoring, righteous, humble (and so many other things that are pure human nature is INCAPABLE of without Christ doing it for us) that we would blow people's minds with it. That our lives would be so counter-cultural (in a character way...not a wow, that guy is a crazy religious freak way) that people would stop and say "how in the world could someone really be like that".
I am not living a life of radically changed heart, character, desire...so instead I substitute and believe that doing enough good things, or "christian" things will make up for it. But I can do the most amazing "christian" stuff in the world and if my life doesn't reflect Christ then it's WORTHLESS. I have not been knocked off my horse, blinded, and refocused on the singular goal of bringing glory to my God. And I know this, so I try to make up for it in other ways. People look at WHAT I DO and think it's great or that I must love God or have faith, but I would so much rather people look at WHO I AM and think those things.
I want my heart and character to be transformed by Christ into the image of Christ so that if I am in Slovakia, or Africa, or in a cube pushing papers around, or sitting at the dinner table with my parents that something about me is OBVIOUS and BEAUTIFUL in the same way that Jesus was. And that when people ask "why" I am the way I am, my answer is sincere and it points in the only direction that matters.
The disciples and even Paul once they realized that jesus was the messiah and that their lives, purposes, beliefs, futures were forever changed went out and talked about the Jesus they knew. They went to various communities (some of them stayed close to home and some of them traveled to the ends of the earth) and they said, "Hey! You guys...here in Corinth or Ephesus, or Jerusalem, or wherever. Here is how you maximize the person you were created as. Here is how you bring purpose to your life. Here is the point of this whole thing. It's Christ. End of story. The point is that Christ is #1 in all circumstances and in him you live free and forgiven and eternally. Now do it. Put him first in your life and watch the change that takes place. Live free, forgiven, powerful radical lives and you will change the world". They didn't tell them the types of programs to start or how to mobilize people or what ministries to promote or what desk jobs they should and shouldn't have. That wasn't the point. it was that Christ is LIFE CHANGING. Meeting Christ and really "getting it" knocks you off your horse, blinds you and realigns your path in RADICAL ways.
The point is that in living a life so radically changed and dramatically different that the people in your circle/community (wherever that may be) can't help but notice...and that the only answer you could give them would be Jesus. I feel like I (and you may agree in your life) am substituting good deeds and programs and plans for this radically changed life. The radicalness (i know that isn't a word but you get it) of our lives isn't so much a "go crazy! throw yourself off a cliff. stand on the street corners and rant and rave. move to zimbabwe and "convert" the natives". The radicalness is that you are so monstrously loving, kind, compassionate, forgiving, holy, Christ-honoring, righteous, humble (and so many other things that are pure human nature is INCAPABLE of without Christ doing it for us) that we would blow people's minds with it. That our lives would be so counter-cultural (in a character way...not a wow, that guy is a crazy religious freak way) that people would stop and say "how in the world could someone really be like that".
I am not living a life of radically changed heart, character, desire...so instead I substitute and believe that doing enough good things, or "christian" things will make up for it. But I can do the most amazing "christian" stuff in the world and if my life doesn't reflect Christ then it's WORTHLESS. I have not been knocked off my horse, blinded, and refocused on the singular goal of bringing glory to my God. And I know this, so I try to make up for it in other ways. People look at WHAT I DO and think it's great or that I must love God or have faith, but I would so much rather people look at WHO I AM and think those things.
I want my heart and character to be transformed by Christ into the image of Christ so that if I am in Slovakia, or Africa, or in a cube pushing papers around, or sitting at the dinner table with my parents that something about me is OBVIOUS and BEAUTIFUL in the same way that Jesus was. And that when people ask "why" I am the way I am, my answer is sincere and it points in the only direction that matters.
Sunday, March 05, 2006
staring out the window
a couple of things...
first of all since I announced the directive to blog about something funny i feel like I am going to let you down. as much as I have been trying to come up with something funny...I am drawing a blank. Not that my life is so mediocre or depressing that there is nothing lighthearted in my world. but as for laugh out loud "that would make a great story" I am at a loss. And as most of you know, when you go looking for something it becomes all elusive and we can't find what we are looking for. or maybe it's just me. so...if you are looking for a laugh out loud moment with me here I am sorry! maybe next time
secondly I find myself staring out the window a lot. the kitchen window which looks out at another grey aparment building or the living room window which looks out at my street. I just stare. sometimes I think or pray or blank out or whatever. for a few weeks there was an old woman (it actually took me a few days to figure out it was a woman) who would come outside super early in the morning with a snow shovel and some sort of metal ice chopping hoe/shovel deal. she would be outside for several hours chopping at the ice on the sidewalk in front of her building. Clank, Clank,Clank...trying to work through the 4 inch thick layer of ice that is on all the sidewalks. So she'd spend hours doing this. And have to do it again the next day.
I watch the snow. I watch the people falling down because the sidewalks are covered in ice. I watch the people who think no one sees them let their dog poop on the sidewalk. But mostly I am just looking at nothing. I suppose I could have some philosophical take on this, or use it as some sort of spiritual metaphor. but honestly I just wanted to tell you about staring out the window.
I am sure you are hoping my next post will be about watching paint dry...and it might be but probably not.
first of all since I announced the directive to blog about something funny i feel like I am going to let you down. as much as I have been trying to come up with something funny...I am drawing a blank. Not that my life is so mediocre or depressing that there is nothing lighthearted in my world. but as for laugh out loud "that would make a great story" I am at a loss. And as most of you know, when you go looking for something it becomes all elusive and we can't find what we are looking for. or maybe it's just me. so...if you are looking for a laugh out loud moment with me here I am sorry! maybe next time
secondly I find myself staring out the window a lot. the kitchen window which looks out at another grey aparment building or the living room window which looks out at my street. I just stare. sometimes I think or pray or blank out or whatever. for a few weeks there was an old woman (it actually took me a few days to figure out it was a woman) who would come outside super early in the morning with a snow shovel and some sort of metal ice chopping hoe/shovel deal. she would be outside for several hours chopping at the ice on the sidewalk in front of her building. Clank, Clank,Clank...trying to work through the 4 inch thick layer of ice that is on all the sidewalks. So she'd spend hours doing this. And have to do it again the next day.
I watch the snow. I watch the people falling down because the sidewalks are covered in ice. I watch the people who think no one sees them let their dog poop on the sidewalk. But mostly I am just looking at nothing. I suppose I could have some philosophical take on this, or use it as some sort of spiritual metaphor. but honestly I just wanted to tell you about staring out the window.
I am sure you are hoping my next post will be about watching paint dry...and it might be but probably not.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Life in SK
It's still cold here. I am really looking forward to warmer temperatures and sunny skies. with tomorrow being the 1st day of March I expect we will have warmer weather soon.
As for me...I have been trying to work and work and work. My new job responsibilites are still exciting but with each meeting I realize how much I have to do, how little I know, and how many things are still undefined. I want to do this job well. i don't want to fail or be uncertain or let people down so I keep praying for God to guide the process and show me what to do next. We are planning camps for the current year and we are also developing a new process and strategy for future camps. There are still many unanswered questions and many decisions to make about the best options and next steps for us.
On a personal note...I am trying to think of something entertaining or clever or some story and I am totally drawing a blank. That will be my goal for the week though...a funny story or embarassing international incident.
We have been watching the olympics a lot here. Slovakia won it's first winter olympic medal this year which was great. They got a silver medal in Snowboarding. We had to endure Slovakia losing to Czech Republic in hockey...it's kind of like Florida and Tennessee a few years ago...no matter how good Tennessee was Florida always psyched them out.
On my way now to track down a little lunch and then will be back to work.
As for me...I have been trying to work and work and work. My new job responsibilites are still exciting but with each meeting I realize how much I have to do, how little I know, and how many things are still undefined. I want to do this job well. i don't want to fail or be uncertain or let people down so I keep praying for God to guide the process and show me what to do next. We are planning camps for the current year and we are also developing a new process and strategy for future camps. There are still many unanswered questions and many decisions to make about the best options and next steps for us.
On a personal note...I am trying to think of something entertaining or clever or some story and I am totally drawing a blank. That will be my goal for the week though...a funny story or embarassing international incident.
We have been watching the olympics a lot here. Slovakia won it's first winter olympic medal this year which was great. They got a silver medal in Snowboarding. We had to endure Slovakia losing to Czech Republic in hockey...it's kind of like Florida and Tennessee a few years ago...no matter how good Tennessee was Florida always psyched them out.
On my way now to track down a little lunch and then will be back to work.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Happy Anniversary to Me!
Today is my one year anniversary in Slovakia. I cannot believe it's been a year. I want to take some time this week and get away to think about what the last year has taught me. To think about the things that are different and the things that are the same. I may be surprised at both. I can tell you I don't regret being here for one moment. Never, at any point in the last 365 days have I thought that being in Slovakia was a bad decision. Well, actually there was my 1st night in my new apartment all by myself that I had a bit of a meltdown...but other than that one night there have been no regrets. I think back to how utterly terrified I was to leave my familiar world. Looking back it seems a little silly now that i was that apprehensive but it's good for me to remember that fear. It helps me remember how sovereign God is, and how He keeps his promises, and how he provides for our needs (even when we aren't sure what we need). I am going to include at the bottom here a journal entry from February 2005...I re-read it this morning and smiled at myself. I kinda wished I could go back in time to tell myself..."chill out. it's really going to be ok". But that's part of the trust thing with God. And now when God urges me to do something that is scary or out of my comfort zone that requires me to just trust my God...I have an unbelievable example of a time when I trusted in Him and He blew my mind. Enjoy the below post...remember it's from a year ago!
February 9, 2005
4 days…there is such this fluctuation of wanting to leave and wanting to
stay. Mostly it is wanting to stay but it feels a lot like the day I
started college at Furman and I bawled in the back of my dads Buick for an
hour. I don’t like leaving…healthy or unhealthy…better for me or not better
for me…God’s will or not God’s will staying put seems safer and
controllable. My friend Sarah compared it to a roller coaster the other
night and as I thought about that analogy it made more and more sense.
You pay your money, you want to get on, you know it’s going to be a thrill,
people tell you how unforgettable and amazing it will be, and as your turn
approaches your stomach drops lower and lower. You have thoughts like
“maybe I could duck out of line now”, or “am I really sure I want to do
this”. But you stay in line. You are going to be on the next train and
your heart is now in your throat. You try to make light of it…joke a
bit…look around at how unafraid and excited everyone else is and think “I
can do this. People do this sort of thing all the time. Don’t be
ridiculous about it”. So you get in the silly little car. You strap in.
And you think, “what in the world am I doing. This may be a bad idea” But
you certainly can’t hop off now and you tell yourself to calm down. The
train starts…click, click, click, click up an incline you can’t see over the
edge of. You find yourself higher and higher in the air, at a more
ridiculous angle than you anticipated. Sweaty palmed you hang on for dear
life, pray for it to end soon, and think about faking a seizure or something
just so they’ll let you off. Click, click, click…how high are we going to
go anyway? Hang on…tell yourself everything is going to be ok and swear to
God you’ll never ride another one of these %$#@ things again.
That is where I am right now. I am click, click, clicking my way to the top
of a very scary, very unfamiliar roller coaster. I have no idea what is
going to happen when I plunge over that edge in 4 days. There are some
major differences though between the roller coaster experience above and the
situation in which I now find myself. The main difference being that I can
be completely confident in the designer, creator, owner, and operator of my
particular ride. Instead of a terrifying “carnie” who hasn’t seen a
toothbrush in weeks, the operator of all these switches and levers is
totally trustworthy, loves me beyond measure and has promised me that he has
my best interests at heart (For I know the plans I have for you, plans to
prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11).
I may have no idea where this ride will go, but my God, who designed it,
built it, runs it, and strapped me securely into my seat knows perfectly.
Because He is good and trustworthy I have nothing to fear…and because my
desire is that the purpose of my life will be to make His name Famous I will
stay on this crazy train.
February 9, 2005
4 days…there is such this fluctuation of wanting to leave and wanting to
stay. Mostly it is wanting to stay but it feels a lot like the day I
started college at Furman and I bawled in the back of my dads Buick for an
hour. I don’t like leaving…healthy or unhealthy…better for me or not better
for me…God’s will or not God’s will staying put seems safer and
controllable. My friend Sarah compared it to a roller coaster the other
night and as I thought about that analogy it made more and more sense.
You pay your money, you want to get on, you know it’s going to be a thrill,
people tell you how unforgettable and amazing it will be, and as your turn
approaches your stomach drops lower and lower. You have thoughts like
“maybe I could duck out of line now”, or “am I really sure I want to do
this”. But you stay in line. You are going to be on the next train and
your heart is now in your throat. You try to make light of it…joke a
bit…look around at how unafraid and excited everyone else is and think “I
can do this. People do this sort of thing all the time. Don’t be
ridiculous about it”. So you get in the silly little car. You strap in.
And you think, “what in the world am I doing. This may be a bad idea” But
you certainly can’t hop off now and you tell yourself to calm down. The
train starts…click, click, click, click up an incline you can’t see over the
edge of. You find yourself higher and higher in the air, at a more
ridiculous angle than you anticipated. Sweaty palmed you hang on for dear
life, pray for it to end soon, and think about faking a seizure or something
just so they’ll let you off. Click, click, click…how high are we going to
go anyway? Hang on…tell yourself everything is going to be ok and swear to
God you’ll never ride another one of these %$#@ things again.
That is where I am right now. I am click, click, clicking my way to the top
of a very scary, very unfamiliar roller coaster. I have no idea what is
going to happen when I plunge over that edge in 4 days. There are some
major differences though between the roller coaster experience above and the
situation in which I now find myself. The main difference being that I can
be completely confident in the designer, creator, owner, and operator of my
particular ride. Instead of a terrifying “carnie” who hasn’t seen a
toothbrush in weeks, the operator of all these switches and levers is
totally trustworthy, loves me beyond measure and has promised me that he has
my best interests at heart (For I know the plans I have for you, plans to
prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11).
I may have no idea where this ride will go, but my God, who designed it,
built it, runs it, and strapped me securely into my seat knows perfectly.
Because He is good and trustworthy I have nothing to fear…and because my
desire is that the purpose of my life will be to make His name Famous I will
stay on this crazy train.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
it's freaking freezing here
I just gotta tell y'all. It's freaking freezing here! I am talking when I walked home last night it was 1 degree out. 1 degree!!! C'mon people that's cold.
Pretty low key around here these days. Just been working and trying to get my apartment increasingly livable. I keep reminding myself that each day that passes I am one day closer to Spring. The snow is beautiful especially since I have never really lived in a cold weather climate. It's so cool so walk around the city all bundled up (I look like that kid from A Christmas Story that can't put his arms down because of his snow suit) and watch the snow fall and hear it crunching under my feet.
I have been working on things for the camps this summer and trying to figure out exactly what I am supposed to be doing in this new job :) I continue to pray for wisdom and grace as we all work through our new roles and figure out the important things for our various projects. Thankful for my team and for the wise people around me.
We are all praying for the status of things within our new church community. We have had some "upheaval" as of late and with this comes confusion, hurt feelings, and uncertainty about the future. God's doing some significant things in this city and the enemy isn't interested in seeing those things happen. If you think about it, please pray for our church and the leadership. We all want to make God famous in this city and pray that He would show us the best way to do that.
Pretty low key around here these days. Just been working and trying to get my apartment increasingly livable. I keep reminding myself that each day that passes I am one day closer to Spring. The snow is beautiful especially since I have never really lived in a cold weather climate. It's so cool so walk around the city all bundled up (I look like that kid from A Christmas Story that can't put his arms down because of his snow suit) and watch the snow fall and hear it crunching under my feet.
I have been working on things for the camps this summer and trying to figure out exactly what I am supposed to be doing in this new job :) I continue to pray for wisdom and grace as we all work through our new roles and figure out the important things for our various projects. Thankful for my team and for the wise people around me.
We are all praying for the status of things within our new church community. We have had some "upheaval" as of late and with this comes confusion, hurt feelings, and uncertainty about the future. God's doing some significant things in this city and the enemy isn't interested in seeing those things happen. If you think about it, please pray for our church and the leadership. We all want to make God famous in this city and pray that He would show us the best way to do that.
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Me and Santa
For those of you concerned with my "sin nature" here you go. Now I realize Santa and I are from different backgrounds and there is a wide age gap...but who are you to judge! He's totally into me..can't you see it in his eyes? I think we make a lovely couple. And he's pretty much a hottie.
Slovak Girls!
These are the 10 Slovak girls that came to the states this January for Passion. We had such a great time and it was pretty funny being the "native" for once. We forced them to eat huge portions of high fat foods and drove everywhere in large vehicles. It was so American. PS-free refils should be a national mandate
SK friends
I really just wanted to put some recent pictures up. This is from my recent trip to the states. Lee Ann, Melanie, Zuzka and me! We had 10 Slovak girls come to the States to attend the Passion 06 conference. it was stinking incredible and God blew our doors off with his provision and so many cool things that happened.
I worry
there...I've said it. I worry. I layed awake last night and worried. About various things. I worry about money. I worry about being "poor" for the rest of my life. I worry about my checking account. I worry about the fact that in the nearly 7 years since i graduated from college I have had 8 jobs with 5 different companies and lived at 9 different addresses. I worry that I will never be "settled". I worry that if I ever do get "settled" I will be bored. I worry that I will never get married. I worry that I will. I worry that my friends will forget about me. i worry that I will forget about them. I worry that I don't pray enough. I worry that I am missing something critical in my spiritual life. I worry about my sin issues. I worry about my self-absorption. i worry about my job. I worry about my parents. I worry about letting people down. Last night was just an exceptionally vivid night of worry. I couldn't stop. My mind turned over and over and over on a million things. I tried to read. I tried to pray. I tried to sleep. But I just flipped over and over in my bed.
Now...I know I am not SUPPOSED to worry. I kept telling myself that God is bigger than my small worries that he has promised to take care of me and all my needs. And at some level I believe that...or at least i think i do. Why is it so hard to get that kind of information from your head to your heart to your soul? Ask me if I believe that God is bigger than my worries and I will say "absolutely" then I lay awake all night and worry. There are so many truths like that...that I KNOW at an intellectual level but that haven't filtered down into my heart. and maybe it was just a bad night...I don't normally stay awake and worry. But it made me think about how there are so many things I know but don't really KNOW. How do you get there? really?
Now...I know I am not SUPPOSED to worry. I kept telling myself that God is bigger than my small worries that he has promised to take care of me and all my needs. And at some level I believe that...or at least i think i do. Why is it so hard to get that kind of information from your head to your heart to your soul? Ask me if I believe that God is bigger than my worries and I will say "absolutely" then I lay awake all night and worry. There are so many truths like that...that I KNOW at an intellectual level but that haven't filtered down into my heart. and maybe it was just a bad night...I don't normally stay awake and worry. But it made me think about how there are so many things I know but don't really KNOW. How do you get there? really?
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
home is a fluid concept
I should probably say something here about the fact that i haven't updated this blog in forever. But such is life, y'all know I get lazy or bored or distracted or kidnaped my aliens or whatever the latest excuse is. I was pleasantly surprised while I was home to hear how many of you are reading this blog. i really thought no one was paying attention...so I pouted and stopped writing. But now that i know I have a few of you I will be more motivated.
Being back in the states was really good. I had so much fun seeing friends and family and eating foods I love and driving a car again. I didn't think much about life here in Slovakia or what it would be like when I returned. I was just enjoying my time in the good old US of A. I did see that "home" is a fluid concept. We all think of different things when we hear that word. Home is where your heart is...you can't go home again...this is my home away from home etc. Some people define home as where their stuff is, or where someone they love is. For some people it's anywhere mom or dad is. some people never feel "home". Some of us believer that this earth is definitely not our home, and that we will only really be HOME when this whole thing ends and we are reunited with the Father who made us and prepared an eternal home for us. When I am in Slovakia there are things I miss about my American home...and vice versa. My friend Paige calls it "a permanent homesickness" which makes sense. i think that no matter where I am from here on out I will always be missing some place or some people. Thinking that I will never be without this sense of "missing" is kind of depressing. But in a way it reminds me that I really am living in a temporary home right now...in the Old Testament it's referred to as a tent. Right now I live in a tent and I can dress it up and buy lots of cool stuff from IKEA and hang photos on the wall but so matter where it is...it isn't REALLY home. See, home is where my creator lives. Home is where the Lord is. And at some point I get to leave the tent and head for the mansion God has prepared for me. I don't really get that or understand how it works of what it looks like exactly. But to know that at some point the homesickness will leave permanently. What a concept.
Being back in the states was really good. I had so much fun seeing friends and family and eating foods I love and driving a car again. I didn't think much about life here in Slovakia or what it would be like when I returned. I was just enjoying my time in the good old US of A. I did see that "home" is a fluid concept. We all think of different things when we hear that word. Home is where your heart is...you can't go home again...this is my home away from home etc. Some people define home as where their stuff is, or where someone they love is. For some people it's anywhere mom or dad is. some people never feel "home". Some of us believer that this earth is definitely not our home, and that we will only really be HOME when this whole thing ends and we are reunited with the Father who made us and prepared an eternal home for us. When I am in Slovakia there are things I miss about my American home...and vice versa. My friend Paige calls it "a permanent homesickness" which makes sense. i think that no matter where I am from here on out I will always be missing some place or some people. Thinking that I will never be without this sense of "missing" is kind of depressing. But in a way it reminds me that I really am living in a temporary home right now...in the Old Testament it's referred to as a tent. Right now I live in a tent and I can dress it up and buy lots of cool stuff from IKEA and hang photos on the wall but so matter where it is...it isn't REALLY home. See, home is where my creator lives. Home is where the Lord is. And at some point I get to leave the tent and head for the mansion God has prepared for me. I don't really get that or understand how it works of what it looks like exactly. But to know that at some point the homesickness will leave permanently. What a concept.
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